If I want to legally take over my Mom's finances is there a way to do this without saying she is incompetent?

Docs don't want to be in the position of determining competence since that is a legal question. We tried really hard, and it took a team of attys from opposing sides to determine that mthr was competent to execute will and POA. Apparently there are different standards of competence for each instrument!! Hire atty to figure this one out and visit him without mom first. Then go back to sign finished instruments.

Definitely use an attorney. And if you can have her doctor write a note that she is competent to execute the poa. She can have
Some impairment but still be competent to give you the poa.
When we went to sell mom's house with the 3 year old poa the title company wanted either a new poa (which would have thrown mom into a tailspin at that point)or Dr's note saying when she signed it she was competent. Having a local lawyer drawing up the original was a help since she was fine when it was signed and her doc attested to that, but if I had to do it again I would have the Dr's note made when we signed it.

Anyone can become a trustee on the account of someone else, it's just a matter of a mutual agreement with the account owner along with some kind of arrangement. A friend of mine was his moms POA, and he took care of all of her bills out of her money until she went into a nursing home and turned over her check to that nursing home. If the person agrees to having a POA to help them, then yes you can become a POA for that person.

A Durable Power of Attorney would be completed by an Attorney. I would recommend a Certified Elder Lawyer they can help you manage her miney and spend down to be eligible for public programs. Your mom has to agree but this will legally make you the the person responsible for her finances without her being incapacitated. You will also want the attorney to make you medical POA an probably executor of her estate and complete her Will.

My mom was more than happy to give up the hassle of worrying about her budget and bill payments long before she became incompetent.

Since you already have access to her accounts it should be simple to set up automatic bill payments or do them with online banking, if she finds the actual bills confusing you could have them sent to your house or just go paperless.
Restricting her ability to overspend can be more of a problem, but you could make sure her credit cards have a low limit and place the bulk of her funds in less liquid investments. Have you had a frank chat with her about her finances? Some people haven't a clue how to live within their means, and they don't have to be elderly either!

You can ask her to be put as a co-applicant on both bank/mortgage accounts.
OR as OhJude said: being a POA is about you acting on her behalf. Get her to allow you that :)

POA is not about mental incapacity - it is not incompetence at all. A POA allows one person to act for another (or indeed several people to act for another depending on the POA). If for example you booked a holiday in 2014r to go on a cruise this coming Christmas (2015) and you suddenly find that your house sale hasn't gone through and the exchange of contracts is going to occur while you are on the ship then you could designate a POA for a period of time (Ie the duration of the cruise) In your mothers case this would be enduring - i.e. for the rest of her life and all that needs to happen is for her to complete and sign the forms and have them registered with whoever that is in the USA (sorry I am a Brit) IF however she is mentally incapacitated then she may need to be seen by a specialist in Dementia (or similar) because she has to be able to make a decision - not a choice- a decision.

A choice is what colour socks do you want to wear the red or the black

A decision is being able to explain the choice and the reason for it and the outcomes (where applicable) of it So I want to wear the red ones because they contrast nicely with my outfit and are thinner and the shoes I want to wear are on the small side and if wear the black ones my toes will feel squashed.

Once you have POA you need to register it with all institutions and that will be a royal pain in the arse let me tell you - Banks are not terribly helpful

I hope that she has made you POA. It's so hard to prove incompetence (emotionally, financially and legally). It sounds like she's got a mess, including the reverse mortgage. They are not always a bad idea but can be done by "shady" institutions as you mentioned. Good luck with this.
Carol

You can take over your mom's finances if she allows you to and gives you POA. Is Mom willing for this to happen?