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Living with Dr. Evil after hip replacement surgery.
It’s been only 1 week since my boyfriends hip replacement surgery. We live together and it’s been an absolute nightmare. He’s taking Oxy for the pain. I’m not sure if it’s the pain meds, but the verbal abuse is unreal. He berates me, scolds me, and gets angry if I don’t do things to his perfection. He told me he’s not “in love” with me, he doesn’t love me, and he never has. He even went as far as calling the police on me the other night claiming I was verbally assaulting him; (which the police found to be humorous). He has no one but me to take care of him. His 2 siblings live in NY. Neither of them even sent a text message to see how he was after surgery. I feel guilty saying this but I want to pack my sh*t and run. This is not the man I fell in love with.

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He’s not your responsibility! Call 911 & have him go back to hospital as something isn’t right with him & his hip.

When my mother had hip replacement surgery at age 66, she was walking next day & they advised using a cane for a while...she had no pain after surgery. In 2 days, she was discharged home because she was doing so well!

He should’ve gone to rehab..why did he go straight home? Is it your house or his? If his ...you can leave...if yours ..send HIM packing & change the locks.
You don’t deserve this...he’s not your husband. How long you been together? Do you work? Have someone else take care of him. Period. End of story. Ok I just saw from your profile it’s YOUR HOME!!! That would make him a SQUATTER. Does he pay rent? I bet not.
EVICT HIM!!!
Hugs 🤗
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Just read your profile. Wow!

So, you’re not married, HIPPA prevents them from discussing his medical situation with you BUT you can still tell them what you feel is important for them to know.

Do you feel like they will listen to you? Would a written letter be better? Or call and ask if you can send an email regarding his situation.

I am so sorry that he is berating you. You don’t deserve that. At this point in time, you don’t know the exact cause for the change in his behavior. Did this start recently, just since the surgery?

Wishing you all the best. Keep us posted. We care.
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I had a hip replacement at about 57 years old. I was up and walking the same night, home the next morning, walking with a walker in the hallway 6x a day, then outside, then with a cane, and back to work in 3 weeks. I took some oxy for a week or so but the pain was worse before the surgery than afterward. No PT or rehab at all; just walking 6x a day, every day.

Before you pack up and leave your bf, consider he may be having a reaction to the pain meds or he may have an infection or some other medical crisis you're unaware of. Like Barb said, please call his doctor immediately and don't just automatically chalk this up to him being a jerk.

Good luck!
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Is he actually only 7-8 days post-surgery, or did he have a little rehab before he came home, and it's now 7 days post-rehab. Could he have left the hospital against medical advice? I'm just wondering if in addition to the other factors people have brought up, if he may be depressed by wondering if he's ever going to get back to normal and I feeling weak in relation to you. If he's very macho, the whole situation may be depressing him, and perhaps he's trying to push you away so you won't see him when he's not stronger than you are. Definitely worth talking to his doctor about, although the doctor is very limited by confidentiality in terms of what he can say to you about your partner--but he can talk with your partner.
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He may need pain management. My GF overdosed on Oxy and landed in the hospital.
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I have had two hip replacements in my 50s. Never an experience like that, but was given Oxy at first. Oxy is evil. I will never take even a single dose of it again, even though my reaction was different than his may be. He will have physical withdrawal symptoms stopping it even from taking it a short time (I spent hours shivering after taking a less-than-prescribed dose for only three days), and possibly mental withdrawal if he is naturally so affected.

See if there is a different pain reliever he can take. At over a week post-surgery a simple over-the-counter one should be sufficient. If the pain is still severe he may have an infection in the hip which needs a doctor looking at it asap.
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You know how it is said that a person that is drunk will speak the truth, perhaps it is the same for someone on narcotics. I would be very leery at this point, and be very careful. Was he ever verbally abusive before his surgery? I'm guessing he was, and it's now just been magnified by his medication. You don't deserve to treated so poorly when all you're trying to do is help him. If he has no one else to help him, he can go to a rehab facility where he will be taken care of by professionals, and you know that they won't put up with his s***.

I had a hip replaced, and never became abusive while on the medication. In fact I've never heard of that, however there is always a first I guess.
Please take care of yourself, and if need be, leave. Again, you deserve so much better!!!!!
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I agree with Barb. If this is out of character for him, then call his doctor ASAP. My husband had both hips replaced, plus a revision on one of them years later and never acted like this, even while on morphine (he had to have a bone graft for the second replacement).

