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Hospice is coming over Friday to talk to us about their services. In the meantime, mom is alert, eating, not needing any diuretics at all (from heavy doses up until three weeks ago). Her oxygen level is low 80's, blood pressure 160/60 or so. From 115/60 being about her norm. She no longer has any desire to get out of bed. I get her up quite late, just because I know it's better for her, and it's hard to just leave her alone in her room. She can't support her weight. I just don't understand it.


I can't figure out a way to get her on the potty. She can't use one of those transfer boards...no strength. She won't even put her feet down on the floor to try for us to lift her to a standing position.


Tom can easily transfer her from bed to wheelchair and back. MAYBE potty when she has to take a BM, if she tells us. (Which, I think she will.) But I'm having one heck of a time putting a diaper on her. She can roll far over on one side, but can't roll on the other. The hospital bed seems too narrow, and she doesn't seem to have the strength to do it on her own. I try to help, but she says it hurts her.


I'm ready to put her in a nursing home so she can have her diapers changed, for heaven's sake. Does anyone have any ideas?? What am I doing wrong?

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Maggie, if your mother requires more care than you have strength to give, a NH may be the best place for her. Try to find one that hospice is allowed in. Or maybe talk to hospice to see if they have a facility that is available. You don't want to hurt her or hurt yourself doing things that require much strength. My heart hurts for you, because I know what you are going through.
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My daughters legs gave out at the end. Her eating and drinking slowed down. Finally even trying to get her to stand would cause her to faint, she was just too weak. Hospice kept us all from going to pieces. It's like getting someone else to drive when the vehicle is out of control. They will hold your hand, good people.
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Maggie.......say it ain't so. You are full of excellent advice, one would never think you would be needing some for yourself. You never know about someone and their situation. If you can hang in there until hospice comes, they may be able to shed some light on your depend troubles. Bless your heart. I'll be thinking about you on Friday.
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Maggie: YOU are not doing anything wrong. someone here on this board always says that HER MOTHER said that when the elderly patient is not able to toilet, that's when it's time for a facility. I don't think that it's good for ANYONE's dignity for a child to be changing their parent's diapers. I KNOW that's how my mom feels. I'm so sorry that it appears that your mother is suddenly practically bedbound, but believe me, it's not anything you're doing wrong. I think one of the other posters is missing the point, it's not just about the depends, it's about lifting, rolling, all the physical strain of deal with a bedbound patient. half of the RNs at my mom's place are on "light duty" now because of injuires they've gotten from doing just this, and they're in the 30s, not their 60s as we are.
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Just to clarify, Maggie, you are always so on top of everything and make things sound easier than they are. When I posted you putting her in a home it was in jest, because you are so strong and capable and a depend surely wasn't going to be winner! I value your wisdom and helpful answers. Please forgive me and my hasty post. I was being yelled at on the "whine" thread ;)

I truly hope hospice is able to offer some help/assistance to you, Tom and mom to make this a little easier on everyone.
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For the rolling over, do you have the guard rails on the bed? This is how Mom rolled herself over. Otherwise, put a doubled sheet under her, then roll her using the sheet. Reach over her to roll her towards you and then move to other side of bed to do the same thing. If you don't have an electric bed, then a large wedge to put under her to help with elevation when eating and with her breathing. My Mother hated that we had to change her diapers; however, she would do anything to not be in a nh. Best of luck. Take care of yourself!
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Maggie, I'd say have hospice come even if you're in doubt. My magical thinking tells me that if you prepare for Armageddon it doesn't happen quite so quickly. I'm sure they will have lots of good suggestions. Hugs to you and mom.
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Maggie just to tide you over, if hospice is coming over on Friday anyway, could they send someone ahead of time either to show you what to do or (if it takes two to tango, so to speak) to do it for you? I'm so sorry you and she (and Tom) are going through this.

If her O2 is in the 80s, by the way, I wouldn't be too disciplinarian about getting her out of bed. Yes, true, better for her in general, but there has to be a point. Make life as easy as you can on both of you. I remember that guilty feeling of having shut them in a cupboard from last year's strokes - mother was sleeping 20 hours a day, at one point. Does your mother like being read to? You could maybe keep her company in short bursts, instead?
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Is she getting oxygen? If her o2 sat is low 80s, I believe she should be on o2.
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Lots of help and encouragement here. Thank you so much, everyone.

Mom's oxygen was at 88 this morning. I put her on oxygen (2) and she's at 98. I'm just going to leave it on her. I was able to change her Depends this morning without too much of a problem. I suppose to some it sounds ridiculous. You've gotta' be there. ;) Anyhow, she was able to bend her knees and lift her butt up so I could get them on pretty easily. When you're dealing with a 115# sack of potatoes, it's harder than it sounds. Ha!

I'm feeling better this morning. When a problem rears it's ugly head in the evening, it seems like a bigger one than it actually is.

I shouldn't have called off Hospice last week. Stupid. But Friday will tell the tale. Frankly? I don't know if she's ready. Even the doctor doesn't understand why she no longer needs diuretics. ??

Taking the advice of not getting mom up unless she asks. Maybe for a little while at dinner...?

Jeannette, I didn't think a thing about your post. Your post echoed my incredulity that THAT would force mom into a nursing home. Plus, of course, those who dish it out have to be able to take it. ;) ;)
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