Okay, I'm breaking out here a bit because what I've found is that the old adage "misery loves company" is true, because anytime I get a chance to gripe about things I get worked up, so....
I want to start this thread looking for the funny stories in the midst of all this stress and chaos. As caretakers when we step out of a situation, can you imagine how sill we look bribing an 80 yr old person with a piece of candy to "come on, I'll take you out" to getting ready for a wrestling match just to bathe? I mean my parents would fight to the death over that right not to shower, and we've all seen that message board.
So let me start with a couple.... my grandfather and grandmother from my mom's side, both had health issues, but grandma had beginning dementia and was seeing imaginary things. One of the funniest stories I remember is that my grandma thought my grandpa was tunneling floosies (these tramps) through a wall in the basement and just having all these sex parties etc.
My mom was frazzled in what to do. She started to tell my grandma that we had friends from the church who were FBI and, "Ma, its okay, we have cameras in the tv to watch what goes on. The FBI are arresting these women as soon as they come through the tunnel." My grandmother being relentless kept saying, "I can't believe your father... WHAT would he want with all those women..." (as a young kid, seeing my mother now.... oh I know what he was thinking.... roll a few fatties, pour a few drinks and unwind under the nose of his favorite control freak and the more the merrier!
Another story...Grandma at one point saw a horse in her house and started yelling for her husband to get it out. My mother was so stressed by this time, and I'm a teenager and I said, "Grandma, I'll take it out for a ride. I love horses, and it probably just came in for some lunch. Do you want me to bring her back for a nap?" She'd say no and I'd take this "horse" outside. My mom thought I was crazy but she was stressed to the hilt. Grandma couldn't help it. She kept screaming what a mess it left in her house and look at the hoof prints in her house. I just told grandma that it was okay, I think its something I can get out. I don't know if she bought that one or not.
Now turning that humor on to my parents.... I'll think of a story soon I'm sure... I just need to distance myself.... and I'm thinking West Coast this time (permanent vacation? :)
Hope to hear your stories!
She was looking out the kitchen window at the birds at the feeders we have hanging iin the yard. She starts yelling that it is snowing, snowing bad, I better go to the grocery store and get bread and milk because we are going to be snowed in. I ran to look, and at first it did look like snow, only it was blowing up and only in one spot. I started laughing and had to get Mom to put on her coat and go outside to see. The clothes dryer vent is by the kitchen window and it was blowing pieces of kleenex that had been washed and then thrown into the dryer with the load. Too many kleenex! Lesson learned, check pockets! Oh, and that is how I found out there was a ho;e in the dryer lint filter. Nice snow storm.
Then I proceeded to room 318. When I got on the elevator I looked at the panel after the elevator door closed. There was #1 (the floor I was on) and #2. No 3. So I figured I was on the wrong elevator. It did not go to three. I pressed the DOOR OPEN button and there was a woman who I presented my dilemna to. She told me, oh you must be visiting my mother. I am going up too. I'll show you the way.
So we get out at 2 and there is a sign on the wall floor 2 is to the right and floor 3 is to the left. But floor 2 and 3 are both on the same floor.
So her daughter and I go to her room but she is not there. So she suspects her mother is with her other daughter. So we start going around the nursing home but no sign of them. Finally her daughter gets a phone call from the other daughter with the mother and we walk to where they are and sit down to visit. Of course my former neighbor does not recognize me but her two daughters remember me from their father's funeral several months ago.
Every time their mother attempts to talk, the daughters interpret it and a lively discussion pursues. An hour easily goes by. That is what makes this experience bearable, having another person to continue the conversation with. If you can have a friend or acquaintance over that really can help.
I finally got a little recognition as I playfully told my former neighbor not to let her two daughters get away with anything. Laughter and humor works with those who are missing in alzheimers.
Well I hope I brought at least a few smiles to someone.
Stillsongs
Tonight, my husband was walking down the hallway and looked into the living room to see my mom sitting on the couch with her sweater over her head . . . just sitting there. He came in the kitchen and said, "Did you know your mother is sitting in the living room with her seater over her head?" He looked so bewildered . . . I just started laughing.
Or tonight at dinner when my mother came in making little sounds and doing a little dance. It was so cute. My husband got this look like "I'm in a crazy house". I just laughed and did the little dance with my mother who laughed and smiled.
God Bless
That story shows a wonderful humor and patience. Rather than try to control your mother, you participate in the imaginary life just like a child has. To be able to live with the behavior typical of children is a wonderful step towards being a caregiver. Thanks for sharing that.
When I went to visit my neighbor at the nursing home, her daughters kept up the laughter and good spirits. Now you just need to get your husband dancing!
Stillsongs
My goal is to have more patience with my mom and as you said participate in her world with love, kindness and lots of laughter. I work a part time job, my husband works full time and helps so much. He does have a harder time dealing with my mom. But, gosh is she so lucky to have a son-in-law who does so much for her. He's a huge help. Sometimes he has a hard time dealing with what my mom can and can not do, but he's trying and does a pretty great job. Besides, I can't even get my husband to dance with me. He likes to stand in one place and just kind of I don't know do that penguin thing (stay in one spot and just go back and forth). So, I don't think my mom is missing anything. LOL God Bless!
thanks
Here's one of my dad... the day we decided he can't go out shopping in public anymore.