It might be the Oxy - but I will throw out are you sure he's been taking it? If he is afraid of becoming addicted, he might be under-medicating as well, and pain will make people lash out and say terrible things. After the second replacement, when my hubby first came home, he was feeling so "good" that he tried to do the pain management thing with only Tylenol, which so didn't work. He had to take the Oxy for a few weeks to get through the pain.

But I think the first step you need to take is to call his doctor and tell him/her what's been going on.
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Do you have any support coming in to help him with recovery? - and why no rehab, by the way, just wondering?

It isn't fair that you're expected to wait on him and get nothing but kicks for your trouble. If you can get services of some kind to come in 2, 3, 4 times a day to support with his personal care, mobility, whatever he can't manage at least you'd be able to keep out of his way when he's in pain.

Whoever provided the surgery must also provide post-surgical care, maybe he just didn't take them up on it or wasn't paying attention? Anyway - he needs to get himself some help. Not fair to heap it all on you.

And I agree about getting medical advice pronto.
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notgoodenough Apr 2021
Depending on his age, his only rehab might be walking. That's what was prescribed for my husband after his hip replacements. Walking as much as he could tolerate; then when the incision had healed, swimming was also recommended. But he didn't have any PT come to the house.
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Call his doctor today. A change in mental status, especially after a hospitalizaton is a medical emergency and should be treated as such.
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Hmm...the "evidence" you provided is that he was NOT like this BEFORE the surgery, therefore, something new has happened. Before going through the effort and expense of moving yourself out, are you able to discuss any of these symptoms with his doctor? If your profile is correct that he is only 52 years old, it is most likely not a post-surgical reaction from the anesthesia (plus those symptoms don't really fit)... he MAY be having a reaction to the medication. Does he take the pills himself or are you giving them to him? Try giving them to him so that you can at least know he is not being overmedicated. Oxy is extremely addictive!! DO NOT give him more than what the Rx says (and even that may be too much). My 80+ yr old MIL became addicted when it was prescribed for her back pain (she had a back surgery). We went through an entire year before we realized she was addicted because she was a sweet old lady. Your BF might also be reacting to the Oxy, even if he isn't overmedicating. It may be listed as a rare side effect so read the paperwork that came with it.

He MAY have a UTI if he was catheterized during the procedure (a UTI WOULD produce those personality changes but again, he's kinda young at 52). The Oxy would be covering any pain associated with a UTI so he may not realize he has one. He would need antibiotics. Maybe take him to the Urgent Care to get checked and at the same time you can privately discuss the other issues you see going on.

Isn't he in rehab for PT? Or doesn't a therapist come to his house to get him to start his exercises? If so, maybe you can discuss things with this person. You should not have to endure the treatment he is dishing out but before leaving so that your conscience is clear I'd do everything to make sure he isn't the victim of some other medical problem. He will need help, so you may need to call his siblings to at least let them know he will be by himself and it may be a good idea to text them a video of his behavior. Not sure if social services for your county will have any solutions but you could talk to a social worker and report him as a vulnerable adult and at least get him on their radar.

Finally, whose name is on the lease of the residence you share? If it's a rental and your name is on the lease, you're still legally on the hook for that every month. If you do choose to go (even temporarily), again in good conscience I would at least leave some food in the fridge since he probably can't drive and is on Oxy, and maybe inform a neighbor (that you trust) of the situation. I wish you much success in working out this situation!
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I would wonder if the Oxy is causing this. Talk to his doctor. If your told its not and you have the ability to do it, walk out. No one needs to put up with this. As said, the more he does for himself the better.

I wonder if taking Oxy is like being drunk, they tell the truth.
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Hbates Apr 2021
My thoughts exactly!
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Pack your sh*t and run, like you say in your profile

This is unacceptable at any age, and even more so for someone as young as he is.

Abuse, verbal or otherwise, is never acceptable.
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I have a good friend who has had both his hips done in his 50's and I have to say that your BF is being an entitled jerk, you are expected to be up and walking by the time you are discharged from hospital and although a little coddling is nice being waited on hand and foot is not required. You have my permission to pack and run, at least for a vacation away from this toxic environment. Your BF needs to "pull up his socks" and take responsibility for himself, and if the meds are partially to blame he needs to be willing to cut them back to the minimum.
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