Has anyone gotten a letter of incompetence from the doctor to get POA? And what was the reaction from the loved one?

No no no -

POA can only, ever, be given by the person for whom it is held; and that person must be mentally competent to do so.

The point about needing certification of a person's incompetence is to do with when a springing DPOA is to come into force; or when it can be used to override the wishes of the person for whom it is held. Your parent creates a DPOA in 2010, say. For eight years it sits in the filing cabinet, not needed. Then your parent goes off his trolley, his doctor agrees, you follow whatever registration or execution process applies in your locale, and the DPOA comes into force. Like that.

So. If your parent has not created a DPOA (or any other kind) and is now incompetent, you have missed the boat. You can apply for guardianship, or you can hobble along making the best of things - guardianship is better but more expensive, and for that you would need evidence of your parent's mental incapacity.

Countrygirl, you have the additional complication of your mother's husband. Does he not agree with your mother's diagnosis or something? What does he want to do from here?

Agree with what CM says.

What would happen if you simply removed her credit cards from her posession?

Just what I was wondering too, Countrymouse! To refer to the man as ‘her husband’ and not dad or stepdad kind of implies he’s a recent ‘husband’ and isn’t exactly held in high esteem. Possibly the husband doesn’t want to be cut off from his money privileges. After all, one of the first signs that my mother not being ‘herself’ was she could no longer even write a check, never mind keep up with the household budget!

So who’s paying the bills (out of mom’s money)? If I’m offensive I apologize but I’ve seen so much skullduggery go on when the time comes to address financial issues concerning mental competence.

Ugly behavior happens regularly!!

Countrygirl I hate to butt in again but you really don't seem to be getting this. You CAN'T force a person to give you power of attorney. No matter how many mental status tests they fail, or might fail if they didn't have help from an accomplice.

It sounds as though the stepfather feels that you are interfering, instead of helping. It would explain why he seems determined to defy you.

If money is the issue, you all three need to sit down and look at it in black and white. This isn't about you wanting to control your mother's spending. It's about their financial reality. Avoid being confrontational about their behaviour, because you need them to focus simply on:

This is what you've got coming in

This is how much you've got going out

What do YOU want to do about that?

If you've got the information to hand, try putting it down on a nice clear sheet of A3 and make a little presentation of it, maybe.

CG asked about consequences from loved one......

My parents just had the 30 question SLUMS exam for guardianship proceedings. It was conducted by a nurse practitioner in their assisted living facility. They both scored very low.

I can only guess how they reacted. I wasn’t there, thank god.....But I haven’t heard a word about it from either as neither has much short term memory. But ya never know when it might pop up!

Country, you can’t force a poa. Your mom would have to agree.

This sounds like a bad combination........Old folks, dementia, jerk hubby, casinos.....

I’m thinking that someway you’d better get control of mom’s money. Easier said than done, but They could easily blow it all. Casinos love this type of crowd and will pick them clean.

I never had to register or execute my DPOAs. I live in NJ. No one, not even the Bank questioned it. The one company that did was Prudental for some shares Mom had totaling 6k. They wanted me to take the POA to a lawyer and on his letterhead say that the POA was still enforceable. Because the cost of this would be mine, I chose not to do it. When she pasted, a Medallon was enough and they had no problem putting the shares in my name.

Regarding docs letters of incompetence....

Care facilities may want a letter from the doc stating granny cannot care for herself. In obvious cases, they don’t usually require it. The doc may want an exam or he/she may just issue the letter based on previous observation.

Guardianship process will require at least one doc to perform competency exam, usually on forms required by the state. This is a sit down with granny, 30 question test.

Sounds like country girls needs to go the guardianship route. Cannot get POA  if person is uncooperative or incompetent.

Windyridge, I do think Mom would forget, but that stepfather wouldn’t let her, if I forced the POA..they frequent the Casinos and he has no watch on her and she swears she didn’t go back 3 times for cash..and if I bring it up, he takes her right back as if to stick it in my face..I harbored no ill will towards this man before Mom got sick, but since then, I’ve seen a nasty narcissistic side to him.

So. There is a springing POA and you have the documentation to spring it, right?

I think you need to consult with the the attorney who wrote this document. It seems to me if you have evidence of your mother's incompetence and don't take control, you are being....er....irresponsible.

Being POA doesn't equate with being popular, or liked. Talk to the lawyer.