My sister, mother's Power of Attorney, decided that she is going to put our mom in a nursing home. What can we do legally, if 7 out of 13 of my mother’s children would rather take her into our home?

Both my sister and I have along with niece have poa for my mother. She has dementia, visual impairment, poor mobility, diabetes and few other health issues. My sitter does not keep well and has a tendency to drop out of situations depending on her mood and health. I moved my mother next door to me with my mothers wishes and consent all done through a lawyer at end of January. My mother has now been admitted to hospital due to complications of diabetes. I and other family members are keen to bring her home once she is fit but my sister is determined to put her into a care home. My sister had visited her 3 times form end of oct , 2 days before Xmas and day after Mother's Day. Ayer that the visit were approx every 10 days until hospital,admission mid April. My mum has a great cate package 4 times a day , I have breakfast with her every morning, district nurses administer insulin 2 x daily, family friend prepares and has lunch with my mum every day, my son goes in after school, my husband prepares her dinner where she can have in our house or own home and myself and my family see her in th evenings. My brother is delighted with this, as is other close family members. Only this sister and her children neither whom visited my mother unless my sister did(usually just her daughter and grandson ). This is such a stressful time. I understand my mother mental health has deteriorated but nothing that can't be treated at home. My mothers wishes were to stay out a care home at all costs. I also am aware if my mother does deteriorate beyond care that can be given at home we would do what's best for her.

It wouldn't hurt to speak with an attorney. If mom is unable to speak for herself it makes it difficult to know what she would want unless she has spoken about her care as she ages to someone. I would think if family is willing to care for mom, why not allow that? She'd receive better care, by people who love her. I would think home care would be the best if you all are sure you can do it. Your sister can't transfer a POA, the client must sign to appoint a new POA, however you need to read the poa form to see if it names another child as POA. Good luck.

Danjen it seems that many of your mother's children want to take her home and care for her but you and they have to consider if that is really possible. Can whoever cares for her lift her, get her to the bathroom, deal with poop everywhere in the middle of the night, go without sleep and watch her 24/7? If your mother has had dementia for 9 years and cannot speak or write it sounds as if she really does need professional care 24/7.

Perhaps a physician can determine if she does or does not require care 24/7 and his/her findings provide answers to everyone's satisfaction. It's all about what is best for your mother.

Rhona1, if 3 people are listed as co-POAs, then 3 people have to agree to every decision before it can be carried out. (That is why this arrangement is discouraged. It can take forever to get decisions made.)

I think it will take all three of you to agree to change the status quo and place Mother in a care center.

How does your cousin feel about the care center?

It sounds like you have things well-arranged for your mother. But with the new complications that she was hospitalized for, might things be different when she returns home?

Here's my big concern: People beyond the early stages of dementia should not be living alone. It is wonderful that she is right next door to you, but she is still alone for large portions of the day and night. Even without additional health issues, this is just not safe. And your mom does have additional health issues.

Maybe the three of you POAs should discuss what is best for mother. Does her doctor think she is still OK to live alone? If so, what safeguards can the three of you think of to keep her safe where she is? Can you all agree that when (not if) the doctor declares her no longer able to live alone, that you together find a suitable placement for her?

This should not be about who has power to make decisions and how we stop one absentee sister from interfering, etc. but what is really best for Mom, now and in the future? How do we work together toward implementing what is best for her?

I told our children early in my husband's dementia, "If something should happen to me, please understand that your dad cannot live alone. He may put on a good show, and he will swear up and down he is OK and can take care of himself. He can't." Some people with dementia can get along on their own with a LOT of support longer than others can. But eventually they really cannot live alone.

We children saw to it that our mom had lots of support (nurse visits, meals on wheels, house cleaning and laundry help, etc.) and that allowed her to stay in her apartment probably 4 years longer than she could have without help. But eventually the dementia got to the point where she could not live alone. She lived with one daughter for a year, and the dementia and her physical health got worse. She is now in a nursing home, and the dementia continues to get worse, but she is content and being well taken care of.

My sister is my moms poa and my daughter wants to take her in cause my sister put my mom in a home my mom does not want to be there she wants to be with my daughter she cries everytime we visit how can we take her out of the home or how can we change poa

nanayaho, Is your daughter able to care for your mom 24/7? No, she is working and raising her own family. Your intentions are good, you want mom to be happy. Mom is being manipulative; when the tears start, you need to leave. Mom is having a tantrum, same as a little kid you leave with a sitter. Did you give up your night out when the kids carried on? No. So don't expect your daughter to ruin her own health trying to do what three shifts of nurses and aides have to do.

I hate when I read these, get upset and then see its 2011, ridiculous to keep them on here without going thru archives to get them.

Do not call a social worker that is the worest thing you could do. I called instead working with me they went with the other side i just went to court trgi g to get my sister out nursing home who has dementia and i lost because of this soc ial worker the have been giving pshycotic meds 2 months later she is dying

Just FYI, the original post was 6 years ago. About 7 months ago someone else raised a very similar question.