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My mother is 83 and has multiple health issues including heart problems. Lymphodemia, neuropathy, high blood pressure and dimensia. She is on countless medications including high doses of oxycodone, and morphine. We four siblings know she should not be driving, but she has a drivers license and she does drive.....she is dangerous but will not a admit or acknowlege it. She also forgets more than she remembers and is hemouraging thousands of dollars a week at the local casino. She is combative and won't discuss anything that we know needs to be addressed. Is there a resource we have to take control of the situation. My brother has POA but I'm not sure how much leverage that affords him unless we can prove she is incompetent. How is that accomplished Where do we go?

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I'm into physical world fixes these days.
Pull the distributor cap from her car.
Honestly. Hang in there, love her and love yourself.
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far as i know, all you have to do is make an anonymous call to DMV and report her, they will ask her to come in and take tests, if she doesn't pass, her license is revoked. after that it's up to you kids to disable her vehicle or remove it from the premises.
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My husband was an unsafe driver and refused to stop driving and when he did drive I was always afraid that he would hurt or kill someone if he caused an accident. His physician worked with me. His doctor told him not to drive but that didn't stop him. Finally the doctor contacted DMV here in NYS and a road test was scheduled. My husband failed it and his license was revoked on the spot. It worked well in that nobody was to "blame" for taking his license away except NYS. And I didn't have to figure out how to disable his car without him being aware, especially since he watches every move anybody makes. I hope this can be resolved soon for you, it's awful to go through.
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You might start by enlisting the help of your mother's doctor who should be willing to tell her not to drive while taking pain medication. Several insurance companies and AAA offer online safe driving skills tests which many of my clients have used to help elders realize their driving skills have decreased. High doses of pain meds and her daily casino trips may indicate a couple of addictive behaviors which should also be addressed with her doctor.
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How is the DPOA written? My mom's attorney wrote the DPOA as a springing type, meaning we can't make medical or financial decisions for her until she is diagnosed as incapacitated. Some DPOA require two dr. to diagnose it, while ours required one. Now that that has been done, mom's attorney will now work with us to get a conservatorship because in California, only a judge has final authority to deem someone incapacitated.

As far as taking her license away. We went to the website for California DMV and printed out their form for reporting unsafe drivers. We sent that to DMV (mom's dr. would not report her). About 4 weeks later, mom received a notice from DMV with a form she had to take to her dr. for him to fill out and return to DMV. Another 2 weeks went by and DMV notified my mother her license was revoked due to medical of being memory impaired (dementia). We are currently going through the legal process of getting the conservatorship. In my opinion, this is a dangerous way to write a DPOA because my mom has not been able to handle her finances for several months, in addition to the fact that she is not taking care of herself. The stress it has placed on us has been horrible. BTW, we had to take mom to a neurologist to get the diagnosis for incapacity. Good luck, it is heartbreaking to go through this.
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What are you and your siblings going to do when all of mom's money is gone and you could've done something to prevent it? Get the car keys and the car away from her ASAP!!!! Someone needs to control her spending also. Mom needs help. Please get her off the roads for everyone's sake.
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I had the same thing with my Dad. He would not give up driving and was running into things. I talked to his dr. who wrote a letter to the DOT and told them there were concerns about medications, health issues, and that he was just not safe to be driving. Then I called the local police and told them of his running into things and not even knowing what he has hit. He smashed out his front headlight and blew out a tire and continued driving on the rim. They then also contacted the DOT and kept an eye out for him on the road. they never did pull him over, but he got a letter telling him he had like 30 days to surrender his license. As for POA, you will most likely need a guardianship if there is money involved. That is what I had to do, and now my Dad is in a nursing home getting the care he needs, and I am paying his bills with his money instead of the casino getting it all. He also is a terrible gambler and my lawyer got the guardianship started. We did not have to have the hearing as my Dad finally admitted he could not care for himself anymore and was making poor decisions with his money. Good luck to you!
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If your brother has POA, then he has the power to have her driver's licensed revoked, among other things. Basically, POA gives him the right to make all decisions concerning your mother. Period. He can probably go on your state's web site for drivers and have her license taken away.
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Negoc8tr, I feel for you! Definitely do all the legal/POA/proving incompetence stuff you can, and do what you need to do to get her license revoked. However, that won't stop someone with dementia from driving if they can get in a car and turn it on. Either they won't remember they don't have a license anymore, or poor judgment will make them not care that they don't have a license and they will drive anyway. Taking away the keys will only make them blame you and resent you for a long time (THAT they could remember, even obsess on, for a long time because of the emotional weight of anger and feelings of outrage and loss of control can impress it on the memory). Physically disabling the car when they are not looking is the best deterrent, because after that, the car just mysteriously "won't work". You can even go through the motions of trying to start it for her and trying to fix it for her, and you can sympathize with her for how frustrating it is to not be able to drive it, then offer to driver her where she needs to go. That way, you come out as the good guy, and she won't have any reason to be upset with you and could become more trusting and cooperative with you. And like "mylife" said, if you want to indulge her in something she enjoys and looks forward to, take her to the casino, but YOU control how much time she spends there - if you think you will be able to get her to leave without a fuss. That might backfire, though, because if she's like my mom would be in that situation, she will tell you to go ahead and leave without her, she can get someone at the casino to drive her home, creating another whole dilemma. Hmmm.... maybe you could take her to play bingo at a local senior center or church. That might satisfy whatever makes her go and gamble - contact with people, playing a game, the excitement of winning something, and it would be safer and more wholesome, even beneficial for her - nice people, more social interaction, etc.
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If you are successful in getting her license revoked, you really need to physically take the car, too. I know someone who's dad never told anyone that his license had been taken away. He continued to drive until he got in an accident and the police found out.
It's hard to defy your parents. We've spent our lives being trained not to. But, unfortunately, if a person outlives their ability to reason or to consider others in any meaningful way, someone has got to take the reins and make the hard decisions.
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