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I live with and care for my 92 yr old mother. she has a hearing loss and always has TV on full volume and when I ask her to turn it down she tries to make me feel like its all my fault. Refuses to have a hearing test. She tells me to put ear plugs in and I let her know I wont hear her if she needs me. GUILT GUILT. Can you help me.

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Since she will use the wireless headset for your brother but not for you, she is just being stubborn. If my 96 yr old father (who lives with me) behaved like this, I would remove the TV in the living room and put it in his bedroom.
Blessings,
Jamie
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Use the closed captions and shut the volume off and I would put money on she will want to get the hearing test! I had to do something similar with my mother after she got in an accident. I told her if she couldn't hear the judge in court he'd take her license away..yup that worked!
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My Mom who has dementia has the tv at full volume as well. My Dad tolerates it, but doesn't like it. When she turns the TV on when I am there I leave the room or I go home. She too tries to make me feel guilty and tells me something is wrong with ears! But it literally hurts my ears!  She refuses to wear any sort of hearing aid or hearing amplifier for the TV.   She also won't do the close caption.  Trying to rationalize anything, with a dementia patient is almost impossible from my experience!   So, do I punish my Dad and continue to leave when she turns the tv on?  It takes a lot of stress off him when I am there.....
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i agree withg the headphones idea..my elderly mother lives with me and i insist she wears them..i actually witnessed her lose her hearing by her allowing my hard of hearing dad to ramp up the volume every night ,as she'd sit and tolerate it and watch tv with him..there's nobody i love so much that i'll allow myself to go deaf for the sake of being nice to them
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Alison, great minds think alike! ;)
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Oh yeah, forgot that part... softening wax before removal is helpful/necessary to avoid pain. So you can use the over-counter drops for a period of time before office visit. The drops don't hurt anything and although they may not remove the wax (because wax is now too impacted, been in place too long, for removal/softening drops to work completely), there's no downside that I'm aware of to using the drops.
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Ha! Onlygirl, was about to post same thing! Both my GM and father have issues with hard of hearing. Both greatly benefited from ear wax removal. There are over-counter kits but I recommend starting with in-office procedure done by Ear Nose Throat docs. A couple of docs and nurses over the years have told me that a high percentage of elderly with hearing difficulty actually only need wax removal. Start there. Good luck!
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Just took my mother to have her hearing aids checked. Prior to that, I knew she had had a problem with wax in the ears. I went to an audiology website and researched wax in the ears. Gross but amazing how this stuff plugs up your ears! Purchased an ear wax kit for my Mom. AL nurse put drops in every 4 hrs during the day and once at night. Put cotton balls in each time and for the night. This softened up the wax so that it could be removed at Beltone by the audiologist. The wax can actually adhere to the sides of the ear canal so softening it makes it easier. She did this for 3 - 4 days prior to office visit.

Sure enough, her ears were 100% blocked in one, and 75% in another. Watched the removal of wax on the computer. Again, gross, but interesting.

Also, learned that her hearing aids can be adjusted with a program download to the aids. My late father made her buy them but she was too vain to wear them until the Speech Therapist and I said we were having to talk loudly to her. Plus, TV was very loud, too.

Learned that she should have been going in each qtr for a check up and to clean her hearing aids (wax gets on them also). This is included in price of the hearing aids. THE THINGS OUR PARENTS DON'T TELL THEIR KIDS...auurghhh! Anyway, if your parent can't hear, they can cognitively decline.

As far as loudness of TV, I have noticed that the newer TVs speakers are terrible. My Mom could hear better if the speakers were facing her. (We attached extra speakers.) Also, wireless speakers are excellent. They can be bought at big box electronics store or online. You can put these right beside your parent who can turn it up or down when they want. Keeps the TV from blasting the neighbors.

Hope this helps!
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That is a difficult situation, especially if you're living with them. It can really damage a relationship and isolate everyone involved. My suggestions would be to try to rationalize with her and explain how difficult and stressful the loud television is to you, try the closed caption as mentioned, position her chair closer to the tv if possible, or try an assistive listening device like headphones or the Audio Fox wireless speaker system if she doesn't want to wear headphones. Good Luck!
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Thank you all for your comments. They are helpful. My brother hooked up ear buds to the back of the TV and she can hear good and I am happy also BUT she refuses to wear them when he leaves. She feels it is my problem and not hers. She just doesn't care if it bothers me or the neighbors.
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Thank you guys...this has been a big help. I will pass it on to others also. Love ya all! DH
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I agree with SCDaughter07.... wireless earphones/headphones are the way to go. There are models that are VERY lightweight, easy to wear and really REALLY help. Search for Beachaudio and take a look at the lightweight model. I used the over the ear headphones, but they seemed to bother my mother sometimes. I think the over the head earphones would be better.

