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My dad and step mom had been married 31 years. They were very codependent!! She passed away 2 weeks ago and although my dad "seems" to have taken it well, he can't stand to be on his own (it's the reason my mom divorced him - super bad!). He lives at an assisted living facility but, due to Covid-19, is under restrictions (i.e. no family allowed). I'm allowed to see him an hour a day, Monday through Friday, because along with Alzheimer's he also has Stage 3 colon cancer - I am considered an " essential caregiver." I have companion care coming in twice a day, seven days a week to help him cope but it's expensive and I don't know when the facility will tell me it's not allowed. Any ideas on how to get/keep companionship for him? He's so lonely and moving in with me is not an option. I would say he's in stage 5 out of 7 of Alzheimer's.

Prayers sent to you.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Move him to a facility that allows visits. Covid19 is a virus, not a death sentence. Especially with all the new treatments and therapies developed over the last few months.
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Reply to careinhome
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I understand. It’s a tough situation. My mother is in a long term care facility and we haven’t been allowed in since March but she is now able to have outings. What I have been doing is placing calls with her to her brother and anyone we can think of to give her a change. I call her on my cellphone and then once I have her on the line I use the add a call button. She is put on hold while I dial the next number. Once they answer I touch the merge button and the three of us can talk. I have had up to 5 on the line at once but could add more. My mother mostly listens but because I am there I can help guide the conversation and draw her in.

I also read to her over the phone. She has macular degeneration along with dementia so changing channels and watching tv is difficult. We read about many celebrities that she remembers on Wikipedia and then from magazines like Life that are focused on one person’s life ie Lucille Ball and Betty White and many on Walt Disney her favorite. She has a few books that she read many times and likes to hear those.

We found a phone that has a large keypad but also buttons across the top that allow us to program several phone numbers in. All she needs to do is pick up the receiver and push #1 to call me. It dials all the numbers plus mine that are required for her to make a call. This has been great! agecomfort.com is the site

Good luck to all.
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Reply to Walkamile
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I'm sorry for the loss of your step mom. More than anything, loneliness is the predominant feeling of seniors for those who have lost their partner. In addition to being lonley I'm sure he is grieving her death. I lost my wife nearly 3 years ago and although I no longer grieve losing her, the lonleliness persists. Even though there are people there to associate with, losing his spouse of 31 years will certainly dominate his thoughts. Sometimes reminiscing helps. Do you have a family album or pictures you can share with him? He might enjoy listening to music of his generation. Find an app on your phone that plays 40s, 50s and early 60s music. These may not eliminate his lonleliness but would act as a temporary diversion.
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Reply to sjplegacy
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This is so sad. I’m so sorry that you are in this situation.

I think in general men feel the loss of their spouse more than women.

If my mom had died before my dad, my dad would have had a very rough time. Mom missed him terribly but she held it together fairly well.

Hoping that your dad will transition peacefully and will be at peace and join her in the afterlife.

I do believe we are reunited with loved ones when we leave this world.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 3, 2020
I don't think in general men feel the loss more, I think it is very dependent on the relationship and if the remaining spouse is narsisistic or self centered or has someone else to latch on too and a thousand different things.
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JustDucky - Your dad's situation sounds really sad. I think most elderly in facilities are now in that same lonely boat. Your dad is probably getting more social interaction than most. He sees you daily, and has companion care twice a day. I don't think there's much else you can do. But maybe there are things he can do for himself.

Are there things that your dad can still enjoy doing? Things he can do to keep busy? Puzzles, building things, putting things together, taking things apart? Organizing things? Sorting things? Gardening? What are his interests?

My mother loves flowers. So, I bought 4 plastic shallow vases with the floral foams inside, and a load of plastic flowers from the dollar store. I put the vases and flowers in 4 places in her room. She then arranges the flowers and really enjoys doing it. When she's not in her room, I undo the flower arrangements so that she can start again. This keeps her busy for a while. I also pile a bunch of clean clothes and hangers on her bed and I tell her I just washed them and ask her to hang and put them away. That keeps her busy too. Today I showed her an album of her pictures. Thought she might like to flip through, but not much interest. I'm still thinking of what else my mother can do on her own. She's at late stage Alzheimer's, similar to your dad.
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Reply to polarbear
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NeedHelpWithMom Oct 3, 2020
So sad. Polar.

You are very thoughtful to help your mom in her stage of life.

What a sweet posting. Very encouraging to others.
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