Can we live in 55+ community if my husband is 45 and I am 30 but my mother-in-law will be on the lease?

Each community is different but if they tout themselves as a 55 and over community then that is the expectation. Your relative might want to check with them before going on a lease that would include the two of you. Many of these communities have an HOA or other covenants that would prevent residents from allowing children and others under 55 from becoming permanent residents.

Thank you each and everyone for your input about this situation! I really really appreciate it!!!
I didn't realized I had so many replies, I kept refreshing first page without any thought that I already have more replies but they are on other pages. I didn't see there was Next button. :)
You are great community, thank you for your support.
We decided to sell our home. There is not much we can do right now. Lawyers don't want to take this kind of cases. I guess not enough $$$ in it.
We will move out and we probably will rent. I found smoke free apartments. They are $500 more per month than we have been paying for our current bills. And we will have one bedroom apartment 670sq vs 1800sq that we have right now. We might look into owning and buying seperate lot with a house but we got discouraged so much due that we invested so much time and money into this place. It is our first home as couple and now it is all a waste of money and time. I just pray we at least we get back money we invested in renovation and remodeling with selling our home. Thanks God the value on our home is higher than we previously bought it.
Regarding 55+ communities, I called around to a few and the one I was interested in don't allow young people to live there and they are not smoke free. Unless we buy home in 55+ community then that could be more controlled. But I don't want to own home anymore... It is heartbreaking leave this one.

My situation was similar to yours but a little different. The only way you can do this is to be a reasonable accommodation to your MIL. I am not sure the both of you can live there, but i know one of you can under reasonable accommodation.  Also, I am not sure about the fact that MIL is only there part time and I am guessing that you would be there full time.  That would negate the “reasonable accommodation”.  

It will depend on the 55 plus community's rules.

I agree with ToYoungForThis. I have lived in 55+ places. You would be lying if you say you are live-in caregivers for someone who is only there 1/2 of the time. The neighbors will notice and would have a right to complain about you. Grandparents babysit, guests come and stay a long time and people have a right to smoke in their own home.

I don't know how you could contact this guy's Probation Officer, if he has one, you might ask at the police station or the DA's office.

It sounds like you need to sell your place and purchase a house with a large lot. Make sure you have room on both sides of the house and in the rear. We have 10 feet between houses and sometimes we hear them over the fence.

55 and up is just that. Its set up for people who want to be surrounded by people their age group they can socialize with. Plus there no children. Really, don't think u'd be happy. Like said, MIL would have to live there fulltime.

Sell the townhouse & buy your own single family home on its own piece of property. This way, you don't have to deal with an attached/semi-attached dwelling and whatever neighbors live next to you. Moving into a 55+ community isn't going to guarantee you that your neighbors won't smoke, watch their grandchildren every other day, etc. I think your current situation is proof of that---an elderly couple whose younger son moved in with them. The elderly couple isn't the problem, the son is. The only way to guarantee this won't happen again is to buy your own house on its own property. Forget about the condo/townhouse thing.

I'm assuming that your parent is in non-subsidized housing.

My mother was looking at a 55+ retirement community. At the time, I was under 55. She wanted me to live with her (not a good idea, but that's a story for another time). All of the retirement communities she looked at said, "Not a problem." They all said something like, "From the perspective of the landlord, the qualifying person will be the head of household. The head of household then requests that the under 55s be placed on the lease." In my case, because I'm disabled, all the managers told me that, if my mother passed away before I reached the qualifying age, they would continue the lease--and they were willing to put that in writing.

When you do something like this, document everything. You definitely want to be on the lease. Also, get a letter from the management company clearly stating what will happen if your parent should pass before you age into the place.

Hope that helps,
DoN

This is a very ticklish situation and could be dangerous as well. If he smokes weed, who knows what else he’s “doing”. He must certainly have the connections. The main problem is, hubby has already spoken to the guy so he knows you have issues with him. If you call APS or the police, like I wrote before, who knows what he’d do.

