I live in CA and dad lives a little north of NYC. He calls 911 almost daily to help him get up after falling or to help him out of bed. He also calls lifeline. All my sibs live far from NY. He is an 83 yo Korean Vet. recovering from colon cancer, with diabetes. He lives alone w a home health care "Angel" coming in daily to change diaper, feed and clean up. I try to see him at least once a year. My other siblings are mentaly disabled so are unable to help. Finally my question, Is there any way to get access to his medical providers (he says he never sees a home health nurse)? Another detail is that my father has no money besides SS. He has been hospitalized a few times and refuses to go to the ER when he has fallen or when he exibits signs of recurring cancer or pneumonia. He has not signed a HIPA form giving me access - after repeated requests. I am at a loss. This has been status quo for about 10 years but has gotten much worse since my last visit, What can I do?
You've done all you can do, so now you just keep loving dad, call when you can and when the hospital calls at some future time, you just say " I can't talk to anyone until I have HIPPA and DPOA with dr declaring incompetency and leave it at that. This is what My plan is and as it stands with my mom.
One day his current aide will have had enough or his care needs will be greater such that he needs skilled care and VA or other support services can step in.
Dad was as mean as a snake growing up and he has not changed. I found out 3 things. 1) He is not on death's doorstep, he will do what he wants to do but will shudder in agony if his aide tries to wash him (even his hands). 2) He is not mentally compromised. He has great short and long term memory. He KNOWS common sense but refuses to act on it. 3) He has multiple diagnosis of PTSD, Depressive Disorder and Narcisism. (refuses all treatment).
I took him to his doctor, who did not listen to him. Nor did he provide a cursory exam. When pressed the MD did perform a glucose stick test (Dad is diabetic). He would not look at his swollen feet. BUT Dad will not change doctor nor sign any document allowing any of his 5 kids the ability to assist.
I spent 7 days listening to an 83 year old Archie Bunker on a very bad day. I think I am done for awhile.
911 will have to set the boundaries and if dad continues to call them and you know the hospital, you can always call the social services case worker at the hospital and explain your relationship, your contact info, and tell them the situation and that dad refuses HIPPAbut next time he is admitted, advise that they look into his home and care situation and in your opinion it is no longer safe. It is up to them to investigate or decide to discharge him back into same situation.
In the meantime, you should research VA assistance he might be entitled to and care facilities that accept VA along with his SS and other potential assets for his care.
He may or may not agree to move into care.
This is all you can do. Best scenario for you may be to let him be admitted and then transferred to care facility via the health system for his own health and well being.
Good luck this week.
He wants minimal medical care, be there for him. Call him, let him know he is loved and accept his decisions.
I am going to fly out next week and nicely "strong arm" him into giving up his doctor's phone numbers, etc. What do I need to get besides a release to help with medical decisions. Also - I need to find out what the rules are on a patient that refuses medical treatment - I do not want his aide to get in trouble for his decisions.