Can someone point me to documentation that explains laws about one spouse not being able to decline care for the other?

LoneStarGuy: This IS DEFINITELY  considered a medical emergency. A person cannot go around with an entire mouth of rotting teeth. Good grief!  I would say his mouth be tended to stat before sepsis sets in, if it already hasn't. If mom throws a hissy fit, so be it! At least you'll have saved your dad's life!

Bad teeth and gums can cause all kinds of health problems.

Did you get an estimate from the dentist as to how much the work your dad needs is actually going to cost? Dentists are not cheap.

? What is the link for the info you found? Thank you. My mom has had over  $2000 in dental bills because even the ALF can't get her to always take care if her teeth. We now have her teeth cleaned every TWO months. Sad how dementia affects everyone's routines. 

If there's a dental school in your area, contact them about reduced-priced dental care. It can be a significant savings.

While you are out with dad get a DPOA. Then you won't have to go through this when the next issue comes up.

Refusing basic care to someone is abuse. People often think of dental care as an "add on", if you go, fine, no big deal if you don't. Wrong!! Many people will pass bacteria from the decaying teeth into the kidneys, heart, and can become septic. I am overly aware of how nasty bad teeth look/smell and how VERY dangerous not caring for them can be.
Take your dad to the dentist. Ignore mom. She's going to be mad, no matter what. Dad is probably in pain and just keeps quiet.
Keep on taking him to the dentist until he has implants, crowns, dentures--whatever. Find a dentist who will work with you. If dad can still write checks, he can pay. If mom squawks--tell her you'll call APS, and mean it.

You don't know that she contributed to the household. I grew up around someone exactly like the OP is describing and I can tell you for a fact these kind of people don't contribute to the household, I know from experience because I watched it happen. What the OP is describing also describes the red flag of the abuser also controlling the victim's social life. Cruel people who are abusing someone else, there is a very high likelihood of there to be abuse in other areas of the victim's life, you can bet on it! When my mom abused me growing up, she was abusing me in all aspects of my life including my social life. Yes, there was also financial abuse going on and no, she did not contribute to the household at all! This is why I can tell you from experience that people who don't earn any of the money and there's only one breadwinner in the household where there is abuse going on, the nonworking abuser is not contributing. In my case, there is a familiarity that happens to me you mentioned here because my mom did something very similar to me so this is definitely very familiar and right up my lane, meaning I know it when I hear it. It takes someone who's been there to know and understand what's going on. I recognized what was going on right away. My mom would also neglect me medically as much as absolutely possible despite having the money. You may not realize this, but in so many homes where there happens to be substantial money, abuse is often happening. So many people out there may not even realize this from the outside, but trust me, this is definitely going on. Where there's lots of money, there's a very high rate of abuse secretly going on. My dad was also the breadwinner in our household, he worked for Ford and made all the money. My mom also didn't contribute, she never worked and earned a dime. She drank away a good chunk of the money, and so did my dad but surprisingly we were able to keep the childhood home and both cars for quite some years. We happened to live in a very good farm town. We happened to live near the lake, we had serious money, I just didn't know it at that very young age. Anytime children are growing up in very wealthy homes, there's all too often abuse going on in the home. Even in homes without children, there is often abuse going on in wealthy households but not in all cases. All too often there is, only a very few wealthy homes have healthy environments. In fact a mental health expert told me that about 72% of children growing up in wealthy households were victims of abuse. So when there's no children in the home, there are other targets such as weaker links among the adults, even elderly, so please don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, I barely survived so I know what I'm talking about. I lost two siblings, and my half-sister barely survive what I barely survived and my bio parents were very wealthy. Sometimes wealthy people have such a grip on their victims they won't let them go even for decades. I know, I barely survived it and I live to tell it. Finally, putting myself in the victims situation, I would already have legal protections in place before ever getting married, and I would definitely not have a joint account with my money in it. I would provide only what was absolutely necessary but not let my spouse drained me financially. I would never allow access to my bank account and I would never put my spouse's name to my assets that I owned before marriage. I would see to it I was fully and legally protected before ever saying I do. That way, in the event of a split, they wouldn't be able to go after my assets or any of my money

What you describe sounds exactly like a form of spousal abuse when one denies the other care. It also sounds like she's very narcissistic as mentioned here. Why didn't he leave when this started? Why did he ever even marry her? There are definitely some big red flags he must have missed or he never would've married her. I'm sorry he's in the middle of this right now but I strongly agree with getting APS involved right away. If they don't act immediately, get the cops involved and have them call APS. If they still don't act, the County really needs to do some serious house cleaning. If they don't do it perhaps the state will if you contact your elected officials or even the White House best yet. As a last resort, just go in there and physically get your dad and take him to the proper facility to get him that needed help he deserves.