You don’t need to move into a 55+ community and deal with rules and regulations. There are plenty of nice townhomes around. Take your time and research the neighborhoods around you. And if I were you, I would keep on the Management. You pay your HOA fees the same way this guy does. Do you deserve less than him? Whomever you spoke with at Management certainly has a superior. Keep going up the ladder and being a “squeaky wheel” until something is done.

I live in a 55+ apartment complex. But it only has to be 80 percent 55 and over. So we have young people and special needs. That can be a problem (I called the police on young neighbors who were slapping and hitting and yelling at each other with the baby yelling in the background. They finally were tossed out but it took awhile.  And even though the signs say, "No Smoking", apparently it just means you can't smoke in the common areas because all the smokers smoke in their apartments.

Call the HOA and ask them the minimum time your mother-in-law has to be in residence to qualify to be on the lease and fulfill the 55 and over issue. Also ask if 20% of the residents can be UNDER age 55 and what percentage are they up to now.

It's illegal to discriminate based on age under federal law, but federal law may not apply here and I'm sure there are exceptions for private associations of various types. I don't think these communities are legally required to allow any younger people in, although in practice many of them do.

I thought it was illegal to discriminate due to age. I own a villa in a 55 + community and I was under the impression that a certain percentage could be under 55. If that is what you want to do call some places and inquire about the age limitations. Good luck.

FLButterfly -- Aside from whether you can find a technicality that would permit you to live in a 55 and over community, I suggest you consider whether you would be welcome there. My husband and I moved to a 55+ community when we were both in our early sixties. I am a youthful person, but would not have felt welcoming toward a permanent resident of your age. I do sympathise with the negative aspects of your current living situation. Follow the legal advice you receive here.

If you move to an 55+ retirement you can move with your mother in law as her private live in caregivers, and go on the lease, that is the loop hole.

I don't know why anyone is trying to convince her to deal with this guy. I don't know if you could move to a 55+ community unless you ask them. In any case you shouldn't feel threatened in your own home, which is what that guy is doing to you. Sell it and move! But be sure you are happy doing that and be real careful about your next neighborhood. Good luck!

How do you know so much about his criminal history?

Have you asked your neighbor to try sealing the vent between your two apartments, if that's how the smoke is coming in?

Have you tried a HEPA air filter machine?  They work wonderfully at eliminating all kinds of environmental smells. 

You mentioned changing the pressure in your house. To do any good, you would need to maintain positive pressure and I don't know how you can do that without special equipment. My duggestion would be to make an anonymous complaint to APS (Adult Protective Services) on behalf of his parents. They would investigate to see if he is harming them.

freqflyer, that guys is about my husbund age. Around 45, Hispanic. He was in prison for 20 years for robberies. He got out a year ago and he went to live with his parents because I guess he has no where to go. His parent about 70-80 years old. They stay at home all the time. I don't know if he is helping them or not.
We tried to find him on websites where they list all felons or those that on parole but we couldn't find him. And we gave up. He actually was in Chicago prison.
I think we should report him somehow but we can't figure out how so he wouldn't think that we did it. He is mad guy I don't want even think what he could do if he will find out that we reported him.

FLbutterfly, how old are his parents? Is he there to watch over them due to their age, or is he a young fellow who had no were to go but back to live with his parents? 

Since this young fellow is an ex-convict, he probably is on parole, thus his marijuana smoking would be in violation of him being on parole.  I wonder if there is some way you can make a complaint to his parole officer without giving out your name and address.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.
I spoke with my husband and he said that he personally spoke with HOA president and wrote an email to Management company at the same time. And HOA president said that she also will speak with Managent company. So at the end they both said they are not gonna get involved, we need to contact police.
So we are thinking to hire a lawyer who deal with management companies.
I do have a question for you. So if he will not smoke marijuana and other substances and only smoke cigarets the Managent company cannot do anything about it? Right?
He does smokes marijuana, he did admitted when my husband talked to him. And we don't think he was prescribed as medication. He doesn't have a car, he rides bicycle and he doesn't work.
So my question is if Management company eventually decide to pursue this case, they can't force him to stop smoke cigarets.?
My husband tries to create positive or negative pressure between walls maybe smoke will spoke leake into our unit and maybe it will resolve this problem.

