Ever since I have decided to get married and starting the process of moving abroad my family break apart. So my elderly parents stays together because of me in the house , I do a lot mostly for my mum because for most of her life she’s dependent , she doesn’t drive or go shopping alone. Anyway, in few months I will have to travel and marry and my mum decides to come with me , she said she can’t stay with my dad alone. I have two other sisters who have both got married and having children. One of the sister is half sister, my dad is not her dad. My mum plan is to live with me abroad for some months and go back to her country to live with her other daughter. She’s not happy with this and wants to live longer period but visa issues won’t let her do it. My youngest sister is not really discussing future for our parents and doesn’t want to bother since she has very young children. My main concern is my father who is in his early 80s who will be living alone in his country. I don’t want to make this about me but I can’t help feeling angry that everyone around me lived their life , my parents both left their parents and moved abroad. And now it’s my time and no one is talking or finding any solution. My mum keeps telling me that children should let their parent live with them. And I told her like why is she giving me hard time more than my other siblings who didn’t offer her to live with them. What made all of this more complicated is only this year my father decided to tell me that I’m adopted. I’m worried about the future for my dad , my mum has support system back home and her biological daughter lives there.
What does your future husband think about his MIL moving in with the two of you after just getting married?
I think you need to tell your mom "No, you can not move with me."
You and others have been enabling mom to be dependent on others for her entire life. this has been of no help to her or to the people that have been enabling her.
If you think she is dependent on you now...imagine her in another country, another language (I am presuming that) with no friends, no family, no medical service that she can easily have access to (and what happens if she does need medical care will you and your new husband be willing and able to pay for her care?)
She will manage in her current home.
Get married and leave Mom behind .
Dad can hire a helper for whatever he needs as well.
This will be a time of great transition. From living with your original family to living in a new couplehood. Then building your own family (whether you stay as a couple, or have children one day).
It doesn’t mean you don't love your parents & siblings.. There can be room in your heart for everyone. But you can only sleep in one bed at a time & that will be with your new husband.
Your mum must be afraid of having freedom. I'd guess that she's always had someone else to make her choices for her. She never had to learn how to do it. But what if she could?
I'm happily married but have been a single adult. It is so nice as a single person not to have to answer to someone else! Wake up in the morning and do whatever she wants. Go out or not. Attend a movie by herself! Imagine that! Sitting there alone in the dark enjoying what she wants, not what someone else insisted upon. Cooking or not. Eating chocolates for breakfast. If only you could convince mom to live alone in a little place of her own where there's not much upkeep and she could make friends.
I know this will never happen because her culture is ingrained. But wouldn't it be nice?
Two is company, three's a CROWD.
I'd make it very clear....you are making vows with your new husband, not your Mom. It's your turn now to enjoy a relationship with the man you love, and start a new life!
I would remind your Mom she left her parents behind to get married. Your Mom has been spoiled for years, and now will have to do without her free Caregiver Slave. Too bad!
Don't even consider Mom's ridiculous plan. Start refusing NOW and moving forward assertively with your own plan with your new husband. How incredibly selfish your Mom is! Mom has her own support system, including your Dad.
Enjoy your new life you deserve. Not everyone gets a chance at happiness, so focus on your future and GO!
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