I feel like I’m being picky but I have a live-in aide for my parents. We provide the food for her, but she wants to get her own food. Am I being unfair?

Ang, it is time for a review of the agreement.

What is expected from her and what her compensation is should be in writing with a 3 or 6 month meeting to review and update based on current needs.

If she is willing and expected to be on duty 24/7 you should be willing to compensate her with her food choices, because not many caregivers are willing to be available 24/7. It is your job to ensure she is getting fair and adequate compensation. However that is done.

I would try to find a market that has what she wants for cheaper. I live in a decent size city and we have many cultural markets. Products in them are usually 3-5x more cheaper then in the regular grocery store.

I would definitely want the caregiver to hang up the phone when actively helping mom or dad, it's called respect. This is a bigger deal breaker for me then her wanting expensive food.

Why did you hire her and not ask if the cheap food your parents eat will to be a problem for her culturally?
You say she's on the phone all the time. I really don't see how a person can be on the phone all day long who isn't working a job in a call center. So, that's probably a bit of embellishment of the truth on your part.
You don't mention your foreign help being sent from a care agency. Is she privately hired? Much of the time a family will hire a foreign caregiver and pay them under the table in cash because it's cheaper than hiring an experienced, professional caregiver who can legally work. I can't fault people for trying to save money or make it go farther. Don't expect professional, high-quality caregiving services if you're not willing to pay what they cost.
Are your parents decently cared for? Are they clean, fed, and living in a clean environment?
If you answer 'yes' to these questions, you'd do well not to complain too much. If you're worried about making your parents' money go further, taking care of them yourself for free will really make it last.
If not and you have a decent caregiver for not one, but both of your disabled parents, I'd suggest you kick in a few bucks personally so the caregiver can eat from her own culture.

Good Morning,

Just give the caregiver a budget to work within or anything beyond that is out-of-pocket at her expense.

Same thing goes on during Prom season when the daughter wants a million $$$ dress and the parents are thinking more in the $250 range. Just give them a limit and the rest they can pay for.

When I was a full time care giver for my mother I kept the house reasonably clean, prepared the meals for both of us, got her up and dressed and attended to her toileting/incontinence as needed. I provided what entertainment she was able to enjoy, music or perhaps a game show, there was a period of time she liked audio books. I was completely tied down because she was helpless and couldn't be left alone, someone needed to be on hand in case she needed something.
BUT I still spent the majority of my days doing something other than hands on caring for her - I read, I gardened, I exercised and yes, I wasted time on the internet. NOBODY should be expected to be "on" every minute of their shift, I've compared the position to that of an emergency responder like a firefighter, you still get paid to sit around the fire hall waiting for a call. As long as the agreed upon duties are getting done to your satisfaction (and what those are should all be detailed in the contract) then installing cameras with the intent of catching her being idle or banning her phone is overkill.

Not a good sign she’s on the phone - even while helping your parents.

Her attention’s not on them - and it’s disrespectful.

Food issue: I think she’s being abusive, by intentionally seeking out more expensive items. Even ingredients to cook food from other cultures shouldn’t cost more.

She should be able to buy and eat the foods she is accustomed to. Give her a food allowance and she can buy what she eats. This way you stay within budget. The phone is a problem. How do you know she’s on the phone all day? I would ask her about that and Remind her she’s paid to care for your parents and the phone is off limits while she’s working.

The constant phone use is more of an issue for me than the food. You may want to consider getting a nest camera of some kind to monitor activities. My mom and aunt both have sitters. Aunt has cameras in her house.

The caregivers are welcome to any food & drink they want and yes we buy some extras they enjoy. It is not excessive and both ladies are very well cared for.

No chronic phone use but aunt's caregivers use their tablets a lot especially when aunt is napping.

As long as the work is done I have no objection.

If she doesn't like the food you provide she needs to bring her own. And the phone thing needs to go . That's to excessive. I agree need to put camera up.

I can't imagine any employer allowing personal phone usage during working hours. If her meals are part of her contract, have her shop for her own food and you reimburse her up to an amount you both can agree on.

Call Visiting Angels and ask how they pay their staff: that's your competition.

The tail is wagging the dog. Tell her she cannot be on the telephone for hours at a time and if she wants different food than what your parents are eating, she must provide her own food, She is just scamming you to get free food. I am so sick of care givers!