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I have a draft of a letter that I want to send my two brothers who live for free in a house that Mom bought for the oldest. Please give me your opinions. We are already estranged so I am not worried about ruining any relationships. XXXXX and XXXX, I wanted to bring you up to speed on Mom and her health and fiancés. Mom has been experiencing a rapid physical and mental decline over the past several months. For quite a while, she has been able to "showtime" (google showtime&dementia) and she appears more together than she actually is. In reality, she often forgets how to pick up an eating utensil or how to move her feet when walking. I understand that transportation is an issue for each of you but a phone call costs nothing but time. Take the opportunity to enjoy your relationship with her while you still can. But, please be kind and try not to cause her worry. Please do not call her and regale her with a list of woes. Your trials and tribulations cause her unnecessary worry and that anxiety has a detrimental effect on her mental acuity. Speaking of woes...Mom is going to need higher level of caregiving and more hours than before. Up until now, I have been able to handle all of her expenses without digging into her savings. From here on out, I will have to move money from savings and investments to cover the increased costs. Dad provided well for Mom but he did so for the sole purpose of making sure that she had enough money to cover her needs. Even if she runs out of money, I will always make sure that Mom has a roof over her head but when she runs out of money for care and medical expenses, she will have to go on Medicaid. Medicad will require that she show that she did not give all of her money away to protect it. This not only includes gifts but also paying someone's bills. The look back period for Medicaid is 5 years. If Medicaid determines that money was given away, it must be paid back and spent on her care before Medicaid will pay for any medical services. In light of this, I need you to start coming up with a plan to pay your bills. In 2016, Mom paid utilities for the Baltimore house to the tune of $6847.99 which averages to $570.66 per month. This figure does NOT include gifts from her to you, car insurance (when she was paying it) vet bills or groceries. On May 1, 2017, I will take Mom's name off of the water and electric bills and thereby close the accounts. You need to have the bills put in your name prior to that time in order to avoid a disruption of service. You will probably need a checking account to open an account with the utility companies so please do not procrastinate in getting this done.

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Surprise is correct about the lawyer. We realized that because of her age (growing up in a male dominated environment) Mom was more influenced by men and would do whatever a man told her to do, especially if it was a professional male.   That is why she signed her jointly owned home over to my stepfather's trust! Without our knowledge, he took her to a lawyer, and she signed everything they wanted her to - she was so happy by his re- assurance she could live in the house as long as she wanted to that she never realized the implications of the loss of  her equity of more than $100,000.   (They did not mention if she got sick and was in rehab or NH for more than 3 months, she forfeit everything and the house automatically went to his worthless children.  So she would be without a home, and no money to pay for NH!) Anyway, it doesn't sound like your mother can stop you from signing the house to your brother. If he refuses to accept it, there is always the threat that you have the authority to sell it to a third party who will evict him. Since it is worth so little, no worries about Medicaid issues - the value amounts to about 1 1/2 months of NH charges. If it were worth $200,000, that would be another matter.
Just a thought, but I bet once your brother owns the house, he will sell it quickly to get the money to live on in some crummy apt, and when that is gone, you will hear from him, begging for help!
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I think brother knows the "system" well !
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Just because you try to transfer a property to someone does not mean it is complete and legal. If your brother refuses to sign to accept the property...then everything still remains the same

. Someone could sign over a falling down shack to me...doesn't mean I am responsible for it if it don't sign those papers to accept the transfer.

Infac, brother would probably figure out real fast it mean he has to pay everything himself.....then knowing that..refuse.  

You could find another who would accept the property in that case...then they would evict him.
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Have you talked to your attorney yet? If you are set on having your mother agree, you could tell mom that the attorney strongly advises you to give the house to the brother considering everything that is going on with brother's life. Because most old ladies are easily swayed by the opinion of experts, she might be convinced. I learned a long time ago that old ladies also don't like to lose face in front of professional strangers, and having the attorney come with papers for her to sign would be an excellent way to get this accomplished with a minimum of fuss.

