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My mother has been placed in an Independent Living apt. within a resort-type retirement center. My brother took care of all the arrangements. My mother is in the late "middle" stages of Alzheimers. The facility will not give me any information about her or even her apartment number. I'm being told she will soon have to move into their "assisted/nursing" wing because of her condition. My brother won't give me her phone number and I'm afraid I won't be allowed to see her once she's moved. She lives in another state. I think he has taken it upon himself to alert the facility not to give out info. to her 3 daughters. What can I do? Are there laws regarding this?

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My siblings evaded to take out my mother back to the Sherman Oaks, California home retirement care after March 05th, 2010 without my full consents while I legalized to live with her for many years. My siblings won't allow me to visit my mother at her home retirement care without their good reasons and no court order.

Can I file any legal lawsuit action against my siblings who illegally won't allow me to visit my mother while I legalized to live with her for many years after my father died in 2009?

Can you help me to find a Sherman Oaks or Los Angeles attorney who can help my rights to visit my mother right away? I have the rights to take care of my mother to stay out from her Sherman Oaks home retirement care right away. I hope that you can help me to find any private Sherman Oaks or Los Angeles attorney who interests to handle my legal rights to take care of my mom right away.
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Yes it is hard with the long distance you have. Not knowing what is going on. If your brother is not legal the one in charge you can also call social services and protective services in your local neighborhood. Also sit down with the social worker and even see if the local church can help. there are many ways around. you sound like you care. Make sure if you visit bring ID with you, send the card. I never had to stop the mail or vistor's because no one cared when mom got so sick. I was on the other end, I was reaching out even though mom did not want especially my own brother, who beleive me I don't know what I would have done if he was in charged. Thank god mom had enough sense to see and get with a good legal lawyer before it was too late. The bank that I work for had a program that paid for it. ( you see my brother hurt mom, stole money from her years ago, left 10 children homeless,, stole from several jobs, and is wanted by the US Marshalls) You have family that can help you find out what is going on. Send the cards, get a big one from all of you and maybe a suprise visit will wake someone up. All i wanted wa someone to visit or even send a card when she was up north or even when she moved to Florida with me for a while. The assisting living may work with you if you talk to them. Bless you and I hope and pray you can spend some time with mom. patrica61
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My heart goes out to you in this situation. We're fighting issues legally, too. Will be watching to see how your's develops. I like the "Love you, Mom" card approach. No one can take that away from you. Can you go visit?
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This true that sometimes even if had hurt the one in a nursing home or asisting living they can still see that person. However if there are certain reason,s that you may not know about that is why you may not be able to visist. I was on the other side of the fence. I was the the one who reach out for help and assistance. Asking if only a card could be sent or a simple visit. I called my brother up after 911 and told him about mom losing her three sisiters to cancer and she could use the money he owed her and just to say hello or send a card. Nothing was done until one of his children from another women told him my mom went into a nursing home in 2005 was any kind of call was made.I was yelled at, you see mom had fallen and was there for rehab. The ilness got worse after that. SO me being the Durable Power of Attorney, Legal Rep. Heath expoxy and person on her will as the one to take care of her and follow out her wishes. I did what mom wanted. This was all done by a New York Attorney in 2000 before she got sick, and I was not in the room at the time. Every issue is differrent. Yes you need to go to a elderly attorney, also does your mom have any legal papers that elected your brother to make all arrangements. I had to do every thing no one would even visit her when they heard the word ALZHEIMER'A/DEMENTIA. I even called my uncle in Washington ( he told me I was crazy there was noting wrong with mom. I asked if he could visit. Nothing happen. I also called my cousin's of who she was close to them they did nothing either. Tried to get a hold of my brother so did the police. Even though her wishes were not to contact him he was unable to find. You see he has close to ten children from different women how do you search. My mom wass brought down to Florida and lived with me for a while. However New york never told how bad the dementia was. I looked at ten differrent place and found one I checked out five different times before I approached them for only day care, it turned out the assisting living had to take her in Oct 2007. Mom just passed away in my arms Oct 5, 2009 I buried her in New York with dad in the VA cementry. I treid again to find my brother the police office at the time of her death could not find her . I was by myself. Mom is at peace now. I know my mom hada reason why she did not want my brother near her. She also had to call the police on him several times. I was there one time when he hit her and also thre milk in her face. The police were called then. That was before her illness. I would call the place your mom is at, or just get on a plane and visit. I had to make over 20 plane trips just to check on mom before she was so sick (I was still working, however I fell under the FML ACT) since I was elected to be in charge of my mom). At the time of her death when I hadd to go up north I had a total of 83,000 sky miles. I did not have to purchas a ticket. I just had a funny feeling somthing was wrong with how mom was talking once with mom oer the phone I spoke to my bosses and got on a plane. I had to leave my job in 2005 to took until 2007 to get her to Florida, due to all the legal things that had to be done. NO neighbor or any of my brothers so called family members checked on her and called me only one was my dear Uncle who was living in the two family home who watch over her and the next door neighbor. The holy rollers from teh church did not care or did other other neighbors. Just don't sit and wait until it is too late call and make a visit. Call a lawyer. This my sound bad but there may be someting wrong you do not know about. If there are no legal papers he can not keep any one away. I know this for a fact. patrica61.
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MJ I would get in touch with the facilaty and talk to a social worker she may not even know about you and then get in touch with an elder lawyer and let him advise you -it is so sad that your brother is so selfish and mean and I would definatly write her a letter that a staff member can read to her explaining to her what is happening she may not be aware of what is going on and be wondering why see is not hearing from you- I am so sorry for you and hope you pray to the one who is in control of everything-there is power in prayer.
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During my mother's conservatorship court hearing, I asked about letting the two thieving sisters access to my mother...even though they stole from her (and thus the reason the county stepped in to protect Mom), the judge said "I don't care if your sisters are on death row for murder, they have a right to see their mother." But... NO BUTS...

