I look after my mother 24/7. Is anyone else in the same position?

Marie, I'm sorry to state the obvious but your situation seems far from ideal. I mean specifically that you seem to be having medical problems yourself with pain, and you are attempting to provide 24/7 care to someone who is even more medically fragile than you are.

Have you investigated other alternatives or sources of help? Is your mother eligible for hospice? Is Medicaid a possibility? Or other public services in your mother's location that she might be eligible for?

I realize you are only 53 but it troubles me to hear that you have to sit down due to pain when you're trying to clean up after your mother. Being a 24/7 caregiver is stressful enough without having to deal with some sort of chronic or recurrent pain.

I never made that promise to my mother, although I did make it to myself, so if I have to break that promise it will only be to myself. You've been doing this for 5 years, have you been able to earn an income in that time? Are you counting on a large inheritance to pay your way in your own old age, or are you independently wealthy?
Use your mother's money to pay for respite care, most ALs or nursing homes offer this. All provinces offer some form of home care (someone who needs a daughter living with her 24/7 should certainly qualify), and extra time can be paid for privately (again, use your mom's resources).

Marie64, I came across this article regarding "promising my parent never to put them in a nursing home".

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/i-promised-my-parents-i-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm keep scrolling down the page, and there are over 100 replies to this article.

For myself I never promised my parents anything of the sort, but I can see how it would happen. I bet those who did, most made that promise back when the parent was still mobile, still driving, still going to the grocery store and doctor appointments on their own, still meeting up with friends, etc. We never ever expect what the future would hold trying to take care of them. We aren't trained for this job, and many times we ourselves are seniors [I was as my parents were in their 90's].

Thanks for sharing this article, freqflyer. It expresses what I had thought of saying to Marie, but better than I could have said it. I would never make that promise either, and I don't think it's right for parents to ask that of us. They are thinking of how their own lives will change if they have to go to a nursing home, but not about how our lives will change if we have to take care of them 24/7. As many of us have discovered, it's not as easy as setting another place at the table or having to shout when we want to communicate something. I doubt most parents ever envisioned, in their younger years, that their children would need to put their own lives on hold for years on end, wreck their own financial futures, and drive their own health into the ground to provide full-time care. I don't think they would have asked that if they had realized what it meant. So I don't think anyone who made the promise not to put parents in a nursing home should feel bound by it no matter what the change in circumstances.

Agree with Freqflyer and Carla.

I take care of my mother and work full time It's a lot. I never made the promise to her but it is HER expectation, in her words I owe her this. I had to finally make the decision this weekend to put a deposit on an assisted living facility. She's mad, I feel guilty but then think back to everything that has happened and know it's the right things.

I hope things are better for you and that you get some time for yourself.

Marie - lots of people here are in the same position, or very similar ones. Why not try reading through the posts and jumping in when something relates to your own situation? Or, post about a particular issue that concerns you and see who jumps in to discuss.

Marie, I moved back in with my parents, too. It's just my mother and me now. You'll probably find many of us who are in the same situation you're in. I live in one of the childhood bedrooms and my rabbit lives in another one. It is like a little apartment separate from the chaos of the rest of the house.

I don't know what province you are in, but there should be a contact agency to help you navigate your mother's home care and long term care options. It sounds as though she is in some sort of health crisis right now and you have jumped in to help out, but it will be better for both of you if you go into this with your eyes wide open. Explore the various possible options available and decide now how much care you are willing to give, and for how long. Be warned, temporary charitable solutions to short term needs can easily slip into years of caregiving.

Thank You Carla I am just trying to do some housework & when pain in too much I sit down for a few moments, but I can not sit for long coz I need to finish what I started (stripping my mothers bed) and put them in washer so I can dry them when I get home. At the moment my mother is in the hospital & sometimes that is more trier some then when she is home making messes for me to clean up... LOL I have 4 kids they had just all moved out & I ended up have to come back to my childhood house & bedroom... It seems like I can not do much without having to get ambulance or driving mother to hospital... She is having problems with her catheter.... In Feb she was hospitalized for 18 days & since then I am up at the hospital every week with her....
Just having a bad day .... but thanks for your post...
Have a Good Day!! :-))))))

Jessie you are lucky I share a split level house with my mother & she has lived here for 44 yrs & All my stuff in still in another province so what little I have has no place to be put & Mother gets upset at me if I have cook books ect stored on the organ seat....
Thank You For Your Answer Jessie.... this is sort what I needed today..
I am only one person & I am left doing inside house work & Outside work...
I was shoveling out road in front of our house we are last house on dead end street.... Anyways I fell broke my wrist on Dec 23 & had surgery Dec 24. and I told doctor & nurse I had to go home & with in 2-3 hours max after surgery I was back at the house... So a plate & 8 screws are in my Writing hand... makes work harder... and I have my own medical problems so it is really tough but I suck it up stay quiet & just do what I can around here..