What is the legality in using an elder's money for own expenses?

Follow
Share

My mom is 84 years old and leaving with my 47th year old sister whom is not married. My mom is the recipient of 3 monthly pensions, social security and 2 more foreign. My sister is not able to hold a steady job for too long for her own personal reasons therefore, most of the time she receive either unemployment funds or public assistances. It is fare that she is counting on our mom's money (which is not little) to conduct her life and her own personal spending like purchasing a second hand car which she once had and then sold because unable to financially survive and some time not having enough money to buy food. She is constantly complaining that she is paying a high rent and other things like paying for mom's life insurance and other necessary expenses but, as the other daughter, she never disclose any of this other expenses with me. What really upsets me, is that my mom, unaware of what is really going on and defending her, is not saying anything and never has any money in to her wallet even when I take her to her scheduled doctor's visits, she has no money to make her co-payment. It is very hard and difficult to have a normal financial conversation with my sister therefore, I was thinking of doing so with a legal mediator if there is one available. I have personal health issues my self and this is only making it worst, but I feel that she's going out of control putting herself, my mom, and I in a serious dangerus situation. Please help with any substantiated suggestions

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
26

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
They don't want to help but love for their hands to be out when the love one passes its sad tho i seen and been in the same situation and i came out on top even tho my family tried to send me throught the ringer,, they the ones got left with nothing..my parents seen the ones that help and didnt help and the ones that didnt help didnt get a dame thing..and that was pretty much all of them except me..i didnt care for the inheritance cause god blesses the child that has it own
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

COLOMBINA:

Your sister sounds like a social parasite with a twisted sense of entitlement simply b/c your mother lives with her. To compound the problem, there isn't much you can do to keep track of expenses and Mom defends her.

Your sister -- supposedly the primary caregiver -- has a car and doesn't have a job to speak of, so she has plenty of time to drive Mom to and from appointments.

I'd write a letter to Mom explaining how you feel about her not being able to see she's used, as well as the reasons why you might have to step aside every once in a while. ... I'm sure your Mom is an intelligent woman and is aware of your sister's intentions, so try not to overstress yourself. ... Unless you want to address the matter in court. Good luck my friend.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree with you 100%, Mine did the same thing but in the end we know what we did and to hell with everyone else. It was a hard lesson for me to learn that but I have now. Anyone out there in our shoes, don't feel guilty as you are doing the right things and we have NO guilt. They need to answer to the man above when their lives are over and they are so guilty for not helping they try to make everyone else around them miserable. They are the ones who will be the biggest criers when our moms have passed due to their own guilt.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you, Anonymous1. It's nice to know (in a way) that I'm not the only sibling faced with such a predator for a sibling. And then this sister tells my mom I'm stealing from her. Christ.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dunwoody101. Been there done that. Isn't it a shame that those who do nothing want to be in control and the first one in line for the handout of what is left of the money. Then they get mad at us like we are thiefs if we use some of that money. We give up all of freedom and privacy to take care of our loved ones but they don't see that. They only see $$$$$$$. They will be judged at the end of their lives and if you are like me you will have no regrets at the end of your mom's life because you did all you could. We sleep well at night knowing our parents are being taken care of like no one else could do. I'm in the same boat with you but hang in there. You're doing a great job!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I take care of my mother 24/7. My sister does absolutely nothing to help out. Yet she is worried that when our mother passes, she will not get her "fair share." I cannot begin to tell you how resentful I am of this "sister" who will not even help me out for one day with our mother, but worries that she will not get her 'fair share' when Mom passes. I moved into my mother's house to take care of her. I have given up so much, and yet this sister circles like a vulture, just looking to take what she believes she should get. I am filled with so much resentment over what I gave up, and how this sibling can be such a vulture.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

kthin3: That is awesome!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There's an old saying that I've found very appropriate to caregivers: one mom and/or dad can take care of 2,3,4,5, etc., children, but 2,3,4,5 children can't take care of one mom and dad. Sad.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Colimbina54, can you take your mother and care for her? If you can't then you either have to leave her with sis "as is" and/or get a lawyer. If you pick the latter then be prepared for the outcome because it isn't going to be pretty. From personal experiences, getting lawyers involved in any family situation causes a lot of hard feelings. It can't always be helped, the law is the law and must be followed, still nobody likes having a lawyer dictating what a family should be doing but isn't. One of the saddest things in life is to see what illness in elder parents and/or their death can bring out in even in the most loving of families. Whatever you decide, go into it with eyes wide open, be prepared, and get it in writing. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think many of us may be projecting our own feelings about our own experiences into this situation. I know it makes me raise up on my haunches a bit to have someone who is NOT a caregiver questioning the caregiver's choices. Despite there being 15 nieces/nephews and who knows how many adult great nieces and nephews, I am the ONLY one who does ANYTHING for my aunt. I also am POA and control her finances ... which are meager. BUT .. I DO take money for gas once a month, because the driving I do on her behalf is considerable and I have limited resources. I have a full time job but my husband is ill and collects only SS. I think many family members are quick to judge, but not quick to help. This may not be the case in this scenario ... this may be an individual who is truly abusing the resources of an elder in her care ... however, non caregivers questioning caregivers just raises the hairs on my neck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.