Should we just let mom sink? - AgingCare.com

Should we just let mom sink?

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Our mother continues to decline physically and mentally with memory loss. She continues to refuse to move out of her home and does not qualify for attendant care ie Medicaid but doesn't have enough money to hire in for very long nor would she do it. I am in physical therapy for back issues, my sister is waiting for thyroid biopsy. Mom doesn't follow through with any suggestions we give her, today she burned herself with hot coffee after I told her numerous times to use the travel mug I set out for her with lid but she doesn't use it. We know she isn't safe alone, she refuses to leave her home to live with us or anywhere else. We are at our wits end.

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Karbar, that is what I had to do. Mom was covering for Dads ALZ, trying to keep up a big house and property. Then she got sick, and boom,, moved them in with us. She had to go to rehab, and there was NO way Dad could be alone. After a lot of soul searching she realized this. It was hard on her,(not dad so much, he usually thought he was in a hotel) but it needed to be done.
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As with dealing with most elders in this type of situation you are spitting in the wind so you either have to wait for something bad to happen or bring in heavy hitters like Adult protective services. if she is living alone you can ask the price to do a wellness check.
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cdnreader is correct, most of us need to wait until something worse has to happen.

My own Mom refused to move to Independent Living... Dad wanted to get out of the house because he knew it was too much work for him being in his 90's, but he wouldn't leave without my Mom, also in her 90's.

Even a serious fall couldn't convince my Mom to move or even bring in caregivers... we tried caregivers but Mom shooed them out after the 3rd day. Then came another serious fall, that was it, Mom could no longer be back home because of her serious state.... [sigh].
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You can call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a " needs assessment ". It's usually a good thing for a family member to be on hand as often elders will exaggerate their competence.

Sometimes having someone "official" tell them they need more help makes a bigger impression. After all, we're just kids, right?
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Dear karbar,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know its very hard to care for an elderly parent.

Are you able to talk to a social worker? Maybe they can give your mom all her options and this might encourage her to consider another living arrangement.

Its sad to say but sometimes the worse has to happen before people realize they need to make alternate arrangements. I know you are trying to be proactive in her care. But sometimes it takes a hospital visit to make them change their mind. I hope it doesn't come to that, but that is what happened with my grandmother.
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