What can I legally do to help my Dad? - AgingCare.com

What can I legally do to help my Dad?

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My dad recently went home after being in hospital and nursing home for 6 months. He loves to be active, walking and exercising daily. Mom will not permit us to build a ramp and dad is unable to make it up and down the 6 steps into their home. So he cannot leave the house. Their house is small and excessively cluttered so he can barely make it to the bathroom with his walker, let alone walk around for exercise. He is bored and wants to exercise because when he doesn't, his pain is unbearable. He says he wants to get out, live in an assisted care facility, nursing home, hospital, anywhere that he is able to get out and walk. He says if he can't then he might as well kill himself. We are trying to fill out paperwork to get him on the waiting list for assisted care facilities, but they need their financial information. Mom refuses to give us the info, or help with or sign the forms. She also refuses to appoint a POA. We cannot get his name on the wait list if she won't sign because they have joint accounts. Is there any legal ways to get around this?

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Apparently no one takes his threats seriously. The day before his release he told the people at the NH that if they sent him home he would kill himself. They called to tell us this and that he would need an evaluation. But the doc came in that afternoon to talk to him and basically asked dad if he may feel better after he gets home. He said he wanted to go home (but his wife has changed since he has been there and she does not want to cooperate in doing anything to make dad's life easier.) So, they sent him home. But almost every dad since he says if he had a gun he'd shoot himself, or he wishes someone would just end him. He feels like such a burden to us and feels unloved by his wife, since she won't respect his wishes and get him a ramp and a fall button. Mom keeps all the finances, and she's a hoarder, so finding what you need won't be easy. Plus, she will have to sign the paperwork. The only legal stuff she would agree to was something that says if she or dad are unable to say yes or no, then I can make medical decisions for them. I don't even know what it is called, as she won't even let me see a copy of it, she put it in a bank lock box, to which I do not have access.
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If dad is competent help him to separately obtain financial information. Could you get dad out of the house for an afternoon to take him to financial institutions? The bank may even have a standard POA form that could be used to assign financial POA. Write letters for him to sign. Wonder what you will find.
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If Dad is competent he can give you POA, mom would have nothing to do with it. From the sounds of it I wouldn't tell her either. Then you have the power to place him in assisted living. Why is mom being that way? You could always call Adult Protective Services for help.
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