If that won't do, I'd call the local welfare/ssi/whatever office to make a report of suspected benefit fraud. There are a lot of us taxpayers out here who don't appreciate people using our taxes who don't have a darn good reason except laziness. Whatever money he is reporting as rent is obviously going for something else.
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Mom (or actually me as POA) pays the property taxes on the house.

I doubt he is getting rent assistance because there is no lease and I would think he would have to show that. Also, I believe that HUD pays the landlord directly.

But, I do think you are on to something about not depositing the check because he has to keep his bank balance below a certain amount. I was just thinking he was too lazy to go to the bank and didn't need the money due to subsidies.
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M2M, he's getting benefits. The bills being paid directly won't show up in his bank account - the check for $200 taking a while to be cashed probably means that he was playing the bank statement below a certain amount game. The only question is "who has paid the real estate taxes"? Who knows, he may be getting HUD subsidy and telling them that he is paying rent. Your mother's dementia is no longer allowing her to hide the knowledge that she has about the brother and his sideways troubles. My husband's mother got my husband to pay for car repair and told him that she would pay his hotel room when he traveled to help after father's surgery. Turns out years later that his GRANDmother paid for it just like she paid for everything else...I told hubs at that point he was never to use our credit card for anything to do with in-laws. If their mouths are moving, I promise that there is a lie coming out. And he argued with me, believing patently false statements - At least until the last 2 months, where MIL's dementia is making her unable to keep track of the lies and even hubs can't defend the BS....sorry about your situation.
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So, not that it matters to me what Mom thinks because I am going to act in her best interest despite her need to self destruct. But, I decided to bounce this off her just to see what she says.

I asked her about what her intentions for the house were. She replied that It is Glenn's house and he gts it no matter what. I then asked her if she specified that in her will. She has either forgotten or is sticking to her lie. She said that it is not in her will (BS, I have seen the will and it is in there). So, I tell her about my plan to give it to him now so that he can take care of it himself. She got a bit panicky and said that the reason the house is still in her name is so that it does not count against him if he ever applies for benefits.

Well, I have no idea if it would count against him or not but if, at age 54, he has never applied for benefits before, what makes her think he will apply now?

Hmmm, unleeesss, he is already receiving benefits and owning a house would cause him to lose them.

So, here is where we stand. mom is adamant that he gets the house in the end. She thinks that it is better to keep it in her name so that he can remain eligible for government assistance.

Later that evening, Mom had a major poop incident that required 48 minutes in the bathroom, a whole package of adult wipes, a change of clothes and a floor/toilet clean-up. During this, Mom graciously offered to leave me her lace collection when she dies.

I laughed so hard my belly hurt. Glenn gets the house and I get three pounds of poop and some old lace.

I wish I could blame it all on dementia but the revised will predates the onset of dementia
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Yep... Sounds like a valid theory. Stepped up basis of $15k on a house won't break his bank if he sells for a profit. That would be great if he did make that profit, and it would be fair for him to pay that tax since he's been freeloading with the utilities. Let him worry about that. I think that disentangling yourself from this is setting a healthy boundary. Maybe you give him the house for the first of the month when he's trying to figure out how to manipulate the situation to keep you from turning off the utilities. Wouldn't that be great for him to be so happy he was finally getting his house, and then he realizes you really meant he had to deal with the utilities from now on. A real bucket of cold water on that happy moment.

I have a relative that I imagine in your brother's place. She's saying her inheritance is a pittance that is dwindling rapidly - she's the only person I know who would say that about a 2M trust fund. A real piece of work.

And with mthr being a hoarder, I sympathize with you. It's all about control.
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Theory:

My brother has never worked. OK, almost never. He did hold a job for less than a year in his 20's and he does get some money from playing in a band once in a while.

So, he claims disability and gets turned down in his 20's but they sent an investigator to spy on him and he was rejected because he was dancing and prancing around on stage.

