How can I legally provide the best care for mom and her male companion? - AgingCare.com

How can I legally provide the best care for mom and her male companion?

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My mother is now 86yrs in the early onset of dementia, diagnosed by her medical physician. Her male companion of three years has been named in her will as her "Mental & Medical" caregiver with rights of death if so should occur. He is 91 yrs and he, too has mental and physical challenges, starting. I have been assigned as her POA when her mental abilities should fail. How can I legally provide the best care for them? They are NOT legally married. I need guidance since I live out of state (2800 miles).

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A will is only applicable when the person dies, so naming caregivers (of any kind) in a will is meaningless.

POA applies will the principal is living, so that seems to be the relevant document now. Do you have both financial and medical POA? It will be really hard to fully discharge these duties from such a distance. Are there any relatives living closer to them who can assist? Perhaps be your eyes and ears between visits? If not, hiring a geriatric care manager may be a very good plan. Can they afford this kind of service?
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I think appointing a Geriatric Care Manager is an excellent idea. Would you be able to visit your mother for a period to talk to her about this and have time to find one you're happy with?

It's very touching that your mother and her gentleman friend have enjoyed one another's companionship like this in their eighties. I hope it will be possible to support their being together for a good while yet.
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Just a guess that your mother did NOT have an attorney draw up her will.
(in her will as her "Mental & Medical" caregiver with rights of death if so should occur.)
The will, in my not an expert opinion, WILL be thrown out.
Sheesh!
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Cwygle, early onset dementia occurs before the age of 65 and is not the same as early stage of dementia. A good place for you to start would be to read and take classes on dementia. A good book is "The 36-Hour Day" and call your Area Agency on Aging they are a wonderful resource.

Because you are so far away I would begin to look for a Geriatric Care Manager. That person would check regularly on mom and her boyfriend, get to know them, then the two of you would work together for mom's best interest. The GCM would get to know mom and friend well and would recognize when additional help is needed or a move necessary.

Mental and Medical caregiver is a term I have never heard of before and wonder if it would holdup in court if it ever came to that. I will leave it there as there are people on this site that may be able to address that.
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