FLbutterfly, no matter where you go to live there will be a chance of having a neighbor who smokes, or someone new who moves in that does smoke. Smoking is allowed in one's home. It would be worth your time to look around for a totally smoke-free buildings if you rather live in a condo... some places have condo townhouses.

As for the 55+ communities, there might be some smoke-free buildings, again you would need to check around. Please note, these complexes are very strict about their 55+. Don't be surprised if you find out that at least one spouse or partner needs to be 55 or older, and the other spouse/partner no younger than 45.

Having your mother-in-law on your Lease may or may not work. Some 55+ communities will allow a younger relative to move in it the tenant can prove she need to have full-time caregivers.

To reiterate;

I'd file written complaints with HOA (not oral), management, my own insurance company. this is NOT a criminal matter. This is a civil complaint and you may need to get your lawyer involved.

And call APS.

Homeowner’s Associations and Management Companies are 2 different things. Our HOA is powerless and worthless. They hold pancake breakfasts, wine and app socials, organize a small community garden and publish a monthly newsletter full of admonishments that they never follow up on. Our development is Manufactured Housing. Check your paperwork from when you bought your home and see if it mentions a Management Company.

Just a caveat. If your hubby has already gone to the man and complained, I’d hesitate to call the police unless you truly feel you are in danger. He’s going to know it was you. No saying what this freak could do if he’s high. And I’d make sure I have eyes on his mom pretty regularly as well.

Try the Management Company first. They have the power to lean on the HOA. It will benefit you either way. No matter what age I was, if I came to look at a townhouse to buy and the area reeked of weed, I’d beat a nasty retreat.

Yes, we did complained to our HOA and we told them about this guy and that my husband went there couple times and asked not to smoke inside or at least open windows and garage. But the guy even threatened to beat my husband up.
So we told this story to HOA and they say we have to contact police. HOA can't do anything. But I don't really believe them. I think they could do something but since my husbund is sick right now and we both work. I have no energy to fight this "beast" called HOA.
We do own our Townhouse, of course we still have mortgage on it. We moved there three years ago. And everything was fine till this guy moved in.
The smoke travel between walls and floor. We are trying to seal holes the best as we can but we do still feel it in some places.

Thank you all for your thoughts!

Do you currently rent or own?

There is an implicit warrant of habitibility in most states. Send a written communication to management, HOA, landlord. CC the local real estate board, whichever real estate agents currently show these condos.

Contact the holder of your homeowners or renters insurance and inquire about insurance paying for alternate accommodations until the smoke condition is remediated.

In other words, play hardball.

Oh, and call APS.

I agree that it depends entirely on the rules of the community you apply to. My mother, sister and brother in law live in a 55+ community and there are exceptions for younger people only if they are the caregiver of the older resident. It would be hard to argue that you're caregiver for you MIL if she's only 70 and only a seasonal resident.

Other communities have the rule that only one resident needs to be 55+, but a lot of those also have a rule that any additional residents need to be at least 40, or 45. You'd really need to ask around to see if you can find a community that will accept you at your ages.

Have you complained, in writing, to the management company of your townhouse? Almost 2 years ago, one of the homes in our development burned. Our management company did nothing for over a year and a half. (There was no investigation,it was just laziness on the management). The lot became a breeding ground for insects, skunks, stray cats and was filled with trash and overgrown weeds. It was awful. I’d finally had enough this spring and sent an email to the Board of Comissioners of our Management Company. It wasn’t nasty, just factual. Within a week, a crew and a large dumpster arrived. Over the summer, the broken down fence was removed, the weeds plowed under and the house completed from the outside.

Before you let this scum bag chase you out of your home, contact the Management Company.

I would think it would depend on the community.. some would be more strict about the age requirement. My parents used to live in a 55 + community but the average age was really closer to around 80. I am in my 50's and would feel out of place living in that community. At some point... maybe in my 60's or 70s I might consider moving to such a place.

There may be some younger leaning communities then the one my parents lived .. 30 seems so young to me.. heck.. even your mother in law at 70 is relatively young for at that place.

It was very quiet tho.. and the swimming pool was almost always empty.