Has anyone gotten a letter of incompetence from the doctor to get POA? And what was the reaction from the loved one?

CM is spot on. Mom was diagnosed with dementia in 2016. In late 2017 her pediatrician signed the medical incapacity form due to personal safety issues, etc. & recommended a care home. Although the "medical incapacity" form gave me authorization to place mom- I was told by Kaiser SW that having mom sign a POA would not be considered valid. So, the next step would be guardianship.

I understand where ur coming from but...She has a husband. They share their incomes. As such, if she goes before him, he will be responsible for her bills. Sadly, it goes the same for her. Not sure if the law looks at their income as his and hers but as theirs. So not sure if you can tell him not to spend "her" money. As a married couple it's theirs. Remember, if she should pass you are not responsible for her debts.

My husband is in the process of receiving letters from his siblings stating that his mom has been incompetent for several years. He has POA but he now needs POHC and guardianship in order to move her to an assisted living/memory care home.
She moved in with us last year in September but, none of the other siblings had the courage to do it. Once we receive the letters from the other family members we are going to let her read them and proceed with the doctors and 911 documents as well.
We are prepared for a negative reaction but, are also praying that once she reads what the others have stated she will allow us to help find her a facility.

To respond to your question, he set-up all of her bills online for him copay for her and she has a bank card for small purchases with a limit.

I was just talking to a doctor about this the other day. I already had a letter to back up my POA, in case ( since there was unhappiness with siblings) and this doctor was talking about a case where the new husband and the lady's son were at odds over her care - the son was having to go to court to get guardianship. That is likely what you would have to do, since there is a husband involved who is not seeing the problem or is part of the problem. Cannot get POA if the person does not understand what they are signing. Guardianship is the next step.

You need to get a elder care lawyer in your state to start the paperwork to give to the court. The judge will weight the facts and see your mom before a order will be granted. The burden of proof is on you since you are asking to be POA of your mom, she is not of sound mind to make any legal decisions for herself. A doctors note or letter is a start.

Reading through some more of these responses it occurred to me that even though her husband likely has the legal right to fight or have a say in whatever you do (I think some of that varies by state) he may not be in a position to fight you legally or follow your around protesting to the creditors and banks you make changes with (you have that authority with the POA) and she might either remain oblivious or simply forget the unpleasantness of a financial dispute. Again I would go as gently as possible on her, the changes I mean not feeling too drastic but go ahead and behave as though he isn't a factor. Don't step on his funds but use her funds or what you can separate as hers to pay her portion of bills and care for her he may not have it in him to fight it especially if it's helping him financially but not taking away all of his financial power (he still has bills to pay and an income to be responsible for). Depending on the relationship there may even end up being a window to offer the same assistance to him "I'm happy to take care of your portion of the bills too Fred if it helps, it wouldn't require any more time for me since I have it all set up for Mom's portion", big depends though I know (didn't sound like he has kids who have much interest but if he does that could be a factor too). Also not knowing anything about the finances or timing if the house say was your family home and he moved in later to her home you might want to check into either keeping or re-separating ownership, names on paperwork, see if you can get full control over that either on your mom's behalf or removing her if you and siblings have any legal rights, set up as much protection as you can behind the scenes if you feel that might be wise and fair based on her husbands behavior. I remember you saying he goes along with everything when people are around but manipulates or changes his tune when it's just the two of them, I'm not sure if this is him being clever or just him being him and I don't know how "with it" he is but stuff to consider. It may all be mute if he has been in the picture for a long time and this is a house they purchased and have lived in together for many years I just don't have enough of a sense about whether this was a more recent golden years marriage/relationship or he has been a step father to you and a member of your immediate family in every sense. A lawyer who specializes in elder care or one close to the family that has known your mom for a long time would be smart too.

You need to talk to an elder care lawyer to start the legal process of becoming your mom's poa. You could petition the court to grant you poa if you can proof that your mom is not capable of handling het financials that would harm her. The judge will look at the documents submitted by you. The judge will see your mom or an officer of the court will see your mom to check if this is true. Each state has different ways of handling this issue. These procedures are in place to stop fraud financial and mental abuse of elders.

I believe your recourse here is to go to court for Guardianship. And since she didn't have a current POA, it's unlikely that a Guardianship clause would be found anywhere in her other estate planning documents. Court is Not a simple process though...especially if the husband objects.

Well she has lost all control by overspending. She is the one who has to sign the POA document.

I obtained one from my husbands doctor but I didn’t tell him. That would have been terrible. He wasn’t incompetent all the time but enough to where I had to run things.

You are going to have seek guardianship. If the loved one is no longer competent, they can't sign a POA. Guardianship is frustrating and costly but it is the only way to get the incompetent person out of their own way.