*LIGHT VENT* Does anyone else feel like their loved one with dementia waits until you sit down again to ask for another thing?

You're allowed a light vent or a heavy vent here, anytime you like. Many of us are in the same predicament you are, and there isn't always a Pat Answer that covers these dilemmas, is there? Nope, there's not.

Once you place your loved one in Memory Care AL, there is STILL the phone calls and visits where each one is a repeat of Groundhog Day! It doesn't end just b/c you've placed him; the same stories and behaviors are repeated THEN as they are NOW. My mother is 95 next month and in Memory Care for 2.5 years now with advanced dementia. Every day she calls to say she isn't 'going home tonight' for one reason or another, but to tell the 'family (who are all deceased) where I'm at' and to 'take care of the baby' (still haven't determined WHO that is) and on and on. If 'mama or papa' (dead since 1940 and 1984 respectively) ask for her, 'tell them where I am'. We have a repeat discussion of why nobody calls her, and why the family has 'abandoned' her so I come up with a variety of different stories about what they're doing and why they're 'too busy' to call her (we don't discuss that they're all in heaven). So I try to laugh sometimes because I know for a fact I've already cried too much already.

Visits aren't any easier because the incessant chatter about nonsense is difficult to follow and/or to have ready responses for. She tries to get up from her wheelchair repeatedly which has me flying up to stop her; she's already fallen 49x so I'm trying to prevent another. Sometimes she's highly argumentative and even manipulative, so it's all very exhausting and endless, really.

Laugh and groan all you need to, and vent away! Dementia is a horrible thing to be afflicted with and it affects EVERYONE in a negative fashion. None of us get off Scott free when dementia is involved; the whole family suffers the ravages of it.

Sending you a hug and a prayer that you're able to laugh off more of the behaviors than you cry about.

Nothing but commiseration. My mother-in-law does this, and she's not the one with dementia. She also treats waitstaff badly—she "runs" them, one tiny request at a time. Like you, I spent some time in the industry, and it drives me up the wall. I routinely slip restaurant servers an extra tip when we go out with her.

In her house, she does exactly what you describe. And she's the youngest and least needy of our mothers, and not the reason I created an account on this site. It'll be rough when it's her turn.

LOL GOD. He actually didn't ever run people in restaurants and bars---he was pretty jovial and tipped really well. He doesn't even run the aides. I swear he only does it to me, and now my mom that she has started to participate in his care.
I really try to retain lightness in my voice, because I have resting-b*tch-face by nature, and I know my irritation is incredibly visible, so I have to even it out monotone. It's like Ben Stein level sometimes. It just gets to me that it's when I've already sat down. I've even pointed out that he does this, and he just turns it on me somehow lmao. I feel bad for him of course, but he is sooooooo annoying when he's in a semi-lucid state; he's sweet when he has full lucid moments, and he's an absolute demon when sundowning without medication. It's really cartoonish.

Laugh and vent... your survival skills.
There is no fix, so just know the struggle is real and you are not alone.

My hubby waits until I get him settled in bed, and I sit down to relax. Then he decides he needs his Depend changed, even though 5 minutes earlier he said he was fine!!!!

It seems that getting older is like going back to childhood. Newborns are bald, have no teeth, can't walk, are incontinent, can't communicate and require total care. Old people do the same. The reverse trip continues until they go back to where they came from, from nothing.

So good to know I am not alone! Happy New year everyone! 😀

Attention seeking behaviour. Trying to ensure HE is central to your world.

Probably not a conscious thing - just deep in his brain somewhere he knows he needs another person to survive & so he must ensure he keeps a tight reign on his carer.

I had just sat down once, as you say, after running around doing everything for everybody. Just lifted my fork to my mouth (everyone else started eating long before) & I felt the stare & then the "I need..."

In that case it was behavioural due to mental illness & I no longer have a care role for the person.

Yeah, 99 year old mom does this to my wife, especially. She's the fifth elder we've cared for over the years, on both sides of the family. I think mom just gets nervous if she isn't occupied through us at all times. We hire a person to just spend time with her, talking all the time, two days a week. But it can get pretty annoying the rest of the time. She's been in and out of hospice for the past three years, and will eventually die here, so we try to keep our humor alive. Venting here helps me sometimes. Hope it helps you.

My husband to a T. I will sit down and within minutes hear, "I'll let you [get me a soda] [cover me with a blanket] [ bring me my phone] [fix me a bowl of ice cream] and so on. Never a "please," just a "I'll let you" as if I have been waiting and longing to do this. He's always been controlling, everything in his time his way, and it is only getting worse. Not much can be done about a broken brain.