My in-laws (mother-in-law especially) want to "say goodbye and get their things" from their former home. Other days they "appreciate the vacation home the kids have provided (!) but are ready to move back home". Currently the house is in disarray because we moved them into an independent living duplex (we have lots of family help and a state-funded personal care aide) and furnished it with most of their furniture. We packed EVERYTHING they loved and more than they could ever need (thank goodness for an attic in their new place). Their new place is FULL. They don't remember what the old house looked like and don't remember any items they don't have. They got into financial trouble a couple of years ago, and my husband and I paid off their debt in exchange for the deed on their house (they wanted us to be able to recoup that money), and now we must sell it. They continued to live there for two years until he had to have surgery this past January. He had surgical complications and was in the hospital for six months, which worsened his memory loss. The house needs cleaning, many repairs, and updating. Of course, they don't remember any of this and still think they are fine. They have been in their new home for about a month. They (she in particular) are very insistent with their daughter and her sister about going to the house NOW. We want to accommodate them and allow them a normal grieving process. It will be very hard on them and all of us kids, who are still struggling with his near-death situation and caring for her 24/7 during that time, the shocking and significant state of their dementia, and having to move them from their beloved home. The family dynamic is to do whatever the mother wants. Will they remember that they went, and why they are upset? Will they continuously want to return, and how do we deal with that? Can they go through a normal grieving process? If we take them, when should we do it? One therapist recommended doing it when the house was completely empty. Is it cruel to take them? Or not take them? She didn't want to go through her stuff originally, and she doesn't have the ability to go through the selection process since she can't problem-solve well. They will be very emotionally overwhelmed during and after the visit, but we want to do what is best for them and for us. Any input would be appreciated.