He claims to be disabled by fibromyalgia. My argument has been that he should try for some sort of disability - it would have to be SSDI at this point. But it is easier for him to let my mother carry him than to actually apply for benefits.

But, he cried like a baby when I first cut off his grocery delivery... then silence. He cried that he needed money for house repairs...then nothing. Mom sent him a $200 check for Christmas and it took him weeks to cash it.

My husband's theory - and I am starting to buy into it - is that he DOES have some sort of income. Some sort of disability or government assistance.

When I didn't hear from him after sending the letter, I emailed him. His response was not the outcry I expected. Just a whimpering whine that "that was not a lot of notice for him to figure things out"

So my theory is that he does have some sort of funds coming in but would rather spend it on frivolous stuff than his bills. After all, Mom can pay his bills.
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Since he is getting the house in the end anyway (itemized in the will that he gets the house before the rest of the estate is split), it would be no skin off my (or other two brother's) nose to gift it to him. The only issue would be that he could use full ownership as a reason to kick the other brother out but that is all between them. I don't care what happens.

He has wasted the house. And what I mean by that is that he makes no repairs, does no upkeep and makes the place even worse through hoarding. His roof developed a leak several years ago and instead of doing anything about it, he waited until his ceiling caved in. Mom gave him money for the roof and ceiling repair. He didn't keep any paperwork so when the roof failed again, there was no warranty to fall back on.

I have a ton more examples. Anyway. With my limited Real Estate knowledge (hobby), I factored a house value of $15K a few years ago (comps and condition). Well, since then, his two neighbors have been flipped and I think they sold for about $250K

Anyway, none of this is relevant if he never sells but you are right that he would be better off inheriting the stepped up basis than he would getting it now but who cares. His problems, not mine.
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Mom2Mom, now that we have a better idea of the financial situation, I like the idea of gifting the house to brother now. Let him fail on his own.

Do check your POA and attorney about the ability to gift in the document first. If you are not allowed to gift (there has to be specific language), then you will need mom to make her mark on the transfer paperwork and have two unrelated witnesses sign too.

I think turning over the $30k depreciated asset to brother to get him out of your hair is a fantastic idea. Heh, heh. "We're doing this to avoid probate." Hahahaha. The joke will be on him when he tries to borrow on the property and is left with a tax lien and debt for more than it's worth. I like it!
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M2M, so the short answer is that transfer of the house will mean that your brother is responsible for all the bills going forward on the house and the money your mother keeps sneaking to him is shut off-utilities, property taxes, repairs-thousands of dollars a year anyway. Hmm, and you would end up paying the money anyway to the nursing home once the other assets are exhausted due to rental properties plus the addition to your home for her MIL apartment... Honestly, I'd just transfer the house and get it out of MY hair. If you wait until death, he gets benefit of stepped up value due to inheritance if he does sell it for capital gains. You do now if lawyer agrees - one less thing in the will to probate and deal with your brothers about, one less argument about Medicaid transfer "value", and let's be honest, you know that she will probably not outlive any current transfer penalty, much less the additional houses....I do feel for you - my brother tried to get my sister and I to pay the real estate taxes on his rental house after mom died because "his expenses were just too much" - gee, I'm not the one with rental property and mom left us all the same amount. He finally sold it...
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responding to another comment from earlier. If my mother were to need Medicaid and we were in a situation where the 5 year lookback was an issue, there is no way my brother could ever pay back to $40,00-60,000 Mom has given him in the past five years by way of utilities, groceries, vet bills etc. We all know that it is all on me. So, basically, for every dime she gives him, it is essentially coming out of my pocket (should she ever need Medicaid). Of course, she would never see it that way.
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And, yes, I agree that my mother has done my brothers no favors. They range in age between 48-52 and do not know how to support themselves. Even with the prospect of their one day inheritance, they have never learned to manage money. I don't know if the oldest even has a bank account.

