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My mom is 65 and her health has been slowly declining since my dad’s unexpected passing in 2016. She has a life insurance policy through her former employer which steadily declines in amount every five years of her life. The total amount to be paid would be about $32K, now that she’s 65 it’s down to $16K. It plateaus at $8K when she hits 70. That would cover her funeral and burial expenses because she will be buried with my dad at a local veterans cemetery and that is free to us since dad was a Vietnam Era Navy veteran. But what concerns me is what happens after she dies. We live with her in my family home which still has about a $70K mortgage attached to it. The house is also in pretty serious disrepair but my husband and I will be left with it to live in temporarily because neither of my sisters want it, they already have their own homes. Mom is also likely to have lingering medical debts because she continues to have additional medical problems crop up due to her renal disease. I am going to be the POA and Executor of her estate because we live with her, I am her primary caregiver and again neither of my sisters want the responsibility. My question is how do I go about getting additional insurance on my mom without appearing selfish or ghoulish like I’m waiting for mom to die which of course I’m not, but I don’t want to be left with a large amount of mom’s bills on top of our own that my husband and I can’t pay and I know I won’t get any monetary help from my sisters. I don’t want to lose the family home and I want my credit & finances protected but mom was never good with handling or managing insurance, money or bills (Dad did it all) so she has no idea what really is a good life Insurance plan that covers all expenses and debts. Oh and I forgot if she makes it to 85, her old employer’s life plan cuts off completely. It’ll be up to her to find a new one at that age. So I’m concerned on how to do this. I don’t have an extra $ to talk to a lawyer either. My brother in law is one but I feel like he is too close to this situation to be neutrally objective. Any suggestions on how to do this without upsetting anyone in the family???

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Just a thought. Since Dad was a Vietnam vet, Mom may qualify for Aid and Attendance. Call your County VA Dept. The money she receives will help pay for her care. Maybe able to hire some help.

Be aware that depending on what type of VA cemetary Dad is buried in not everything is free. Maybe Moms lot, maybe the plaque. But opening the grave u may need to pay for. My inlaws are in a National Commentary and we paid nothing. The County ones have some charges.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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actually if you live in the house for 2 years as her caregiver, you probably won’t have to sell the house when she dies. She can still will the house to you or all of her children if she hasn’t been declared incompetent.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Can u afford to pay the mortgage? I would find out if Mom could turn the house over to you. Or, buy the house from her for what is owed. If Mom continues to own the house and Medicaid comes into the picture, they can put a lean on the house when Mom passes. There are ways u can remain there being caregivers but if house is sold, Medicare recoups their money for Moms care.

You need to get POA now before Mom gets incompetent to make her own decisions. If not done, then its guardianship and that is expensive.

Has Mom written a Will yet. Cannot be Executor if not a Will. Probate would have to assign u as an Administrator and the state determines who inherits.

Your husband was not responsible for his Dads bills. If the estate could not cover the bills, then the debtors don't get paid. The mortgage was not DHs responsibility. House gets sold or u stop making payments and the Mortgage company forecloses.

This happens in your circumstances. Mom should be able to get Medicare soon
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Kthomas: So I understand more now I think about your circumstance. The thing is that you still will never get insurance on your Mom at her age, and if you do get it checked very carefully. Also, the home--it depends on how Mom's will reads. If there is no will it will be sold by you as executor of her estate, and her bills paid, and then the proceeds passed out as the will suggests. But if the home is in her name only, then the sale of it will go to pay the remainder of her debts. Were Mom in good shape and able she could have willed the home to you in return for her care in her lifetime, or for any other reason, but as I understand it that is not the case. You already have power of attorney and the executor of the will when Mom passes. As POA you can see to it that she comes in to as little more debt as she can, but the home mortgage will have to be paid when she passes, and you are correct that there will likely be no funds to do that. You say that it is the family home, but if it is not willed to you it is not yours to lose, and even if it is willed to you, if it is in Mom's name the Mortgage has to be payed. So I would just check with a lawyer and honestly see where you stand. As to changing a will, Mom can still do that if she understands what she is doing. Forgetfulness isn't so much the question as a lawyer working with her on a will be certain that she is saying things as she wishes them to be done. So it is kind of subjectively the lawyer's decision to make.
Couldn't be more complicated, huh. sounds like your plate is full. wishing you luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Kthomas, I hope you guys learned from the experience with your FIL not to pay bills that don't belong to you. Companies can push but their debtor is deceased, so now they have to go through the system. Hopefully all of them will be paid, but if not that is not your problem.

