Living with the narcissistic parent. Anyone else experience this?

I would just go along with her. She can't move, so what would it hurt? It would keep her busy looking at MLS books. Just do not make any phone calls for her. She has to do that, herself. "It sounds like fun, Mom. Let me see how you are walking, today."

Children of narcissistic parents are damaged for life. I am one. My mother has been A1 narcissist life long. She also has Parkinsons and dementia and has taken to calling me from the nursing home every afternoon. Yesterday she was ranting & raving about getting a new house in the spring "when I can walk again" - she's been in a wheelchair for 9 months since breaking a hip, unable to sit up or stand alone and after a stroke a few months ago her speech is slurred. She can't get in or out of bed and can't go to the bathroom by herself.

She wants to talk to me about finances so she knows how much she has to spend, then get a realtor to look for her. Determined she would buy another house and have live in nurses 24/7 (which we can't afford) we had quite the fight.

I don't feel well today, slept in and I'm quite shaky. She'll call again around 4 p.m. and I dread the phone ringing. I visit, I run her errands, ensure she has all she needs and pay her bills but she must stop calling or I'll change my phone number.

I threatened it some time ago and she straightened out but, one more time and I truly will. She knows the name of a nearby village but I've been very careful never to give her my address - many years ago she called the cops on me when I didn't answer the phone!

Wow, where do I start? There are many definitions of a narcissist. It runs a spectrum from mildly to severe. My parents (dad now deceased) were severe. Dad was the obvious, grandiose, "little Napoleon". Mom was the victim. They were codependent. Mom always blamed dad for everything wrong in her life and after he died, well, guess who got to be the new "scapegoat"? Yes, me.

She has to have someone to blame all of her unhappiness on due to the fact that she never takes responsibility for anything. She is immature, selfish and I believe not capable of truly loving anyone except herself.

Yes, narcissism is beyond damaging. No one really can understand how harmful it is unless you live it. Even my husband who can do nothing but shake his head and feel sorry for me, does not understand it. It is a mental illness of sorts and can be passed from generation to generation. However the narcissist will never admit they are a narcissist. You see, everything is YOUR fault, not their fault.

I have found that children of narcissists will be damaged for life. But, you can learn how to set boundaries or completely disengage with these hateful people. That is what I am doing. I don't think many understand the deep, psychological damage these people do to their children. Leaving them with a terrible burden of climbing out of a deep dark hole.

I feel with knowledge or therapy, you can begin to understand why your parents are this way, that you can't change them and that to wish for a real" relationship with them is like wishing for wings to fly.

I feel sorrow for all of those who have had to deal with a parent of this sort, but two parents (and often there are two) is just a very unfair hand to be dealt. Go to the site "daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com" and you will probably see your mother. I saw mine and my father and others as well. You are not alone.

Thanks for your comments JessieBelle. I especially like the "dog-paddling in deep water". That's exactly what it feels like. Though I haven't come to realize I'm the strong one. Maybe, if I manage to outlive mom, I'll wake up to feeling that way. I sure hope so. I will look Mommy Damnedest up, thanks so much. I really appreciate all the info.

crepella, I have done some reading on narcissism and do not feel that psychologists/psychiatrists have defined it well. One of the first things that is mentioned in the description of the disorder is that there is an excessive amount of effort put into the narcissist's appearance. Believe me, I have known narcissists that don't care at all what they look like. The overriding characteristic, in my mind, is that they are the center of their own universe and expect to be the center of the universe to everyone around them. They seek to have their own needs and wants met, no matter the expense to other people. They are all take and no give, except as it serves themselves. I suspect that narcissists don't have the ability to really feel love, not even for their own children.

I don't know if there is really anything we can do about narcissism, because it isn't illegal. Anyone watching the story of Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest would say that she indeed was the ultimate in the narcissistic parent, but nothing she did could be prosecuted. However, we know that yelling "No wire hangers" at her adoptive daughter hurt as much as if she had beaten her with them. Who would a child report such an incident to, except maybe in a book written in subsequent years? The child couldn't even go to a psychologist without the parent's permission.

Even more hidden is Mommy Damnedest, who bullies and belittles her children at every turn. If you get a chance, google the phrase. You may find a lot of good information.

Dealing with a narcissist makes a person feel like they're dog-paddling in deep water, trying to keep their head from going under. But ultimately a person realizes that they have been the strong one all along. It is sad that many children are raised by narcissists, who could never give the love needed, but it is just the way of life. The children are fortunate that they only have to stay with the parent 18-20 years, then have a lifetime to recover. If they return to caregive for the parent, they just have to remember who they have become and not return to the shamed child.