I strongly believe that it is my job as a mother to prepare my kids for the world. I have failed if they do not know how to manage in life. My mother has failed her sons.
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Thank you all for your thoughts. I have been away from the computer for a couple of days so let me try to catch up.

I do have DPOA for Mom and no, she no longer has access to ay checkbooks or credit cards. The last credit card was taken away after she gave the number to my brother so that he could pay his cat's vet bill.

Mom paid cash for the house ($30,000) in 2003 and it was purchased for the sole purpose of housing my brother. She has never lived there and I would be surprised if she has even visited it.

Mom has two other investment properties that do collect rent.

Between those rents and her Soc Sec and her and Dad's surviving spouse retirement, she will not qualify for Medicaid (unless we do a Millers Trust). It will take years for her to spend down at our current situation of her living with me and bringing in help. But, if she goes into a nursing home, that will change quickly.

I did redact the first part of the letter before sending it, leaving only the part about the finances. The lack of phone calls is for another day - or just left like it is.

Mom is very sad that they boys have pretty much abandoned her but she has made them who they are and it is up to her to live with that. The boys will throw themselves on her casket one day and wail about lost time and that it their problem.

With Medicaid most likely not being an issue, I have toyed with filing a quit claim deed giving the house to my brother. That would resolve not only the utilities but also the property taxes and his demands for repairs.
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Thanks for explaining how Medicaid works. Mom's NH was $11,000 a month. I handled her finances and was in the process of researching how to deal with it as it was quickly draining her savings. She passed after five months, having fallen and broken several bones so I didn't have to apply for Medicaid for her.
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My Mom will probably not live long enough to ever be qualified for Medicaid so the issue isn't really one I have dug into. But, it seems this is the way it works...

First, Mom enters a nursing home. She pays for it herself until she runs out of money...then applies for Medicaid. If there has been a transfer of assets in the last 5 years...then she (or the family) must continue to pay the nursing home out of pocket until the amount of money they have paid the nursing home is equal to the amount of money that was transferred. OR, Mom has to be somewhere else until the transfer is more than 5 years in the past. I guess that would be daughters home, since the "prince" doesn't sound like he is going to actually do hands on caregiving at his own expense.   On wrinkle here...I understand that a lot of nursing homes will not take Medicaid at all....but among those that will, it is common for them to require 1-2 years of self pay first.   So, if Mom has to leave the nursing home because her money ran out and she has no choice but to wait out the 5 year look back period....then when she tries to re-enter a nursing home, she isn't likely to get in because the requirement to be self pay for the first initial years.   So..how in the world will the family come up with the kind of money it takes to pay a nursing home... I mean..$250-300 a day!

As for the home...if she isn't living there, Medicaid can force the sale to ensure the proceeds go to the care of Mom.  The maintenance of th "home" in the case of a person in a nursing home is provided for the "community spouse". So that the spouse isn't left homeless...but the home is still "attached" for sale after the home is vacant of the husband/wife pair.   Not the son.   The exception...if the son has lived with the parent providing hands on caregiving for atleast the preceding 2 years continuously.   
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As I understand it, Medicaid withholds payment until the end of a penalty period calculated according to how much wealth has been 'wilfully divested' from the claimant's assets.

Fortunately - I think? - Mom2mom's income disqualifies her from applying for Medicaid so it isn't an issue. Yet.

