Long distance medical decisions. What can I do?

Definitely contact the Veterans Administration for advice. The V.A. has been very helpful to several families I know. It could be that your "old soldier" father will accept some direction from another "old soldier."

There are numerous services available through the veteran's administration. In fact maybe that is where his doctors are. It is too bad that he will not sign POA for you. Does he know that without it, if an emergency occurs that he cannot make his decisions, that the State will? Would he rather trust the State to make his decisions or you? With a DNR, Advance Directives, etc, it would still be on his terms if you have POA and the courage to make the difficult decisions that will probably become necessary.

Yes, you will need HIPPA to get any medical info unless you know his dr and can work with the doctor to help convince dad to sign HIPPA. Without it, you get nothing. My mom signed one and then after I left revoked it out of paranoia -- luckily I had established an earlier relationship with the dr and he provided some criptic info for me without bein illegal but admitted he couldn't divulge much with moms consent.

911 will have to set the boundaries and if dad continues to call them and you know the hospital, you can always call the social services case worker at the hospital and explain your relationship, your contact info, and tell them the situation and that dad refuses HIPPAbut next time he is admitted, advise that they look into his home and care situation and in your opinion it is no longer safe. It is up to them to investigate or decide to discharge him back into same situation.

In the meantime, you should research VA assistance he might be entitled to and care facilities that accept VA along with his SS and other potential assets for his care.

He may or may not agree to move into care.

This is all you can do. Best scenario for you may be to let him be admitted and then transferred to care facility via the health system for his own health and well being.

Good luck this week.

Thank you everyone - I am off to the airport!

Without HIPPA permission to his records, you will get no access, so don't waste time trying to get numbers and call people.
He wants minimal medical care, be there for him. Call him, let him know he is loved and accept his decisions.

I gather you don't have POA medical or financial. Sounds like it is time for someone to help him. Has he been evaluated as regards his overall ability to function independently? You could contact the Agency of Aging in his area and also Social Services and ask them for advice. It sounds like he is barely managing even with his "angel". If he is hospitalised they should not release him except to a suitable environment. With him falling so much, he really should not be living alone. Good luck and let us know who it works out.

Lorrie, your hands are tied. He is going to live his way and die his way and my father was just the same. Enjoy your visit and do not bring up his needs. If he brings it up, listen intently and follow orders (or pretend to). These old soldiers will only agree when they think they are in command.

Welcome back from the front! These parents are so exhausting and frustrating! Good for you. You should find comfort in knowing he is "managing" and his instinct is for survival... So guessing he will get help if he needs it. I know you worry about the dr not doing a full exam...that seems inexcusable to me, but maybe dad never listened to him in the past and he decided not to bring up all this stuff.

You've done all you can do, so now you just keep loving dad, call when you can and when the hospital calls at some future time, you just say " I can't talk to anyone until I have HIPPA and DPOA with dr declaring incompetency and leave it at that. This is what My plan is and as it stands with my mom.

One day his current aide will have had enough or his care needs will be greater such that he needs skilled care and VA or other support services can step in.

What gets me.... he won't get help yet calls 911! Geeez! I'd stay in California too!

lorriedjn - you have done what you can. It is frustrating, isn't it and I know that exhaustion ((((((((hugs))))))) You have done the responsible things, but as your father is competent, you have little or no say it his care. I am not impressed with his doctor, but your dad has made the choice to stay with him. 7 days of listening would be terribly hard. All you and your sibs can do is, as sunflo says, wait until something happens, then try to get financial and medical POA in place and even then you really need a diagnosis of incompetence to do much.