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He asks questions that do not relate to anything going on that is real. And thinks his clothing is off kilter when it is fine. What stage is this? This just is increasing in frequency and it drives me crazy.
Have him tested for dementia. Make appt asap with his medical provider.
The driving you crazy part: I get it. We all understand this part. I empathize. It is emotionally and psychologically draining.
He could be itching from medication - check this out. Best way to address is to say "I understand" and change the subject. While difficult to 'ignore' you need to be able to filter some of this 'chatter' by shifting how you feel inside. Get up, shift your position (physically) and train your brain to go elsewhere when he does this. It takes presence / awareness in the moment --- You can do this - its called neuro-plasticity (look up Rick Hanson, Ph.D., brain / neuro-scientist)
Possibly medication will help him. First, get a diagnosis 'officially.' You will need this to get all legal documents (incl finances) in order if you haven't done already.
Then, do make time for yourself. You need to get a break from this. - Go out with a friend(s) - Go to a park or a movie or a knitting or car repair class. You must take care of yourself when in this situation 24/7. Hire caregiver(s) or acquire volunteers to spend time with him.
Finally, once you have a diagnosis and realize that his brain has changed / cells die, and that it will continue and be more challenging for you to manage, check into nursing homes or AI or memory care units 'now' - for when you might decide it is time to make this major decision.
There will (or may) come a time when you won't be able to manage his behavior and you do not want to wait until that time comes as you will - by then - be so exhausted and more 'crazy' than you feel now. You do not want to get yourself to the point of having a breakdown - which is certainly possible if you do not set limits for yourself.
Read TEEPA SNOW's (and others') website , webinars, buy her books, watch her You Tubes. She and others will give you information on how to communicate with a person inflicted with dementia.
Take care of you. Get him tested. Get volunteers/support. Get all legal matters in order.
You can go along with your husband's nonsense so long as it's not dangerous to do so. If his delusions are violent or paranoid, don't go along with it. Correct him every time and tell him it's not true then ignore it. If he gets agitated and starts panicking, he will need medication. His doctor can help with that and can prescribe meds that will help.
I worked as an in-home caregiver for a long time. It's okay to go along with some harmless nonsense or delusion. I had an elderly client with dementia who thought she was secretly married to Elvis Presley. So we went along with her and called her 'Mrs. Presley'. It was harmless, kept her calm, and made her happy. If the nonsense starts sounding paranoid, violent, or he starts packing and trying to run away, that's different.
When people have asked me my experience is as a caregiver for people with dementia, the subject of nonsensical talking comes up. Especially later on in the day, someone with dementia can get their thoughts confused... If I had to describe it, to me it looks like when someone is coming out of a deep sleep and still dreaming and talking nonsensically. I had one lovely older woman who did this constantly and her family would look to me as if to say " what is going on?". She's especially fixated on the digital clock with its bright glowing numbers glaring at her .And she would proclaim that it was trying to tell her something. Very gently I would remind her that sometimes she gets a little bit tired later on in the day and that that's just a clock with the numbers that tells us the time. When I met her, her dementia was just beginning... And we would talk about it a lot. I told her that there would be days and times that she would forget her words or things would seem a little bit mixed up, or she might even forget my name. But that it would be okay. We would all help her and make sure that everything was good. And it was okay for quite a while. I don't know your back story but you are in very much in need of doctor's input and some assistance in caring for your husband. I agree with the other posters...educate yourself as much as you can...and get support as well.
No matter the stage of dementia, its progressing with your husband, as it always does. As we've advised you in past posts, things will only continue to get worse, unfortunately. Call hubbys doctor for calming meds if you feel he's agitated, thinking his clothing is off kilter. Oftentimes, folks with dementia lose their senses and depth perception, feeling that their clothing is wet when it's dry. Things are perceived differently to them, and they tend to repeat themselves constantly as their short term memory fades away. Just agree with whatever he's saying and don't argue, it just tends to be upsetting.
