No family anywhere that would take responsibility for me. I've considered asking a friend I trust to move into my home for help for as long as I can remain there. Perhaps putting that person in my will, or an outright stipend as long as they were there? I am not rich, but comfortable with a large equity in my home and a paid for car.

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I am in a similar situation. I don't have Alz but have memory issues and lots and lots of physical disabilities. What I did is made a Will and Advanced Directive and an Alzhiemer advanced directive...even if it's not "legal" in my state, it covers a lot of the "wants" and I attached it to my advanced directive that is legal. It lets my wishes be known. I also completed the Compassion and Choices paperwork in a way that suits my preferences, regarding Right to Die. I think, whether Pro or Con, it's important to state MY WISHES, because sometimes doctors get funky and try to play God with insurance, and dole out care based on what they think is covered, VS what is actually covered, and what a person wants. So i got very specific and wrote it down. I also made a video explaining everything.

I made a different video for my caregivers..This is how i like my hair brushed, This is what i like to eat. Like a series of training videos.

These are the topics i covered:

Food and diet
Medications (I take this one with food. I know the doc said this, I do it like this....)
Clothes and Laundry
Passwords and Financial Accounts (I also dictated permission to my bank to let the person who is pay on death have permission to close the account even if some of the paperwork was not exactly correct...etc. Don't know if this will work, but i explained it.I have filled out a financial POA....)
I did a video of explaining what i do for fun, a bit of my family history,
etc..all of the things a person would need to know to care for me is on video.
What kind of toothpaste i use....etc etc etc.

mentioned the video in my ADvanced directives.

I also made a video that explained, for instance, when my friend had a stroke and needed a feeding tube, I don't want that. that i am OK with this treatment in this situation many as i can think of, and my reasons why.

It might sound kind of creepy, and I didn't do it all at once, but once i got it done, i felt really at peace, like I could stay in the present minute and not worry too much about the future.

I also sold a LOT of my stuff. Took pictures of it, but simplified. Saves on caregiving costs.

in terms of the actual person to name on the DPOA, i started hanging out on some of these websites where young millennials hang out and watched for the smart ones, that I basicaily agreed with, who don't back down easy, and are good advocates. Finally asked one or two of them to be a final advocate for me, and to watch my videos. Introduced these people to my friends, and doctors, had them fingerprinted, and referenced. I mean, what the heck. Didn't know my first grade teacher either. Leap of faith.
I talk to my doctors A LOT.
And yes, my attorney.
Hope I go in my sleep, quietly and peacefully, like my grandpa did. Not kicking and screaming like the folks in the backseat of his car......:) good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (20)

Sit down with your attorney first and foremost. Do the legal paperwork now to avoid pitfalls later. Just putting the friend in a Will won't do them any good, because if you need memory care on Medicaid, the friend won't get title to the home or the car.
Helpful Answer (6)

sam, I will have to plan the same thing one day, and maybe others with family should plan roughly the same anyway. Good for you. After you plan this part, based on the good replies above, my thoughts are you should check out all the progressive care facilities (the ones that have independent living condos all the way to full-time care rooms) around you, and set yourself up with one for later when home care may not be enough. Good luck and take good care of yourself.
Helpful Answer (6)

Well if you have dementia you will need an attorney to draw up a contract for this "trusted" friend. Friends can quickly take advantage of someone who is going to get worse, is in a terminal state, and can be manipulated. Perhaps hiring a fiduciary to oversee your bank account, real estate, and spell out exactly what this friend may or may not do. Even relatives will take advantage of someone in your condition, so be weary. Best wishes!
Helpful Answer (6)

It's good that you are thinking about the future and making plans for what you might need. Have you talked to family members who live far from you about it?

If that is truly not an option, then I might first consult with an Elder Law attorney who is familiar with financial planning and who may be able to make some suggestions. There are quite a few posters around here, who have knowledge about planning for extended care. I hope they will chime in. They may give you some things to consider before meeting with an attorney. The law may vary by state.

The reason I suggest the attorney, is that your assets or property might be needed to help pay for your long term care. There are laws about how all of that works and what might disqualify you, such as if your income is too high for things like Medicaid assistance with long term care. It might also determine if your house would be kept clear of a lien depending on your financial situation and qualifications. It's all very complex, imo. Maybe, others here can explain it better than I can.

Oh, an attorney might also provide advice regarding a contract for home care services, if you go that route. They might also suggest things about your Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care POA and Will.

I hope you are able to find your answers. I'd be interested to know how it works out.
Helpful Answer (5)

I know you would like to stay in ur home but maybe its time to consider an AL. The ones in my area are very nice and are able to keep u till u pass. Have a friend go with you and meet with an administrator. They will look over ur assets. Here u need two years private pay and once u have paid down Medicaid will take over. I would do any funeral arrangements up front. Personally, I wouldn't expect a friend to take on the responsibility. It will get to a point that she will be giving up her life to take care of you.
Helpful Answer (5)

@SamHouston, I recommend you consider a professional fiduciary with experience overseeing the care and finances of a person with Alzheimers.

I have had a few patients in your situation. We have some good fiduciaries in my area who provide this service, and although it's not a perfect solution, it often works fairly well.

I have also had patients who have a friend as power of attorney overseeing the care, and most friends end up extremely overwhelmed. (This role can be overwhelming for family members too, but often there are several family members involved which can make the work more manageable.)

You can and likely should meet with an eldercare attorney to help figure out your financial long-term plan, but this doesn't replace the need to identify someone who will oversee and organize your care. The fiduciaries I have worked with often lead a team, which includes a care manager to hire in-person aides or coordinate care with the medical providers.

Moving into a facility can be a good choice, but you will still need someone to oversee your medical care, as well as your financial/legal affairs.

Good luck, it's a challenging situation to manage but very good that you are thinking ahead.
Helpful Answer (4)

ruthie, I love your planning and approach, it's inspiring! And a great joke at the end, love that one. Best wishes to you!
Helpful Answer (3)

Zdarov, you wrote just what I was thinking. I would arrange to have the house sold and get legalities sorted, then move into a continuing care community if I could afford it. My neighbors and the staff would help to substitute for having no family.
Helpful Answer (3)

The issue I have with selling the house she has been living in is adjusting to a new place is not something people with dementia do well. This house is in her long term memory and she knows where everything is. If one can stay put, stay put unless she really wants to move to a new place.
Helpful Answer (3)

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