I remarried 6 years ago, my wife and I are both in our early 60's, I work full time, my wife works here and there. For the first 5 years, my wife's father who is now 92 would come and live with us for 4-5 months during the summer months. He owns a house in Florida free and clear, he's able to care for himself, but he's no longer allowed to drive. We did hire a part time caregiver 3 days a week in Florida to check in on him and take him to any appointments, cook, clean, the store, etc. It worked well but my wife hated the idea of paying for help. Financially my father in law is well off. This past summer when he was with us I was told that my father in law decided that he was going to live with us full time which has happened. Here is my issue, my wife, my father in law, her brother who lives 30 miles away have helped me financially with 0$ over the past 6 years, this includes all living expenses. My wife feels it's my responsibility to financially support my father in law as well as give her money on a monthly basis (hair, nails, travel etc). My wife is now her fathers 24/7 care giver, her brother could care less. I have become the third wheel in my marriage as her father comes first, our relationship starts when he goes to bed at 9. When I brought up that they should contribute monthly, (it wouldn't dent my father in law finances) I was told nope, never going to happen, I am so wrong.
I feel used... frustrated... I'm ready to tell them to pack their bags and go live at his house in Florida..
I'm tired of being the bad guy....
Laying down the law TO you about how things WILL be is not the way a good marriage works. It is not your responsibility to give your wife money on a monthly basis to support her hair, nails, travel plans OR her father's decision to move into your home permanently, without your consent and without a prior discussion about it.
Expecting your FIL to pay room and board at your home is NOT an unreasonable expectation. Your wife, on the other hand, refusing to ask such a thing of her daddy IS unreasonable.
In fact, her entire attitude in this matter is 100% unreasonable and unless she's willing to do a complete 180 degree turn around, I'd show them both the door.
But that's just me. I expect respect in a marriage, from both parties. You're not being shown any respect by your wife or by her father. Enough is enough.
You are not the bad guy, either, by the way.
Good luck standing your ground.
Might be time to consult an attorney before discussing you next move with your wife. I think they're taking you for a chump.
"Here is my issue, my wife, my father in law, her brother who lives 30 miles away have helped me financially with 0$ over the past 6 years, this includes all living expenses."
Are you saying that BIL and FIL have loaned you money? If so, thats all you owe them, the loans. You owe ur wife nothing, thats marriage. For now, pay back what FIL loaned you offsetting his support. When the loan is satisfied, then tell him he is on his own. There is no reason that his son or daughter need to support him if he has the money.
Was your wife working when u took these loans? If not she should have been. If your paychecks can't cover your expenses, then she should be working. Yep, you may be getting played here. Maybe time to relook at this marriage. Has DW always expected you to just pay her way? The little lady being able to stay home and being the Homemaker is pretty much long gone.
Oh and those loans, she owes half of them if they were used for living expenses that she also takes advantage of.
They seem to be taking you for a fool. Where do they get the nerve?!
Was the plan for Pop to third wheel your marriage from the get go ever discussed with you before the wedding? It’s nice tax-wise that he worked it so he kept his Florida residency too, huh?
If he has the means then he should be responsible for his own retirement. From your point of view, it sounds like brother and sister are using you so that they’re saved from any outlay of that sweet, sweet inheritance.