I need a roommate for mom so I can start my own life. She brushes off the idea. Any guidance? - AgingCare.com

I need a roommate for mom so I can start my own life. She brushes off the idea. Any guidance?

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I am looking for a roommate for my mom. I am looking to move out with my boyfriend and I do help her pay half of the rent. So i need someone to fill my spot at our apartment. The thing is how do I go about this? I posted a ad on a roommate finder, but they are all too young. My mom is 65 and is very dependent. I don’t want some teenage young adult moving in with her... I have told her about my decision on wanting to move, and I think that I deserve to figure out my own life and be on my own. I have been very supportive as a daughter and now I need to make a life of my own. Every time I want to talk to her about this, she just brushes me off, so I need advice and info on where to look?? Desperate for answers :/ I live in LA and our apartment is furnished and very clean, this person will have to share the bathroom but we are not dirty folks. Just a FYI.

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That your mom is INdependent makes all the difference in the world! lol I pictured this little old lady with white hair, a kind face, wringing her hands as you walked back and forth in front of her carrying boxes, while there's a line at the front door of all kinds of lunatics wanting to move in.

I know where I live (in MO) there are apartments that have "income guidelines". I don't mean "low income housing" but apartment complexes that require you to make a certain amount of money but you can't make more than X amount a year. They're clean, nice, and do not allow students or registered sex offenders or other undesirable tenants. Don't get me wrong, students are fine, but with students you tend to get a lot of traffic, they can be very noisy and don't always make the best neighbors. I used to think "income guidelines" was a euphemism for "low income" housing but apparently it's not. Good luck!
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To Eyerishlass, Thank you for you're responses. My mom is very independent is what I meant to say, I was writing this so fast and did not catch that typo. But I have spoke to her many times and I have also looked at senior apts and they are way too much, for her. I think she just brushes me off because she does not want to hear it. I am still going to help her I just want something afforable for her. She does everything by herself so I know she is ok with being on her own. I asked her about a roommate and she said "she does not want a roommate" so this makes this harder for me. I don't want to resent my mom for not allowing me to go forward in life, I never know it may and may not work out, but I have to try :)
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You absolutely have every right to want and need a life of your own but please don't advertise for a roommate for your mom. sunflo is right, just being elderly makes your mom vulnerable. That she is dependent makes her even more so. I understand that you need to move on but you also have a responsibility to make sure your mom is safe and scanning the want-ads in Roommate Finder is reckless.

Does your mom WANT a roommate? You said that when you try to talk to her about it she brushes you off. Does she realize that you are, in fact, moving out? What are your mom's thoughts on what kind of person she'd like to live with? In my opinion, your mom needs to take a bigger role in this process and in order for her to do that she has to understand fully that you are leaving. Give your mom some say-so in this, some control over her situation.
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You say she is dependent....how? Does she need assistance, is she emotionally needy? I'm empathetic that you want to move out and have a life with your boyfriend, but this isn't a normal roommate situation with an elder. Maybe you should consider:
Another elder looking to share expenses - start with contacting your local senior center and talking with the director for advice. You might also contact her church.
Place add in local church bulletins specifically advertising for a senior roommate to share expenses and companionship.
Consider that BOTH you and your mom move. Move her to a place she can afford or to a group care home, ASsisted Living (there are low income senior living apts) sometimes with a waiting list but worth looking into.

Sounds like you care about your mom. She will be resistant to the change and that. Is why she is brushing you off. Sit down with her once you've done your research and outline some options. Take the time to visit some places together and make it fun with a nice lunch. Then tell her you want to move in 60 days or so.
I would be very cautious in finding a roommate as elders can be very vulnerable and you want her to be safe. So please consider a background check on anyone you choose.

Good luck and Best wishes in moving on with your life.
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