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I have DPOA for my father. He has dementia, and currently he is out of the state with my siblings in Utah. He was to return five days ago. My brothers have changed the plane ticket for the return flight to "have dad stay and have christmas with us." And wont send him home until Dad decides it is time to come home.
My dad had three appointments this week, and all were missed, because they won't send my father home for him to see his Doctor, interview for placement for memory care, and talk to his VA social worker.
My brothers don't like me, and have convinced my father to drop me as DPOA, changed his bank account, and doing all of this without noticing me.
It is not like he drove himself to the bank, and did all of this on his own. He doesn't drive anymore because he cant remember how to get home! I was notified of all the changes that were made by my siblings, on Wed. Dec. 1st.

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Reenie, let them have Dad for a while, it will be a very eye-opening experience when they find out they are tied to him 24/7.
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Jeanne, I took my clue from Reenie's statement that her father doesn't drive because he doesn't know how to get home. The inability to find one's way home would suggest to me a level of confusionand/or lack of cognition that would also affect his ability to understand legal issues as well.
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This is very important from my viewpoint. If your brothers got a current POA, and then after the holidays, send back your father, you will be in a very, very tight spot. You will most likely end up covering most of your father's expenses because your brothers will not transfer or send you money to cover it because it is 'unnecessary expenses.' I've read this happen over and over from posters on this site. When the parent has to go to the ER, the POA sibling refuses or stalls about forking out the payment. The same applies for supplies, etc...

The thing with return ticket is - that it can be used any time with any applicable additional cost. What I'm concerned is that brothers keep the POA, put dad on the plane, and then text/call you that he is on the flight now and will be arriving in so-and-so hours.

So, it's very important, that you have the POA. If you don't, I recommend you send to brother a certified, notarized letter informing him that since he has POA, it would be best that father stays with him, in his jurisdiction. I wish that you can verify if your brothers did do the POA, and if it's valid.
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It doesn't sound like your brother's want the job of caring for him permanently -- they didn't cash in the plane ticket, did they?

But if they have taken financial control, then if I were you I would resign from being his primary caregiver, too.

As others have suggested, Inform your brothers not to send him back "when he wants to." Pack up Dad's things and ask whether one of them would prefer to come get them or if they would prefer to pay the shipping costs.

Stay pleasant. Be polite. Be matter-of-fact. You are going to have to interact with these people as long as your father is alive. Don't burn any bridges. Just get on with your own life. Keep in touch with Dad.

If you are seriously afraid that Dad will be harmed by this arrangement, post again. That is a different matter, and we can brainstorm with you about that.
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GardenArtist, you share a misconception a lot of people have. Dementia does not automatically disqualify someone from executing a DPOA. Can the person understand the concept of allowing someone else to make decisions and take action on his behalf? Does he agree to the specific person being assigned?

So unless coercion can be proven or the father has been declared legally incompetent by a court (or could be, retroactively) then he can still change his DPOA.
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Your father has dementia; he is not legally cognizant to execute a new DPOA. It would be invalid.

The problem is getting the proof of this as well as getting an invalid DPOA revoked. The brothers could make changes and then someone would have to rescind those changes.

I would (a) welcome the brothers' decision to take care of your father, and (b) casually remind them that since your father has dementia, he legally cannot execute documents. (c) Therefore, the DPOA naming you as proxy cannot be revoked.
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I agree.. If your brothers want the job then let them have it..
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It sounds like a Gift to me!
No, but really, unless you don't feel that your brother would take excellent care of your Father, let him stay, and enjoy the benefits of having your life back. But it must be an All or Nothing exchange. They will soon find out how difficult it is to take care of your Dad, and I expect that they will be calling you with questions regarding his disabilities an his nesasary care. Make sure that all of the legalities are in place. It may be that your Dad just is enjoying all of the new attention he is receiving, and soon your Brother will realize just how difficult this journey really is. But if he is capable, and up for the challenge, then I say let him go on and stay! Enjoy your Holiday Season!
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I agree with Sunny and Guest but I have to ask, how much of this is about money? Do your brothers think you are not taking proper care of Dad?

Without more info were all just guessing here but I would advise this: Don't let the brothers get POA and control of Dads money and affairs and then send him back to you. Go to the phone right now and tell them he is all theirs and come get his things.
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Assuming that they will treat dad well, I would let them take over his care and business affairs. As his DPOA, I would make sure that the proper paperwork was prepared. I'd hang on to the DPOA documents you have, just in case. I wonder if they realize just how much work the is involved with the care of a dementia patient. They will soon learn.
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Reenie113, if he "dropped you as DPOA" you have no rights in the situation with your father UNLESS it was activated because father had dementia and was not competent to make changes. I read that your father lives with you according to your profile. You were setting up interviews for memory care and visit with VA social worker which tells me that you were making arrangements for him to move out. Your father missed these appointments to stay with brothers in Utah "until he wants to come home".
Silver lining - your brothers want to take it over. LET THEM. Unless you are in desperate need of your father's money for your household, start packing your father's stuff and let your siblings know that the changes will be accompanied by his MOVING to Utah to stay with them. You can't have father return to live with you with the siblings holding DPOA, financial control, etc.
You may be surprised how quickly the siblings find that having Dad stay and have Christmas changes. If Dad's behaviors were needing memory care, someone unaccustomed to the needs of that elder will have a rude awakening. Dad may have told the siblings that you are "railroading him into a nursing home", and brothers that don't like you will eagerly listen. Just don't become the way station that they drop him back at when it's tough to take care of Dad. It's hard to put our egos aside when people are such jerks, but let the brothers have Dad. Don't let them bring him back under their terms not yours. Lots of people on the forum would LOVE to have the siblings take a relative and do something like this that would open the door to the parent living elsewhere. Let the know-it-all's take a turn:)
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