Dad has always been and will be the provider for his family. He is from the old Greek school, and providing for his wife and daughter is mandatory. He also loves to help people. Manners great... in his decline... no so great.
One day my husband and I took him to the grocery store. He was putsying (remember Mr. Wiggins in Carol Burnett?) through the store and turning around with everything like a child "Do we need this?" Yes or no would be our reply. Then he hit the dairy aisle. He was standing in front of the butter display admiring all the different butter. Totally amazed at how many kinds he could have. We are viewing this from a short distance mind you. This female customer (in a hurry) is trying to get around my father to get butter. My dad says, "Oh I'll get it for you which do you want?" and proceeds to step in her way not once, but many times in the course of this purchase. She replies, "No I have it." and points to right there. She tries to side step him to reach for the butter herself and my dad moves in her way again.
Now... moving slower than a snail I wonder how he managed to get in her way about 30 times? She started getting ticked, and I said, "Dad, its okay she can get her own butter." What seems like an eternity was probably only minutes... and he got a little upset with me for daring to stand in the way of his chivalry. It was like a dance watching the whole thing really. She would move, he'd shift with her. She would reach, he would block. She looked back at my husband and I with a WTF look and we just shrugged our shoulders looking about as dumb-founded as could be and replied, "Its just easier if you let him."
FINALLY... the dance was over. She got her butter, dad had helped a woman and my husband and I were embarrassed to the hilt. Its a story we can laugh at now every time we walk by butter, but it was that day we vowed the shopping was over. No more dancing at grocery stores!
I remember visiting my dad after a cal for help form the retirement home. They presented him with his Rx., pants, eye glasses, shirt, breakfast and would have none of it.
"It's not mine. Nothing to do with me!" he said. We have laughed about that for months. At that point I wondered why I was so worried about having him take his Rx or eat. What is the difference? Why fight it?
He was dying of a brain tumour. That is the part of Living and Dying With Dignity, that I wrote about.
Good thread.
Mom took them and then complained that I ordered her too much food!
My father replied, "If you had Parkinson's, you could see it." We all got a good belly laugh out of that one.
One more...
I got the wrong diapers. I get the pull-up kind. Well, after a couple of days of grandma using the wrong kind she calls me in the bathroom and says "Missy, I can't figure out how to use these diapers." I told Grandma that I was sorry, and I wasn't paying attention when I got them.
I've tried repeating limericks and silly sayings back to my Dad that his Dad taught him, and he taught us as a child, such as:
Dad: Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?
Us: Not if it's in cans.
Dad: What if it rains can openers?
Us: Open a hardware.
Dad: What if they don't sell?
Us: But that's not the problem.
Dad: What is the problem?
Us: Do you think the rhubarb?
Dad: Not it it's in cans... (You get the idea...)
Or: The lady in the river had a sliver in her liver. Did she shiver? I'll say she did!
These silly verses don't seem to produce the same delight for him or us as they once did O so long ago. Heard enough, they rate right up there with Knock Knock jokes or "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly... Groan. But my eight year old is learning them, and will probably pass them on to yet another generation.
Mom and Dad used to go out to eat and play Euchre with another couple once a month, and every New Years. Mom started reporting that Dad's started making up new rules, and demanding other "follow suit" (ha ha). They were alarmed, at first, but went along. As Dad's Alzheimer's advanced, we began looking for additional ways to "connect" with him. Sure enough, he demanded we play according to his "new" plan. It made for interesting games at times, with knowing glances back and forth amongst ourselves. We had to fight hard to hold back our amazement and laughter at some of his "rules." At first, we tried correcting him, telling him, "You can't play a club on a heart!" But realizing he didn't remember how to play, and couldn't play as before, we just went along the best we could. It was humorous at times. We decided it didn't matter how we played the game. (Just being together scores higher!)
Today, he is bedridden, and watches our moves and faces as we play. He can no understand jokes, and can no longer participate in simple puzzles or checkers, but intently watches everything we do. When close enough, he still reaches out to tickle his grandson. It's not as fun without him playing, but better than sitting there continually asking, "So, how are you today?" (or trying to make up conversation). I think he enjoys just having us around
One day, Before we moved in to help, we were trying to get them out the door early for a doctor's appointment and Grandma had no underwear. Where were they all? In the hamper.
She would empty the hamper as she did everyday...but where?
So I found some undies and washed them in the sink. They had no drier, so I turned on the oven and spread them out on the rack...and handed Grandma underwear with grill lines toasted into them. I really expected her to put up a fuss, but she just looked at me funny and put them on...her head.
They were such loving and wonderful people. I remember them always fondly and with good humor.
How to Exercise if you're over 40:
1). Start by finding a comfortable surface to stand on. Make sure you have enough room to raise your arms out beside you. Take a 5 pound potato sack with each hand, and lift your arms straight out beside you, holding them as long as you can. Try to reach a minute, then relax. You should be able to hold this position a little longer each day.
2). Move up to 10 pound potato sacks after about two weeks.
3). Within the month, you should try to graduate to 25 pound potato sacks. Eventually, you should try to push yourself to lift 50 pound, then 100 pound potato sacks in both hands, holding your arms straight out for more than a minute at a time. (This is my level.)
4). When you have reached this extraordinary level, try adding a potato to each sack!
lol and keep on laughing...it works the tummy muscles!