These sisters have thrown major monkey wrenches into my mother's affairs, and they still have all the rights to challenge me, complain, and be taken seriously. When I tell the PG what these two are up to, the PG doesn't take any action. Of course if your brother has conservatorship, he's in power, yet it will still be overseen by the county.

So, bad news from my point of view, but (this being California), you probably have the right to see your mother and contact her as much as you want. Could be your brother is poisoning her mind against you and others in the family, perhaps to be the only one to inherit. I'd keep track of every attempt and interaction.
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hello out there, taking care of a loved one should not be a fight with family. But it always is one child who is elected by the opartent to be the DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY AND HEATH EPOXY, AND ONLY PERSON ON THE WILL AND MAY EVEN BE LEGAL REP FOR THAT PERSON YOU ARE THE ONE IN CHARGE. FOR SOME REASON SOME FAMILY MEMBERS NEVER BROTHER WITH A LOVED ONE UNTIL THE FINAL DAYS OR WHEN THEY KNOW THERE IS MONEY. PEOPLE COME OUT OF THE WOOD WOOK ONE IS VERY SICK AND NEAR DEATH LOOKING FOR HAND OUTS. IF YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOUR PARENT AND TRUE CAREGIVER YOU SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM. IT MIGHT BE YOUR BROTHER OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS. IT MAY BE THE LEGAL WISHES OF YOUR MOTHER. WHEN PEOPLE ARE PLACED IN NURSING HOMES OR ASISTING LIVING THERE IS A LOT OF LEGAL PAPER THAT FOLLOWS. A PERSON DOES NOT ALWAYS NEED TO HAVE A ILLNESS LIKE ALZHEIMERS/DEMENTIA, SOMETIME THE OTHER CAN NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM IN A HEALTH CARE THAT THEY MAY NEED. YOU NEED TO FIND OUT FIRST BEFORE POINTING ANY FINGERS. I DID FOLLOW MY OWN MOMS WISHES OUT ABOUT CERTAIN VISTORS THAT WAS EVEN MY BROTHER BEFORE SHE EVEN WAS TO SICK. MY MOM NEVER IN THE LAST TWENTY YEARS RECCEIVED A CARD FROM HER SON ONLY HIM ASKING FOR MONEY. HE HAS OVER TEN CHILDREN AND SEVERAL WIFES AND MANY LADY FRIENDS. HE WALK OUT ON ALL THE CHILDREN BEFORE THEY WERE ALL TWO YEARS OLD. DEAD BEAT DAD. I TOOK CARE OF MOM FOR TEN YEARS AND SHE WAS ALSO IN A NURSING HOME AGAINST MY WISHES, BUT I WS IN FLORIDA. I MOVED HER DOEN TO FLORIDA AND IT WAS TOO MUCH, HER ILLNESS WAS TO FAR GONE. I LOOKE LONG BEFORE BRING HER TO FLORIDA AND FOUND A BEAUTILFUL ASSISTING LIVING OF WHICH I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME. SHE JUST PASSED AWAY. REMEMBER THAT IS STILL YOUR MOM, FIND OUT WHY AND ALSO SEND CARDS THEY HELP. DID YOU KEEP INTOUCH BEFORE MOM GOT SICK? ANOTHER STATE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. WHO IS THE CHILD IN CHARGE. CONTACT A LAWYER AND ASK FOR ADVICE IF NEEDED. iF YOUR MOM DID MAKE UP SOME SPECIAL LEGAL PAPER WORK AND MADE YOUR BROTHER IN FULL CHARGE, HE MAY BE FOLLOWING SOME WISHES OUT. IF THAT IS NOT THE REASON CALL FIND OUT IT IS THE HOLIDAY SEASON. MY STORY IS DIFFERENT. I WAS IN CHARGE NO ONE HELPED ME, NOT EVEN A PHONE CALL. WHEN I EVEN CALLED HER BROTHER IN WASSHING HE TOLD ME I WAS CRAZY MOM DID NOT HAVE ALZHEIMERS. I DID REACH OUT, BUT NO RESPONSE. ONLY WHEN MY DEAREST BROTHER FOUND OUT SHE MAY DIE AND CALLED UP WHEN I WAS UP NORTH TO YELL AT ME AND ALSO YELL AT MY OTHER UNCLE. HE NEVER TOOK CARE OF MOM ONLY USED HER AND ABUSED HER, WHEN ONE OF HIS WOMEN FRIENDS THREW HIM OUT WENT BACK TO LIVE WITH MOM. EVERY ONE HAS SECRETS. CALM DOWN AND FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU ALL AS A FAMILY.patrica61
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Hi MJ,
I'd follow Kelley's advise and contact the nursing home management as well. In the meantime, they MUST give her letters, cards, and gifts. That IS the law. Don't delay, 'send' your love to her. Sooz~
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MJ, I would contact the nursings homes management. That is your mother and unless there is a court order saying you arent allowed any information at all about your mother, then there are serious issues. Ask them about their policies on information sharing with family members. Does your brother have POA? It also makes me feel for your mother. It's fundamental in a residents care to have as much contact with family as possible. I can't believe they would deny your mother that at all.
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oh that is so sad , why is your brother doing that to u guys for ? there should be a law agaisnt that , sounds like youre going to have to get a lawyer for that .
i would be heartbroken if my brother did that to me . i be knockin on his door and demandin to know why he s doing that for ....
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