Like I don't have enough to deal with already! Isn't this what she gets paid for?

You said said  "Am I missing something?" and when you were asked if you were aware that humans need to sleep you said "Yup but i didn't think i was paying her to sleep lol." So yeah, I guess you are missing something. Maybe awareness of how time works? Since you can't figure out why she can't do her sleeping when she's not working, when she apparently works 24/7. I know it's confusing when people who aren't JanIneed exist and have needs. Ciao!

I think I would find another care giver who isn’t “ threatened “ by your concern for your mother’s safety. Go thru a reputable agency and then dismiss this “ lazy, selfish” person. She isn’t getting paid to SLEEP And the function of an alarm system is to alert the caregivers to potential danger of the person whom they are caring for. Her attitude is unacceptable. Good luck💜

I have heard it work with 2 aides doing 12 hours shifts each. (Can't say I'd be up for those hours personally..). 1 for day + 1 for o/night. Main duties were for company, assistance & supervision. No actual nursing duties. Have no idea on day/night pay rates/contracts etc.

Aides had 2 shifts off a week, these were covered by family. I'm not sure how sick leave or holidays were handled.

The client, let's call her Madam, was very anxious & had demanded for years to have only her daughter help. Daughter had to seek much therapy to free herself from that slavedom first. Madam finally accepted a home aide *as her choice* as prefered over moving into a residential care home/NH. Madam originally demanded only ONE aide. Again, this was slavedom & so 2 were employed.

As others have pointed out, even if the aide lives in, they could not actually be on-duty 24hrs as this would not be ethical or legal. They are human - require sleep & downtime.

In the case I mentioned, both aides did their shift but slept & had their downtime elsewhere. (They may have even shared a flat).

It wasn't perfect, but, it was preferable to a NH. The family took Madam's wishes into consideration but accepted these must fit within the legal/ethical/practical boundaries of society we live in too.

I think in many families there is a reluctance to having non-family help. I believe it often stems from fear & pride. The desire is for maximum control (to reduce fear). Also pride, that family are a 'good' family. But eventually aides are needed, get introduced, become trusted & then highly valued & cherished. Seen it time & time again.

I have also seen lack of insight, especially with individuals unable to recognise their own needs (anosognosia). This can be due to many factors.
I have seen denial too.

JanIneed, I am sorry you have not found much advice helpful to your situation. Yes some folk do hold strong opinions. Text is just black & white letters - it can be interpreted incorrectly, cultural, language, other factors misunderstood.

I wish you the best for finding solutions to your situation.

Caring for a loved one requires compromise. Having help at home means you don't have to be there so look for the cause and alternative solutions to give you peace of mind:
1. Why is Mom getting up? Is she hungry? Wet? Confused? Purchase the most absorbent overnight diapers on the market to last her all night. parentgiving.com
2. Try installing bed rails, not a bed alarm. Alarms are startling for the patient and that can cause them to panic and fall. I added bed rails to Dad's regular bed and it did prevent him from roaming and falling. Check out Amazon or a local medical supply company.
3. The healthcare aide doesn't necessarily have an attitude, perhaps she's being realistic. She also needs rest in order to best serve your mother.

This is a stressful time for both you and your mom. Reset your expectations and look for alternate solutions. Try a few things. Ask the aide what she might suggest.

This OP just posted the following:

Too much stress here. Instead of helping some of you are going off the beaten track. I'm not going to post on here anymore and I see from others I'm not the first to feel this way. Some of you are really hard core and obviously you not reading my post correctly. Thank for the advice, no thanks for the trying to play lawyer And instill fear when you dont know all the facts stick to the subject at hand. Ciao

You need an aide just for nighttime. That aide does get up when the alarm goes off.

IRS consider aides emloyees not self-employed. You need to be taking out taxes and sending the deductions to the right agency. She should be paid anything over 40 hrs. She needs time off. I so hope you are doing everything correctly because if Mom every needs Medicaid they will question large amts coming out of Moms bank acct. You need to prove that it was used to pay a caregiver.

You cannot work someone 24/7, its slavery. If paying under the table, your aide is defrauding the government by not paying taxes. Check with your Labor dept on the laws concerning aides.

There really is no such thing as a “24 hour aid” for the reasons previously stated.

Mom’s choice making options stopped when she started falling out of bed.

EVERYONE is the child of “the world’s most difficult mother”, but believe it or not, once you’ve reached the point that you convince yourself that YOUR only concerns really are her safety and your sanity, your life becomes simpler.

If your mom needs aideS, she needs aideS. If she cannot accept her need for extra coverage, you must give up your FEAR of what she will to do you if you create a safer environment for her to live in, and decide her safety needs BY YOURSELF.

Is this aid paid legally? Is she paid overtime for excess of 40 hours? Are taxes, etc withheld? Does she have a care agreement? Have you talked to your Department of Labor to see if this 24 hour arrangement is in compliance with state labor laws?

Before you make a ruckus with caregiver you had better check those things out as she could go to the DOL and file a complaint for unfair labor practices. Then you will have a whole new legal mess on your hands.

Mom only wants one caregiver? Does mom want a law suit on her hands? If only this was a perfect world. Time for mom to visit with an elder law attorney to find out what can be done legally!

There is no way 1 aide can provide quality care 24 hours a day. Even a 12 hour shift is too much. Maybe three 8 hour shifts - so 3 different providers, 3 different set of eyes. And therefore the 8 hour night shift would be awake and not 'needing' sleep.

I guess that needed to be communicated to the aide you hire right at the time of hire. Even though it's assumed.
Can you have a come to Allah meeting with the Aide?
If it can't be worked out, you'll have to look for one that will help your mom at night.

Oh man, OP. That's exactly what she's there for, to help mom in these situations.

One aide there 24/7 is also a bad idea for landlord reasons. If you're choosing to live somewhere else 24/7, it means you don't have a place to live.

I would nip this in the bud right now. Hire a second person who will be there nights only to attend. It's up to Aide to use her earnings to find a place to live versus Aide thinking this is her home in any way. It is her place of employment.

Barb has a good point. And another good point is that by the time a bed alarm goes off, your mom will already be on the floor.

You can get a cover for mom's bed that is composed of bolster pillows that will prevent her from falling out of bed. Go to Amazon and search for one. This aid will have to put her into a Depends before going to sleep, then wake her up at 2 am to change her or take her to the toilet, then they can both get back to sleep. If the aid is unwilling to keep mom dry during the night, then you'll need to find another aid. But anyone working overnight will expect to sleep. A good reason to hire 2 different caregivers working two different shifts.

Good luck!

Do you think that a human being doesn't need 7 to 8 hours unbroken sleep a night?