I have a draft of a letter that I want to send my two brothers who live for free in a house that Mom bought for the oldest. Please give me your opinions. We are already estranged so I am not worried about ruining any relationships. XXXXX and XXXX, I wanted to bring you up to speed on Mom and her health and fiancés. Mom has been experiencing a rapid physical and mental decline over the past several months. For quite a while, she has been able to "showtime" (google showtime&dementia) and she appears more together than she actually is. In reality, she often forgets how to pick up an eating utensil or how to move her feet when walking. I understand that transportation is an issue for each of you but a phone call costs nothing but time. Take the opportunity to enjoy your relationship with her while you still can. But, please be kind and try not to cause her worry. Please do not call her and regale her with a list of woes. Your trials and tribulations cause her unnecessary worry and that anxiety has a detrimental effect on her mental acuity. Speaking of woes...Mom is going to need higher level of caregiving and more hours than before. Up until now, I have been able to handle all of her expenses without digging into her savings. From here on out, I will have to move money from savings and investments to cover the increased costs. Dad provided well for Mom but he did so for the sole purpose of making sure that she had enough money to cover her needs. Even if she runs out of money, I will always make sure that Mom has a roof over her head but when she runs out of money for care and medical expenses, she will have to go on Medicaid. Medicad will require that she show that she did not give all of her money away to protect it. This not only includes gifts but also paying someone's bills. The look back period for Medicaid is 5 years. If Medicaid determines that money was given away, it must be paid back and spent on her care before Medicaid will pay for any medical services. In light of this, I need you to start coming up with a plan to pay your bills. In 2016, Mom paid utilities for the Baltimore house to the tune of $6847.99 which averages to $570.66 per month. This figure does NOT include gifts from her to you, car insurance (when she was paying it) vet bills or groceries. On May 1, 2017, I will take Mom's name off of the water and electric bills and thereby close the accounts. You need to have the bills put in your name prior to that time in order to avoid a disruption of service. You will probably need a checking account to open an account with the utility companies so please do not procrastinate in getting this done.
If you think your brothers are like that, I would put the paragraph about Mom will need a higher level of care at the start of the letter, along with the information about changing utilities.