But in any case it would be for the would-be claimant to retrieve the money/assets from the person he or she had given them to. Not Medicaid's job - or indeed their problem.
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I'm curious how Medicaid works: if a parent has transferred assets and the receiver of the assets (your brother) won't or can't give the money or sell the house - does Medicaid seize the house or money or do you have to try to do it?   If there is no money left except her unrecoverable (or litigated) gifts to your brother, will your mother end up living with you as caregiver in the interim?  Is it better to retain the house in your mother's name since she is allowed to keep one residence? If she deeds it to him it becomes an asset to be counted by Medicaid.   Can he be forced to move out and sell a house he owns - would he do it willingly, given his past behavior?  Does your brother have the money to reimburse her for the last 5 years of "gifting" if Medicaid demands that money must be used to pay for NH before it will pay anything?  Questions for a lawyer........
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We have a relative, we call the "little prince". He has sisters whom his parents treat well but the family world (and expenditures) always revolve around "little prince". No expense is spared for his "sports" . He and his father obsessed by it for the past 8 years. Meanwhile daughters hold 3 jobs to put themselves through college. Entitled sons - I pity the woman they marry! Just saying.................
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If, she puts the house (or any assets...including money) into her son's name within 5 years of needing to go on Medicaid....oh yea...Medicaid is going to come for that asset and money.

Do not think you can just transfer assets and Medicaid won't know or care.
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"Why is it that so many mothers ruin their sons by enabling them and giving them everything yet let their daughters shoulder life's burdens without help?"

Very good question! I think more of the daughters should let the mothers suffer the natural/logical consequences of their behavior.
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If the house is still in her name, but the mortgage is paid, then have her put it in her sons name, period. This way, he's responsible for the monthly bills, taxes etc., not her and her medicaid situation down the road won't be a problem. Don't expect anything else from your brothers...they are deadbeats.
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Yep, as with many others, get a good elder law attorney, do not go after them by yourself, they will ignore you. Don't wait until it is too late!
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Good luck to you on all of this. You definitely need a good lawyer to advise you and be a go-between you and your brothers! It sounds like if your mother lives for some time and needs medicaid your brother will just have to find somewhere else to live anyway. But you need that lawyer!
Why is it that so many mothers ruin their sons by enabling them and giving them everything yet let their daughters shoulder life's burdens without help? I personally know 5 people who have turned out lazy, useless and selfish sons by favoring them in this way (and 3 of those men are related to our family in one way or another.) Its very sad.
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Gursh and Reno make great points. Sit down with a good lawyer.
Please take care of yourself because this kind of stress can make you sick.
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Not to be negative but the beginning of the letter sounds like the buttering them up part before the big wallop at the end. If I were to be on the receiving end of such a letter I might prefer just getting to the point, especially if as you say you have an estranged relationship.

It's like they say when someone says something to you and then says but, believe everything after the word but and forget the rest. From what you've said about them they'll only remember everything from the "speaking of woes" line onward.

You've probably already sent the letter anyhow, I just thought I'd share my opinion for what it's worth.
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What a shame your mother did this. I am sorry to say that she ruined her son by never making him stand on his own two feet. My parents were similar with my brother but not to that extent. I think you are crazy to think they will pay anything they owe with regards to Medicaid. What will happen is you will wind up paying that amount. Hope you can resolve this before she needs Medicaid. I really feel for you. God bless
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I would start the letter out by stating that Mom will need a higher level of care. She will eventually need Medicaid to help pay for this care once her money runs out. Because Medicaid has a five year look back, her money has to go to her care. Because of this you can no longer pay their bills. Then, as u said, you will be closing the accounts as of.... Then talk about your Mother's decline and that their calls upset her. Because of this decline, she is no longer capable of handling her money and you will not longer help them. Like said, send it certified mail. Good luck.
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There is much confusion about what happens ina so called "tax sale". Infact, what is sold is not the house. What is sold is the tax lien. Meaning, the taxing authority sells the right to collect those taxes along with a large interest payment.

If after another period of time (depends in which state) another tax bill has accumulated (typically another 3-5years) another tax lien is auctioned off...with preference given to anyone already holding a tax lien. Typically the holder of 2 such liens can foreclose after an additional 12 months....the property itself is then auctioned off to pay the lien holder. Title is transferred free and clear of all encumberances.....meaning...this is a great way to grab a property with the mortgage stripped! Huge investment consortiums do nothing but dash about the country looking for these deals.......but...it is years of tax lien auctions first that lead up to this.
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