Live-in care versus facility: How do I figure out what to do? - AgingCare.com

Live-in care versus facility: How do I figure out what to do?

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My dad is 91 years old and has vascular dementia. He was diagnosed Almost 2 years ago and until 2 months ago, he was doing ok. He would have "fuzzy" days, when nothing he said made sense, but then the next day he would be pretty good again. He would get fixated on stuff, but I could usually distract him and we'd be ok. Now his mind seems always in a state of confusion. We just started in-home care, Monday through Friday, 9 to 5, while I'm at work. This weekend has been a nightmare. He woke up at 5:00 am very upset and crying and I finally got him to go back to sleep. My husband died almost two years ago, and I'm an only child. My two kids try to help me, but I save them for emergencies. I've got to work. On the weekend I do the laundry and try to do a little yard work. I need more help. My dad has always said he never wanted to go into a facility, he wants to stay at home. Our house could work for a live-in care giver. What are the pros/cons of each? Thanks so much.

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Yes,Hiring help at home is a good solution,They allows a person with special needs stay in their home and home care services available to help you maintain your independence within the comfort of your own home.
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momobrien - I can't thank you enough for posting the link to the Front Line expose' of the Emeritus chain of assisted living/memory care facilities. This program was aired a little over two weeks ago - and is excellent info after a year-long investigation. Now, I'm not saying all facilities are like this because I know they're not - as evidenced by comments on this forum - but it does give one pause when making an informed decision. Facilities that are 'for profit' might need more checking into, however. Regardless, I would highly recommend taking 30 min. to watch this program as a heads up.
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What would You want if it were you? One huge reason I have Mom is so when she does cry or need something I am right here for her and she is never alone or afraid. They are alone in nursing homes, talk to someone who has worked at one before you decide please. I have hired cna's to help me and the most gorgeous nursing homes still have too many patients, if they dont eat in time, they take it, and they can fall and get infections there. I cannot imagine having a 90+ year old move, home is best if you can get the help. Home is 1-on-one care, placing them means 7-12patients to one person. Its a sacrafice but so worth it, I've had mom Mom over 5 years and will never place her, she is with me forever. She is in late stages, cannot walk, incontinent, and I puree and feed her foods to her. I wouldnt trade it for any nursing home. Think long and hard and good luck to you and make sure its the right decision for you both.
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I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughtful and thought provoking answers. I have visited one Memory Care facility and plan to look at two more in the area. I have also talked with the care coordinatior of the home care company we are using during the work day. Live-in care would cost about the same as my dad is paying now by the hourly rate. Still don't know what I'm going to do. But I'm looking at all the options. Thanks again.
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momobrien - I think you have hit the nail right on the head and said it so well. Of course home care what always be preferable if the space, finances, time physical capacity and assistance all come together to work out in the favor of the patient. There is truly no right or wrong answer as each situation must be individually evaluated based on the needs of the patient and caregiver.
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Mrs. O'Brien, You seem to have a very caring attitude regarding home health care. Good for you, and may you continue to "know what to do" under any and all circumstances.
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I think AL and memory care facilities are a much better option because of the security and balance they can offer. In most cases much more economical than 24/7 in home care. Consider finances and long term prognosis and therefore skilled care needs that may be required in the future.

This would take the day to day burden off of you.

Maybe consider visiting a couple places and having him stay in one place for 2 weeks as respite care. You can see how he does and he might just like the dining, social and activities offered.
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When you have exhausted all forms of self-help and used all the equipment that we now have on hand for disabled persons, then you may say to yourself, " I need more help". If you simply can not manage anymore, then you'll know that the time has come to seek outside help in a facility.
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I think it depends on cost, unfortunately. In home care would cost $5000 a month here in NYS. Once your money is gone and you are eligible for Medicaid then you have to take a nursing home that will accept you. With funds, you have a better choice of homes. I feel terribly guilty even though mom is in a good place, but I also felt that I couldn't exhaust her funds and leave her to the whim of the Medicaid system.
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If you get live in help, be sure and set the boundaries early and even write down what is ok with you (friends visiting) and what is not (boyfriend issues, smoking). Be clear and both should sign the agreement and periodically review and update any adjustments.
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