My 89 year old mom moved in with me, my husband, and 16 year old son, and seems to be getting worse. She can barely walk anymore, and she has a past tendency of falling. She does have a walker and cane, but won't use them. I try and keep a close eye on her, but sometimes I am very busy. Her hands shake quite a bit also. She always telling me everyday that something hurts, which I'm sure it's true at her age. But lately it seems to be getting worse. I am scared, because if she were to fall, I am not strong enough to pick her up, and also, if she gets where she can't use the bathroom, or wash herself anymore, I don't feel right doing it for her. But it would also be too hard for me to try and move her around to do it. I just had hip surgery and have a mild case of COPD. I am home with her most of the time, while my husband works and son is at school. No other siblings help me. Is there a home care agency that could come and bath her and clean her up, when she gets unable to do it herself? I did buy her a potty chair, but there is carpet in her room and she has a tendency to spill things a lot. So I'm sure that would get spilled if she tried to use it or empty it. (which I would do). I did buy a plastic mat to put under it. I also have another question, but will post it in another comment. Thank you all.

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Hi Raingirl,
Sorry to hear about your Mom. In-home care has helped many caregivers on this site. I'm sure there will be input from others here who will encourage you to seek out information on all levels of care as Mom's care needs increase.

As a free service, AgingCare can put you in touch with the home care agencies in your area. Use the FIND CARE link on the top right to check availability in your area by zip code, or you can use the link below to complete a form and one of the advisors in our office will give you a call to discuss your needs. We hear their calls every day and I can assure you that what you are dealing with is common. Our advisors can offer you some support.
Helpful Answer (1)

Do you think that your mother is competent to make her own decisions? I ask, because you say that she won't use her walker. Sometimes, that can indicate poor judgment that could be indicative of cognitive decline. Is she open to the idea of outside help or going to an assisted living facility?

Since, she is already demonstrating a decline, such as the shaking, pain, spilling things, etc. I'd discuss her symptoms with her doctor to see what's going on. She may have some kind of infection, UTI, vitamin deficiency, etc. After getting that done, I'd have her evaluated to see what level of care she needs. I wouldn't wait until there is an emergency to do this. I'd do it, while you and she have time to figure out the options and make some decisions. Is she able to visit some facilities?

I have read that if she falls, call 911 to come and help get her up. Is your house equipped with safety features, like grab bars in bathroom for her safety? Are doors wheelchair accessible?

She might need someone to supervise her more, if she's a fall risk and refuses to use walker. That's difficult to do, regardless, of where she is.

You could check on getting outside help to come into the home, like a bath aid, but, if she needs help with toileting, that's more challenging, as the aid would need to be there around the clock to accommodate those needs.
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Raingirl Sep 2018
Yes, my mom is pretty competent, but very stubborn. No she doesn't want to go to an assisted living, she just has it in her head that her children should take care of her. She didn't think that we may not be able too. It is causing a lot of arguments and things. I do have an upcoming appointment for her, and will talk to her doctor without her in the room. Yes, I thought for now, I would call 911 if she falls again. I do have safety bars and stool in the bathroom shower. I also lowered the sprayer for her. I don't think the doors are wheelchair accessible though. She takes so many laxatives and Azo for her bladder. She is in the bathroom about every 1/2 hour or so. But I will check around about a home healthcare person. She just keeps saying she wants to die and says I hate her. It breaks my heart.

Yes, you can hire a bath aide from a home healthcare agency. Or, you can call your mom's doctor and they can arrange for a bath aide.

You provide the towels and soaps and such, lay out clean clothes, and the bath aide comes and within an hour your mom will be bathed and feeling good. The bath aide I had for my dad would even trim his beard.

And a plastic mat is all you need to put under the bedside commode. Switch it out as it becomes soiled.
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