I only hope the narcissist is not on his bank account! If she is, she's not entitled to it and she should be removed from his account and any assets he rightfully owns. You mentioned he was the breadwinner and she didn't work. Her narcissistic behavior may very well have something to do with it. If she wasn't legitimately disabled somehow and couldn't work, then she was a leech all this time. She probably only wants all the money to herself. 

From your description, I see exactly what's going on: 

* She's an abusive gold-digger deliberately neglecting his care so he'll die sooner of some kind of illness so she can cash in. In some cases, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if people like this can possibly be charged with murder or even attempted murder. Yes, a mouthful full of rotting teeth is a life-threatening situation where someone can die a slow death after prolonged and unnecessary suffering. 

* She may also have Munchhausen by proxy syndrome. Abusers deliberately inflict illness or injury on their victims for sympathy and attention. My mom did this to me. You may want to delve into her social life to see who all they know and see what they say. That will tell you for sure. 

If she's on any accounts or assets he rightfully owns, her name should be immediately removed and further yet, she should be removed from the home. Anything she bought with his money, it should be confiscated and sold and the money returned to him after she's gone from the home. She should possibly even be arrested, which would be a very good opportunity for the family to evict her from the home and sell what she owns that came from his money. She was never entitled to a dime of that money if she wasn't contributing to the household. 

Someone was wondering if she benefits financially when he dies, and my answer for that would be probably since she is his wife but hopefully not much longer if she's abusing him and has for quite some time.  if she benefits financially when he dies, any arrangements on her behalf should be overturned. Wheels should be changed and any life insurance policy beneficiary with her name on it should also be changed. Totally write her out of  everything. 

She doesn't deserve him if she's abusing him. Abusers don't deserve that kind of closeness with anyone if they're only going to turn around and abuse them. Furthermore, she's not entitled to another dime of his money. The bills are only paid because of him, make her on her own money, make her get a job! Her age doesn't matter, there are jobs older people can do and still earn money. You may also want to alert Social Security about her if it's found out she's abusing him financially and in other ways and there's documentation or proof to back it up. Social Security should be alerted to her so they won't give her no money either. Yes, definitely call Social Security but have documentation or proof to back it up especially if he happens to be getting Social Security and he's leaching that money off of him. They can put his money into a new account without her name on it. Someone in the family who is trusted can be his trustee or POA. Don't give her another dime and don't let  him give her any money either. Don't provide another thing for her, doing so is just enabling her to continue bad behavior. Please tell me she's not on those accounts and if so she will be immediately removed from that and all other assets he bought with his money. 

Providing for one's own household is one thing, but being abused while doing it is another, and it should be immediately stopped. She doesn't appreciate it and never did, so now she needs to face the music and pay the consequences for her bad choices

This sounds like elder abuse to me so as has been advised contact Adult protective services so they can intervene. Does Mom benefit financially when dad dies?

Sounds like we have the same mother, but my dad is already dead from her cheapness and nastiness. Now I'm stuck managing her care. Tooth decay can be deadly so I hope you can intervene.

Don't try to change your mother or make her care. It would be futile. It was said here she sounds like a narcissist, and I agree. And the money is his as much as hers, so she cannot control it. Make sure he gets his teeth fixed. Good luck.

Hi - indeed, I would hope that there's something that says he must have all checkups on a recommended schedule... which he seemingly has not. I hope you can use the material you've found to get him to any other checkups he's missed, to make sure nothing else is languishing. Good luck, good job!

Social Security law dictates that the beneficiaries funds must be used for him. Not to do so is fraud.

Good for you Lonestarguy, you have found the ammunition you need. Hope the solution is not too painful for dad or you

I would skip begging mom. She sounds narcissistic, and I won't be able to convince her no matter what. Call Adult Protective Services about a senior in need of care for rotting teeth, that you believe the wife may be abusing him by preventing his treatment. If you possibly can, set up an appointment to meet them at their house when you can be there to let them in the door. Your "friends" have arrived to see what they can do to help your parents, since they are lacking the funds to take care of themselves! Voila, the lies get mom in even deeper. And dad gets help with his mouth.

I just found what I need in the FL statutes. I just wanted something substantial in case she persists, but I know what his rights are already. Someone just needs to take some action on his behalf, which is already in process.

The key thing is that he gets his teeth seen to. As you say, it's his money; and what's she going to do about a fait accompli?

Perhaps you could point out to her that if it comes to light that he has a head full of rotting teeth - a trip to the ER, an inquisitive GP wondering what that terrible smell is - the finger of blame and shame will point straight at her. How will she live with it, knowing that everyone thinks she's a terrible, neglectful, idle wife?

I think you need to involve adult protective services in this.