Follow
Share

After my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, I was her only caretaker for 7 years. She had extensive chemotherapy over that period until the cancer spread to her spleen and other organs. We chose a program at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC that "promised" to save her life. Nine months before she died, she decided to divorce me, change our trust, rewrite her will, and alienate me from our two grown sons. She died before the divorce was finalized, but the emotional trauma is overwhelming, as my sons are now suing me. I am looking for anyone who has information about the impact of chemotherapy on cognition, especially as it relates to personality changes, judgment and decision making, Her own mother, 94-years-old, said, "I don't know who my daughter is anymore." I am desperate for information and support.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Hello hello everyone and I'm going through similar situation help please my lovely girl turned 21 this January was told she had ovarian cancer last year has been doing small chemo since November has had one ovarian removed and has just came home from her second 3 week chemo session and when I picked her up we where all happy laughing second day go buy our two bit clothes and she tesla me she can't stand them but they are actually bing good they are only 3 and 2 then come home starts acting distant I ask if all is well and we are ok and she than breaks up with me tells me she does not love me and it's all my fault bc doctors told her it was hpv that caused it and blames me and the next day is asking for full custody of the boys !!!! This all happens this Monday and Tuesday wtf!!! I told her I love her I'm her to support her all emotions aside and that I know it's the chemo and cancer but I love her and all she replied was "no it's not." I'm hoping it's the chemo and drugs talking I'm scared of what might happened next I'm giving her the space I hope she comes back around she always does but this is just the beginning of her sessions still has to complete 4 more I love her plus she told me she has been flirting with other guys like wtf !! Again hoping it's just the chemo and anger mood talking when will she notice that it is the chemo?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am so sorry for your loss, but ANYONE who "promises" to save a life cannot be trusted, especially one who has/had ovarian cancer. There is about a 2% survival rate for this type of cancer because there are usually no symptoms and the cancer spreads with pain. Get a good attorney, but because there was no divorce, you were still legally married, however her will might be contested by the sons. Again, save all medical records and give them to your attorney. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this besides losing your wife.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Truson, curious under what reasons are your sons suing you?

When it comes to major cancers, it can turn one's life upside down.... you go through many different stages dealing with it.... after I was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, I was a deer in headlights for many years trying to struggle to find my new *normal life*. My cancer was only Stage 1, but it could have been Stage 4 for all I cared as it was a terrible journey, there still was surgery, rehab, and meds. I didn't need Chemo but I had to take anti-hormone meds for 5 years and those meds were not user friendly for me. And don't forget, ovarian cancer and also breast cancer can make a woman feel not whole, that part of their womanhood is now gone :(

My sig other was completely clueless on how to care for me, and later long after the fact I found out he was really scared because too many of his immediate family plus his late wife had passed from cancer. Thus, he was angry at me for getting cancer. He never realized he was acting that way, he was in denial. I was also very angry, too. We were like oil and water throughout the whole ordeal.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you can substantiate her mental state prior to her death with doctor's opinions and complete list of drugs in the chemo, you will have a very good case. Your sons are trying to benefit, and I don't know what your relationship is with them, but you were still married, and that trumps anything they can throw at you! I am sorry for your loss. My first patient as a nursing student had ovarian cancer, and it is so undetectable no one can "promise" you a life with it.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My husband had stage 3 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2002 and went through the chemo which 'worked' to stop the cancer. I could not understand what was happening to him during the chemo, he acted out in awful ways toward medical staff (but not the doctor). I thought he was just taking 'it' out on them because he was angry about having cancer. I went to the web and it came back with the term 'chemo brain'. I went to our family doctor and asked him about it and he said there was no such thing as chemo brain. I knew that I knew it existed and that time and science would prove it true eventually. Well 'gladimhere' gave good advice, check the term on the web today and you will get the proof it exists and that it does change people, in my case into monsters! My 'monster' is still living, now in an ALF but still who he became after the chemo. It has been and continues to be a living hell for me. Also 'gladimhere' is correct about Anesthesia causing additional awful mental changes, as have taken place in my husband, following two emergency surgeries due to accidents and broken bones. What I am taking away from whatever 'life' I have lived all these years with the evil person he became is, I will never agree to chemo. I am 68 and I have no desire to turn into a monster for my family to have to deal with. I wish my husband had never had chemo because he has destroyed our whole family and his son will have nothing to do with him, nor will he help me deal with his dad. Truson, you are living a nightmare, I can't say I understand but I can relate to the pain caused by the stranger your wife turned into after the chemo. I wonder if you found the medical research on the web that supports what chemo does to the brain and shared it with your sons and the whole family and certainly the judge (if it goes that far), perhaps they would have a change of heart. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry you are being put through this grief upon grief, it is a terribly lonely journey and my prayers are with you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yep, "chemobrain" is a real thing. It causes confusion and fogginess, among other symptoms, as a result of chemotherapy.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you for the invaluable insights on how to proceed in this matter, especially as it regards the type of chemotherapy administered, as well as the other drugs used over the years for pain, etc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Truson-
do a google search on chemobrain. Yes chemo brain. My mom had a hysterectomy due to cancer diagnosis seven years ago at the age of 81 and the changes in her were astounding following the surgery. This was when everyone began to realize the changes in her cognition and functioning. Was it the chemo therapy that caused the change, was she developing dementia, or was it that all of the sudden family members were spending more time with her so noticed changes that had started occurring long before the cancer diagnosis?

We will never know. Probably the biggest mistake we made was to have her go through the surgery. But that is knowing what we know now, at the time she was still highly functioning.

Anesthesia can also have a profound on the brain especially in the elderly, that may have taken its toll as well.

This must be terribly overwhelming for you. It is a reality, when caring for a loved one, many feel alienated and isolated by other family members. In my case it was first one sibling, then my grown children, then the other sibling, then my aunt, the list goes on and on! This job is not for the meek! Will these relationships ever be what they once were? I don't know, that is for sure. I think my children will eventually work out, but siblings, I would be surprised.
.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Any judge with any sense will dismiss their claims, the question should be moot. You need to know what drugs she was on, I suspect the chemo was not the problem, but cancer may have spread to the brain. There should also be a record of pain medications and psychotropics that they gave her. If they used "alternative treatments" such as herbs, they can also affect the brain. I am so sorry you are going through this. Speak to her psychologist if she had one. Cancer patients may focus their anger on those who were closest, as do dementia patients. They can't punish the disease, so they punish the caregiver, or they hate their doctor. You sons seem to be going through the same process. Counseling would help all of you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter