My boyfriend and I live with my mom who has no respect for herself or us? - AgingCare.com

My boyfriend and I live with my mom who has no respect for herself or us?

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My mom was having an affair with a man and he basically screwed her life. It isn't all his fault, she let her business go under because she didn't spend anytime there but she doesn't see that it is their fault. She moved in with us under the pretense that we would her help her get back on her feet. That was two years ago. For the first year and a half she told us that she wasn't seeing him and there were multiple times when it transpired that she was and he had been round to our house without us knowing. We have been close to kicking her out before but she always plays the victim and at one point threatened suicide. We moved to a slightly bigger place so that she could have more room and she started paying us more rent as she now has a stable job. I recently found out that she has been talking to the guy that she had an affair with and he was meant tocome round our house. It also appears that there have also been multiple men off of dating sites that have been round. I know this because I went through her ipad as i knew there was something going on with her. She has stopped talking to my sister about anything and has stopped going to her therapist. I know I need to do something but I'm not sure how approach her. If she is ever confronted she just walks away and doesn't ever discuss it. Me and boyfriend are at the end of our tether. We want to have our own life but I don't want to lose my mom.

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I agree. Time for you to lay it down. If she is considered low income, maybe Hud can help her with rent. I would not like strange men in my house when I wasn't there.
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You agreed to help her get back on her feet. She is now employed. Good job!

Time to go your separate ways. Mission accomplished.
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As Pamzimrrt said, move to a smaller place. Something affordable to you and your boyfriend, and not user-friendly to your mom. And as Tacy022 said, be ready to sever ties with your mom for an indefinite period, maybe years. She needs to grow up, and she won't with you as an enabler.
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This arrangement will not work! Period!
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You and boyfriend give her a deadline to move out. If she needs subsidized housing for the elderly, get her on a waiting list ASAP.
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To be clear,, it sounds as if Mom lives with YOU,,, not you with her,, as you are getting the bigger place. Now you have possibly multiple strange men in and out of your home? And you say she has a job now? Maybe it's time for you two to move back into a smaller place on your own, and she does the same, before you find yourselves robbed blind. You already know she lies... I know for myself I could not stand not knowing who was in and out of my home and stuff. And multiple men... WOW
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Marry this guy. Any man that sticks around through all this is a keeper!
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The question is how much are you willing to tolerate. My parents had an open marriage but got divorced when my father violated their agreement. After my mom, he had several girlfriends and is on wife 4. I disapproved of his choices and didnt talk to him for over a decade due to his decisions. Eventually, he married a nice woman who straightened him out and we resumed our relationship.

My point is in these circumstances, you need to decide what you are willing to tolerate. Sometimes it is necessary to cut ties with your parents and allow them to make and repair their mistakes before you can have a quality relationship with them.
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