Someone mentioned that you could buy a life insurance policy on mom and you are the beneficiary, be careful, this makes it income to you and not inheritance, so fully taxable income. Depending on your husband's income this could put you in a higher tax bracket and paying off the mortgage isn't tax deductible only the interest is.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Your finances shouldn’t be affected by Mom’s bills, medical or otherwise, unless you personally co-signed or signed as the responsible party. Her estate is responsible for all of her debts. If the home is in her name, it will be sold, and the proceeds will go toward paying any outstanding debts. If her estate doesn’t have enough money to pay all of her bills, those creditors are out of luck and cannot demand payment from extended family members. The probate attorney will oversee all of those transactions. The only way you’d be able to stay in the home after she passes is if her other assets were sufficient to cover all debts and you buy out your siblings’ share of the home, presumably with a new mortgage in your name. As for life insurance, there is nothing morally wrong with buying coverage for her and naming yourself as the beneficiary, although it might be cost prohibitive.
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Reply to FarmJelly
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Why would you let the house fall into such disrepair? You and your husband live there and you guys should be doing the maintenance. That is part of home ownership. If you expect to get all the insurance and the house when she passes you are in for a rude awakening, your siblings don't want the house, but I can guarantee that they will want their fair share of any inheritance that is left after mom passes.

I would start figuring out what you are going to do when your mom dies, because you will be mourning and the last thing you want is no plan.

Who pays the mortgage now? Mom.

You will not be POA. That ends at death. She chooses an executor for her will and if no will the courts will appoint an executor, there is no guarantee that will be you. Usually it is a willing able family member.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Might be time to plan for your own future, if you cannot afford an attorney, even if you could get term insurance for her, you won't be able to afford it. She is still young, she could live for a long time, don't expect her to fund your future.
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Reply to DollyMe
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anonymous827465 Jul 9, 2019
I’m not expecting her to fund my future as you so rudely stated. I am trying to plan for my future and cover it so her expenses are covered and mine aren’t affected. I’m fully aware that as her POA and Executor who lives with her and has access to all this information with two siblings who don’t care or help that I will be left dealing with the economic aftermath when she passes away. This happened to my husband when his father died in 2005 & it took us 2 years to get it straight but still hurt our finances in the process. Because it was another scenario where he took care of his father’s final expenses and debts and was left holding a mortgage we couldn’t pay and a load of debt his dad had run up in the last two years of his life. And he did that despite having three older siblings who could have helped, but didn’t. I’m trying to avoid a repeat of that situation. If you aren’t going to offer an constructive advice then kindly refrain from responding. If I wanted criticism I can get plenty of that from people I personally know. Thanks.
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You would never be able to get insurance on your mother at her age and in her circumstances; and even were you able to it would be cost prohibitive. Are you working? You say "We live with her". Is the other person your spouse or partner. Because when Mom dies I am afraid that, while you are responsible for her debts only to the degree her "estate" has money to pay them, you will be without a home. When it is sold it will go to pay her debts. If it is in very poor repair it may bring no profit at all. The sad truth is here that someone needs to save up for an hour of time with an attorney, elder care or familiar with end of life and estate plans, because you are in a pickle and need solid financial advice. Something I cannot give you. Sorry for all the worry, but I think Insurance is not an option and any plan offered you for someone this age needs to be very carefully checked out, as I am suspicious of it at the get-go. There needs now to be a plan to work and to save for yourself, as this isn't heading anywhere good.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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anonymous827465 Jul 9, 2019
No I’m not working. I have two teenagers and a husband who works FT and we live in the family home with my mom to care for her since she can’t live alone. She is a fall risk due to severe osteoarthritis, has to use a walker at home and can’t climb stairs anymore so she uses the downstairs and we take the upstairs and we share the kitchen and laundry room. I tend to all her needs, errands & including her medical care which in a month or so will include nightly home dialysis. Dad died without an insurance or a will. He was pretty young only 64. Sadly they weren’t good at long term planning and honestly at this moment I’m worried that anything I get mom to sign off on would be construed as mentally incompetent because her memory has been affected by the kidney disease so I’m not sure what to do and as I said my sisters really don’t care. They have their own lives and only visit us when it suits them or it’s a holiday.
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