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They bought my parents house for mkt value and didn't discuss this with me...never even knew how much they paid for it! Sister n BIL are using that $ (they put into a joint family acct.) to renovate the house so that they can rent it out and eventually sell the house? Rental $ might (?) go back into my parent expenses....never told about this.
I have DPOA of mom...sister has DPOA for dad. I recently received letter from bank (mother n my acct CD) asking about rolling it over. I wasn't even aware that I had a joint acct with mom. Sister said she needed to access the act to find out about tax issues (?). She then took mom (98..dementia) to bank and had mom sign the $ over into the acct. (acct is in dad, mom, sister and me). I have limited access to cover groceries and misc necessities for parents. Sister pays all parents bills from it. My questions are:
shouldn't sister n her husband use their own $ to fix the house. When I asked her, her reply was "do you want to pay for them'? My sister n BIL have $ and are "fixing up their house at the Cape so that they can bring my parents to live with them. I have just a sm teachers pension and I don't have experience in dealing with elder law. My BIL has experience in handling his parents death and estates and is also a smart in math and "bully-ish"... I have no clue about any of the things legally that need to be done. I also need to have a will and figure out what I need to do for myself. I will be turning 66 on dec 31. I have a house that I and my oldest son own. He is living in and paying for it with his fiancé. I could not afford to live in the house with my pension. I moved into an apt in New Haven so I could be closer to my parents to help them out 24/7...and I can barely afford it. My life has been seriously compromised both physically and mentally. I really haven't been able to afford a lawyer, but I don't know what to do. I need help and direction in trying to survive this chapter of my life. I appreciate any info or help available.

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It sounds like you are guessing about the sale and the renovations. Your parents are being cared for, have a safe home with them. If you were to attempt to pursue Guardianship, the Judge might not award it to someone who cannot support themselves independently. Let it be.
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I'm really confused. You've moved out of the home you own with your son to move into an apt so that you can caregivers your parents 24/7. And you seem to be impoverishing yourself to maintain this apt?

Perhaps you should resign poa for you mom and allow sister to take over? Maintain your healthcare proxy so that you can be involved in medical decisions. If sis and bil are planning on moving them to the cape to care for them, I would cut my financial losses right now...not because they are doing anything illegal. Just because in practicality, when parents become frail, they need to be moved close to a primary source of emergency help.
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It doesn't take a PHD to research many of the things you're asking. You can call the bank and research on line or go to the library and ask for help. I don't know if your sister and BIL are doing the right thing, but I do know that you need to start finding out what's going on for yourself and your future.

You're obviously an intelligent woman - go to the library and ask for help with a basic understanding about estates, etc. And start reading the threads on here. I agree that your sister and her husband may have decided to work around you, since you are "clueless" by your own admission. Change that!

I have a brother who isn't involved, so I handled my dad's estate and am now the POA for mom. I had no prior experience and had to learn what needed to be done. I've seen one attorney in that time for one meeting (about my mom, after my dad died). It's not rocket science. As you said, you also need to get your own will and POAs set up for healthcare and property. I'm 64 and have those set up and have for several years - that was an attorney visit for me. Now is the time to take control of your life and get these things put in place (and understood). You'll feel much better, I guarantee it!
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I didn't realize the parents had moved into the sister and BIL's home. I thought the parents were still in their home, but that the sister had bought it. I am surprised that lijoma's name could be put on the account without her knowledge. (Pardon the mistakes family identities in the previous message.)
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It sounds as though sis and bil felt that it was time your parents no longer lived on their own and offered to bring them into their home. Do your parents need more money for their care?A 98 year old with dementia would need caregivers. I can understand that sis and bil would be reluctant to put money up for renovations without any guarantee of recouping it, as from what I understand medicaid would get first dibs on all parents assets if it is needed in the future. If they paid market value they aren't cheating anyone.The house would have to be sold eventually, and I assume they felt this was keeping things all in the family. You say the money is in a joint family account on which you are included, so it doesn't sound as if they are trying to exclude you. It is unfortunate that all of this seemingly went on without your knowledge, but you admit you "have no clue about any of the things legally that need to be done". They seem to be planning for the future, while you were struggling to to maintain the status quo in helping your parents stay in their home. Perhaps they felt it was just easier to work around you than with you.
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What they did in buying the house sounds perfectly legal. It gave your mother money to live on that perhaps she needed. I'm not sure if using her money to repair a house she doesn't own is such a good idea, or if it would be considered as a gift to them if she needs to apply for Medicaid in the future. I am far from expert in these matters. I have the feeling that they might have seen repairs that needed to be made, but didn't want to pay things themselves without the money coming back to them in the future. That is understandable. I don't know the condition of the house and if these repairs would have been needed to bring the house up to market, or if the repairs are special bonuses designed to increase the value of the house. In the first case it would be like a customer saying they will buy a house if certain repairs are made and would be understandable. In the second case, it seems like it should be paid out of your brother's pocket and not your mother's.

Did you personally have an interest in the house? Were the repairs needed? Is your mother perhaps going to need to apply for Medicaid in the future? What they are doing sounds legal, but depending on the circumstances may not be very wise. I hope someone with more knowledge will have a better answer for you.
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