I look after my mother 24/7. Is anyone else in the same position?

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Scaredtaker....what do you mean by working per diem? Are you paid to take care of your parents?  It is rough.  I can't imagine being sole caregiver for both parents.  
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I am in your situation exactly. Mom is 85 with essential tremors or Parkinson  (depends on the doctor ).  She is a very anxious person with many physical ailments and moderate dimentia.  I transfer her from bed to wheelchair to bathroom.  She cannot straighten her back or legs.  She cannot sit up straight.   It is a 24/7 job with exception only for quick trips to grocer and pick up meds. With the baby monitor my only help, I sleep 3 or 4 hours a night and go through the days in misery.  I love my Mother dearly.  I want to do right by her.  But it is the hardest job on the planet and at 61 I worry about what's ahead for me.  No job, no savings, divorced and estranged from my only sister (her choice to walk out on both Mother and me).  Its scary.  Mom and I live on her SS and small VA pension.   I left my house and my belongings to stay here in my old bedroom.  I slept at home last in mid 2014.  I live in constant fear that Mom will pass and guilt that I would love just 1 day without worrying about anything. Like I said my sister quit us a few years ago and my only brother can't help because he has a penis....he feels helping Mom with the bathroom would be too embarrassing for them both.  I hope I don't sound petty or resentful.  I am not.   None of this is Mom's fault.  She took care of me.  Now it's my turn
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Scaredtaker were about do you live? I am 4 hours away from Vancouver British Columbia Canada...
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Also Thank You Very Much FreqFlyer for the advice & the website very interesting.
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Cwillie
Thanks for your response, no big inheritance, not wealthy & no it has got to the point that a nightshift job that I was going for I had to turn down. I have a baby monitor in my mom's room & mine, so if & when I do sleep I can hear if my mom needs me at night. She doesn't like when I am not around it has gotten worse over the years, it could be due to her oldest daughter not talking to her or it could also be due to all the medical stuff going on. Her brain works OK she still can do her bills at the end of each month (yes I do double check so far so good keeping fingers crossed)
There is a group of community people (head nurse, social worker, & home care just for the catheter) that I have a home care worker comes twice a day to help wash her & change & clean catheter, yes I can get 3 hours a week in respite but my mom doesn't want anyone else in house she wants to see if she would be OK on her own, but she would be calling me all the time & I just can not ignore her calls, not since she took a fall just outside patio door (she says she tripped on slippers, I don't agree but oh well.. lol) and just last week she went down to basement 6 steps & she couldn't make it up the last step. She has not gone down since. I had her house set up with a ramp, chair for the upstairs going to bedrooms & walk in shower all done through government grant. I am Very Thankful now for all 3 of those things. So as much as I get told to just go out & take time for myself I honestly don't think I can I would be worried the whole time about what is happening with her & wouldn't be able to enjoy myself.
My 4 kids always came before me & it is the same way with my mother. That has been me for my whole life.
Wishing Everyone A Great & Peaceful Week!!!!
Take Care All!!
Thank You Very Much Everyone For Being Here for Me, It has Helped More Then I can Say!!!!
((((((( HUGE HUGS ALL)))))))
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I am to both elderly parents - work per diem. Its rough. I am near canada
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Agree with Freqflyer and Carla.

I take care of my mother and work full time It's a lot. I never made the promise to her but it is HER expectation, in her words I owe her this. I had to finally make the decision this weekend to put a deposit on an assisted living facility. She's mad, I feel guilty but then think back to everything that has happened and know it's the right things.

I hope things are better for you and that you get some time for yourself.
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Thank you for the article freqflyer. I know we are all doing the best we can.

Marie, how are you doing today? I know its hard being a full time caregiver. I too promised my dad I wouldn't put him into a nursing home. But I honestly didn't realize what it meant to be a full time caregiver. As his care escalated the daily routine did feel overwhelming. I was in denial about my own feelings and abilities. I tried to carry on but the anger and resentment can also take a toll.

Marie I hope you will talk to a social worker or access any community resources to help give you a break. I hope home care can arrange some respite care for you. And if things escalate further don't hesitate to consider assisted living or a nursing home for your mom. I know its not an easy choice but you have to consider your own health as well. Thinking of you.
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Thanks for sharing this article, freqflyer. It expresses what I had thought of saying to Marie, but better than I could have said it. I would never make that promise either, and I don't think it's right for parents to ask that of us. They are thinking of how their own lives will change if they have to go to a nursing home, but not about how our lives will change if we have to take care of them 24/7. As many of us have discovered, it's not as easy as setting another place at the table or having to shout when we want to communicate something. I doubt most parents ever envisioned, in their younger years, that their children would need to put their own lives on hold for years on end, wreck their own financial futures, and drive their own health into the ground to provide full-time care. I don't think they would have asked that if they had realized what it meant. So I don't think anyone who made the promise not to put parents in a nursing home should feel bound by it no matter what the change in circumstances.
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Marie64, I came across this article regarding "promising my parent never to put them in a nursing home".

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/i-promised-my-parents-i-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm keep scrolling down the page, and there are over 100 replies to this article.

For myself I never promised my parents anything of the sort, but I can see how it would happen. I bet those who did, most made that promise back when the parent was still mobile, still driving, still going to the grocery store and doctor appointments on their own, still meeting up with friends, etc. We never ever expect what the future would hold trying to take care of them. We aren't trained for this job, and many times we ourselves are seniors [I was as my parents were in their 90's].
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