Curious, who planned the funeral? How many years did your Dad and his sig other live together?
One doesn't need to be married to get a sig other's ashes. Sounds like she and your Dad had been together for many years, so naturally she would get the ashes, especially if she had planned the whole funeral.
I don't think there is any legal basis to ownership of ashes. Maybe she could share half the ashes with you if you were part of their lives.
Did your Dad and significant other live in a state that officially recognizes common law marriages? "Only a few states recognize common law marriages, and each has specific stipulations as to what relationships are included: Alabama. Colorado. District of Columbia. Georgia (if created before 1/1/97) Idaho (if created before 1/1/96) Iowa. Kansas. Montana."
I don't think the issue here is the legal basis for their relationship. If she has been his life partner, she was involved in planning the final service, she wants the cremains, then she is entitled to them. You have been his daughter, if you've been involved in his life in his later years, you helped plan the final service, and you want the cremains, then you, too, are entitled to them. The obvious solution is to split them. But that is a decision that would have been best made before the cremation. Were you working together to plan the service?
If the ashes have not been sealed in a metal urn, it would be easy even now to split them (assuming they haven't been scattered). If they have been sealed, the urn could still be opened and the ashes split (although the original urn might not be re-usable, depending on how it was sealed.)
People of good will can work these things out. When good will is absent that complicates things enormously. Any chance of appealing to her better nature, and cooperating? After all, you both have lost someone who was very important to you.
On a side note, my mother died a few weeks ago. One of her possessions was an urn with our father's ashes. When the 7 of her children got together to plan her final service, we discussed if anyone wanted Dad's ashes. No one did. Did anyone want an urn of Mother's ashes? No one did. Here is how we resolved the question:
We brought Dad's urn to the funeral home. The director opened it and mixed Dad's ashes with Mother's. We each selected a very small memorial urn, to be filled with a small amount of the mixed ashes. These will be displayed at the Celebration of Life this weekend, among the flowers, and then we'll each take ours home. One of my brothers will take the remaining ashes to scatter in the area where Mom grew up, probably next spring.
Everyone is satisfied. People of good will can work these things out if they are flexible and cooperative.
One doesn't need to be married to get a sig other's ashes. Sounds like she and your Dad had been together for many years, so naturally she would get the ashes, especially if she had planned the whole funeral.
I don't think there is any legal basis to ownership of ashes. Maybe she could share half the ashes with you if you were part of their lives.
If the ashes have not been sealed in a metal urn, it would be easy even now to split them (assuming they haven't been scattered). If they have been sealed, the urn could still be opened and the ashes split (although the original urn might not be re-usable, depending on how it was sealed.)
People of good will can work these things out. When good will is absent that complicates things enormously. Any chance of appealing to her better nature, and cooperating? After all, you both have lost someone who was very important to you.
We brought Dad's urn to the funeral home. The director opened it and mixed Dad's ashes with Mother's. We each selected a very small memorial urn, to be filled with a small amount of the mixed ashes. These will be displayed at the Celebration of Life this weekend, among the flowers, and then we'll each take ours home. One of my brothers will take the remaining ashes to scatter in the area where Mom grew up, probably next spring.
Everyone is satisfied. People of good will can work these things out if they are flexible and cooperative.