BUT... how you introduce them is more important than the type you get. Take it from me, it has to be THEIR idea, or they will not use it.

SO... tell Mom (or Dad) that you are having problems with the TV... or the neighbors, with regards to the volume. SO... you got a FREE pair of earphones/headphones that they bought for you so you could still listen to TV and not be a bother.

OR... tell Mom that you have a FREE product that the company sent you and You are testing them for the company. FIRST.. you wear them.. and do a short report (with Mom/Dad of course) and then ask if THEY would like to help with the report too. (Maybe offer a few dollars for their time). This 'tricky' way of doing it, may just work.

Of course those who want to INSIST on other using it may have a harder road, but that is your decision. My mother LOVED being able to hear her shows and not be a 'bother' to anyone else.

I hope this helps.
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My dad refuses to wear a hearing aide so one year when he came to visit I went to the local radio shak and bought this pair of headphones that plug into the tv. He can turn them up as loud as he wants and the rest of us can watch at a normal level. You can now go online and find them on Amazon; we now have ones for him that plug into the stereo sound so he has no issues with hearing the TV.
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I, totally understand. since you are caring for her. Make an appt for you both, i have hearing loss because i felt guilty. It is not fair for her to do this to you. Make that appt ,if only for her, and remind her-she is in YOUR care & in order for you to do it, she has to do her part.
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I had this same problem with my mother. She does have a hearing old, but it is old and (30 years) and needs to be replaced. Now that she is in the nursing home it is bothering everyone else. ANyway, the nurses arranged for a hearing test and she needs to spend down some of her money in order to stay on medicaid, so now she has the money to get a new hearing aid for the left ear and at last one for the right ear. Now we will see if she can keep track of both of the hearing aids in the nursing home when she gets them.

What I did when I was taking care of her for five years, I wore cotton balls in my ears. She and her boyfriend insisted on having the TV on so loud you could hear it all the way down the hall in the assisted living apartment. Half of hte time they feel asleep over the TV anyway and I would go over and turn it down after they fell asleep.
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It's good to see all of the great answers here, and I agree with all of them. if she won't have a hearing test, perhaps the granddaughter can politely 'shame' her into a visit to the doctor. "Grandmom why didn't you hear me calling you?, lets go have our ears tested like they do in school!"

Using subtitles and parental controls (or tv control) for maximum volume will help too! Teenagers seem to do the same thing too, and TV companies know it! Besides your mother won't be able to change it back, especially if you make the change when she isn't around. After all you don't want to anger her by changing things.

And wireless headphones! Couldn't live without them here when Mom was still at home with us. We still use them! And with the invention of light easy to wear WIRELESS, it makes it even easier for elders to comply.

There are many solutions to a single problem,and sometimes we need to employ different ones at different times! Great ideas everyone!!
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cc

When my mother was still living with my father the volume was on with closed caption. She could hear . . he could read. Now that she's in the nursing home the volume is completely off. It's so quiet that I need to check on him occasionally forgetting that he's reading the tv. lol
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Turn on your TV's subtitles.
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she needs to get a hearing test.. its the safety issues that I think of.. listening for the doorbell, answering the phone, simple things like hearing the microwave buzz or the boiling water on the stove..
. we had a simple solution for my Mom.. either get a hearing test or your granddaughter does not come and visit you without supervision. Its harsh but it works.. now my Mom has the independance she needed and can watch and hear her grandaughter with no problems.
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This is a tough spot, you have my sympathies! We went through this with my dad and grandmother. For grandma we got some wireless headphones. She had the TV as loud as she wanted and we didn't suffer. For my dad, we gave him the living room and converted another room for our TV. We were all content that way. When he finally moved to a hospice, he also got wireless earphones but didn't care for TV much after that...
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We all feel guilt, no matter what we do, was it the right thing to do, was it the wrong thing, could I have done this, that, it's always in the back of our heads.

Maybe if you get 2 pairs of earplugs, plug both in, sit down with your mom and see how that works out. If you can't plug in two, how about YOU were a pair, sit down with her, and gently suggest she try them on and talk about the acoustics, and how clear the sound is. Maybe she will be curious to see and take them, put them on, and keep them on.

Lord knows that lour T.V. drives us all crazy at one time or another so know that you're not alone in that area.

Hope this helps.
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