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I live in TN and my 87 yo mom lives in Florida (by choice). Its challenging, and the fact I am an only child adds to that. Would love to compare notes with other people in my position.

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I am a state away from mom (about 75 miles), but brother is 10 minutes away. When she had a stroke and needed more than Independent Living, we decided she had to live in close proximity to one of us in case of emergencies or hospitalizations. But mom gets that we have to live our lives and that we have to make certain decisions in order to get her the best care.

In another part of the family, parents moved from the Midwest to Florida, just as my uncle began to develop dementia. When it became clear that things had gotten out of hand (my demented uncle was beating up my aunt to get the key so he could wander) my cousins hired a geriatric care manager (with their parents' funds, of course) to be the local eyes, ears and hands. It's something you might consider.
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Freqflyer - she moved back to where she lived before she came to TN. Didn't like TN at all, and didn't like being with "all those old people" in her independent living community... She does have some friends down there but not many given their age, a great woman who cleans for her and helps her and her handyman and family.
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Hhandbasket, the key word in your post was *choice*. Your Mom choose to live in Florida, was it because that is what elders are suppose to do? Or is there family or close friends who also live in Florida?
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I am 1500 miles from mother. She is in a NH. But, there is a grandson, within 90 miles. He is POA. I have little to no contact with Mother, due to her hearing loss.
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I live in one state and mom lives in another. She used to live about a mile from me until she couldn't live alone anymore.
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oops - geriatric psychiatric hospital where she is now and on the meds she needs and will be moved shortly to a facility with a mental heath mandate. When se was 96 she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, she is narcissistic, and then developed paranoia and has been diagnosed now with vascular dementia. Physically she is very healthy for a 102 year old.

Caregiving at a distance has its own disadvantages but, frankly, with my mother's mental health problems, I don't want to be too close and need to establish and maintain firm boundaries. I have developed good relationships with the staff where she lives which helps.

There are a few people on this site who are distance caregivers. I hope some others respond.

Happy thanksgiving and do something good for you. Number one for the caregiver - look after yourself.
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Hi HH - I am in Canada and a 5 hour drive from my mother. I have POA financial and health. I have a sister but she causes trouble rather than helping so is an added liability. Mother was in her own apartment until she was about 96, with a live in 24/7 senior nanny the last 9 months, then we moved her to an ALF (assisted living), then 6 months later to another ALF, and after about 2 years there throubles increased and eventually she was t into a geriatric sychiatr
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i'm afraid I can't offer any advice. I am the care taker of my cousin, who resides in a Memory Care Unit in another county. It's a huge responsibility and takes a lot of time. I can't imagine doing it from another state.Are you her POA?

Perhaps some who share the same situation will respond. I'm sure you are not alone. It may be slow around here due to the holiday though.
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