Looking for help in what to do when mother insists that her husband's picture, who died in 2011, is with her and talks to her constantly.

My grandmother did this with photos and TV Guide covers. She didn't experience paranoid fears, nor did she express irrational anger. Over time (a long, long time) we learned to accept her new world ... without living in it ourselves.

She'd rather not go out, and he's as good an excuse as any!

But that is a worry - are you making regular reports to your mother's doctor? Always do report changes in her functioning or her behaviour, and keep a journal.

It isn't clear to me if your mother has been diagnosed with, or is manifesting other symptoms of dementia as well? If this is not dementia is may be reaching more into the realm of mental illness. I am assuming you have had to to the doctor? If this is dementia, the it is simply a part of the dementia. Best not to argue with her, and give the picture a good coating of shellac so that you can move any food stains off if they ruin it. Even for the VERY sane and those without even a smidge of dementia, the loss of a life mate can be very devastating. My own Mom would watch the film Ghost over and over and over again, and she did feel my Dad's presence with her at times. One glass of wine would have him showing up almost certainly. It's such a profound life change, it is almost not to be taken in by the sane mind.

As long as the conversations are not upsetting, scary let her have her conversations. Tell her to tell dad that you are thinking about him and say HI.
As far as the new clothes and shoes redirect her and tell her that he looks just fine wearing what he is wearing. If there is another photo of him in other clothes you might want to bring that out just so she can see that he has a change of clothes with him.
This is one thing that you don't have to stress about as long as it is not upsetting to her and it does not sound like it is.

My mother does the same thing, although not to the same extent ie: trying to feed the photo or saying he needs new clothing, etc. She says he's in bed with her at night, sleeping next to her, and who's to say his soul ISN'T with her at all times? I honestly believe he IS with her, frankly, because life is eternal, and the soul goes on after the physical body. This belief brings our mothers comfort, and that is a good thing, so there is no need, in my opinion, to dispel their thinking as 'magical' or 'delusional' or a byproduct of dementia. Seeing mice running along the floor when there aren't any is a byproduct of dementia...........this may be genuine visits from the Other Side, which is a much nicer concept! Plus, it helps my mother accept that her eventual death won't be such a bad thing after all.......because dad WILL be there to greet her.

Let her have the picture. She is coping with life the best she can, she is self comforting and for that you should be grateful.

I wouldn't remind her that he is gone or that she is talking to a picture, just breeze past it.

I would let it be, gives her something to do, and right now it is harmless.

I should ask questions to encourage your mother to talk about her husband (not your father, then?) and reminisce about her life in general. She's just missing him, and moving back to that layer of memory and experience which makes more sense to her now that the present day has become confusing. But her awareness that she knows he can't do anything and that one day he'll be gone again shows that she does have at least some sort of grasp on her own reality.

In any case this must be hard for you, but I hope if you use it as a conversation starter it will be more interesting and less sad.

No other, recent changes worrying you?

Yeah, just roll with it. If it makes her happy and isn’t hurting anything, eh. Her brain is broken, but also she may not be able to accept he is gone.

About the only thing you can do with this magical thinking is to go along with it. It's real to her and in a sense he really is with her. Interesting that she knows he will someday go away. My mom one day asked me what will happen if she forgets my dad because she knows she has forgotten just about everyone else. She asked this as if he was all she had to remember. So far she has not forgotten him and sometimes doesn't know he is gone.

I too am wondering if your mom has been diagnosed with dementia.

Talking to a picture of her late husband as if he were there is harmless unless she is also exhibiting other odd behaviors. If it brings her comfort I don't see the harm in it.

It is so emotionally unsettling to watch our LOs do things such as this. I'm sorry you must watch this every day. I think it's ok to "humor" your mom if it keeps her from becoming depressed or agitated. On a practical level, has she been formally diagnosed with cognitive issues, dementia, or ALZ? If not, it is recommended as you may be able to help her (and yourself) with medications (like anti-depressants, etc).

Besides all the other challenges of aging, loneliness and depression are a constant problem. Mix in cognitive changes and we can only imagine how it causes their worlds to go off kilter. I grew up with an aunt for 20 years who no long knows who I am but also accuses me of very egregious things and gets very angry. I try so hard to remember her as who she used to be. It's very difficult. Blessings to you. Hang in there.