If all of this behavior is driving you crazy now, I suggest you look into placement for your husband. You can visit him as his wife instead of his caregiver, which is nice.
In the meantime, learn all you can about dementia by reading Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller and The 36 Hour Day. Watch some videos online by Teepa Snow, and familiarize yourself with what lies ahead and how to best handle the situations that arise.
Here is a useful link from the Alzheimer's Association about the Do's and Don'ts of Compassionate Communication with dementia:
This is the stage where it is crucial to see an MD with a referral to neuro-psyc for evaluation. It is important to know as much as you can about the dementia that is coming. So this is the part where you sit hubby down with the rest of the family to say that things are changed and that he needs to see his doctor.
There are some SLUMS and MoCa tests on youtube that you and hubby can do as a "game" if you like, and that will tell you if you are seeing normal aging signs or signs of dementia, but it is important now to have evaluation.
Watch some Teepa Snow videos on youtube to see if you recognize where you and hubby are, and to get pointers on how to respond.
I wish you the very best. The problem with early dementia is that often the person UNDERSTAND they are slipping, but go deep into denial out of terror. When that happens they may become very uncooperative. Be certain all your document for MPOA and POA are in place now while they can be done. Get advice from the MD about how to get hubby into the office. Often the docs can make up a little story by calling his patient and saying "John, it's time for me to see you about some testing; I am having my office call to make you an appointment.
I wish you the best of luck. This is very tough stuff. Stay here and read. We are with you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Make appt asap with his medical provider.
The driving you crazy part:
I get it. We all understand this part.
I empathize. It is emotionally and psychologically draining.
He could be itching from medication - check this out.
Best way to address is to say "I understand" and change the subject.
While difficult to 'ignore' you need to be able to filter some of this 'chatter' by shifting how you feel inside. Get up, shift your position (physically) and train your brain to go elsewhere when he does this. It takes presence / awareness in the moment --- You can do this - its called neuro-plasticity (look up Rick Hanson, Ph.D., brain / neuro-scientist)
Possibly medication will help him. First, get a diagnosis 'officially.'
You will need this to get all legal documents (incl finances) in order if you haven't done already.
Then, do make time for yourself.
You need to get a break from this.
- Go out with a friend(s)
- Go to a park or a movie or a knitting or car repair class. You must take care of yourself when in this situation 24/7.
Hire caregiver(s) or acquire volunteers to spend time with him.
Finally, once you have a diagnosis and realize that his brain has changed / cells die, and that it will continue and be more challenging for you to manage, check into nursing homes or AI or memory care units 'now' - for when you might decide it is time to make this major decision.
There will (or may) come a time when you won't be able to manage his behavior and you do not want to wait until that time comes as you will - by then - be so exhausted and more 'crazy' than you feel now. You do not want to get yourself to the point of having a breakdown - which is certainly possible if you do not set limits for yourself.
Read TEEPA SNOW's (and others') website , webinars, buy her books, watch her You Tubes. She and others will give you information on how to communicate with a person inflicted with dementia.
Take care of you.
Get him tested.
Get volunteers/support.
Get all legal matters in order.
Gena / Touch Matters
I worked as an in-home caregiver for a long time. It's okay to go along with some harmless nonsense or delusion. I had an elderly client with dementia who thought she was secretly married to Elvis Presley. So we went along with her and called her 'Mrs. Presley'. It was harmless, kept her calm, and made her happy.
If the nonsense starts sounding paranoid, violent, or he starts packing and trying to run away, that's different.
I don't know your back story but you are in very much in need of doctor's input and some assistance in caring for your husband. I agree with the other posters...educate yourself as much as you can...and get support as well.
If all of this behavior is driving you crazy now, I suggest you look into placement for your husband. You can visit him as his wife instead of his caregiver, which is nice.
In the meantime, learn all you can about dementia by reading Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller and The 36 Hour Day. Watch some videos online by Teepa Snow, and familiarize yourself with what lies ahead and how to best handle the situations that arise.
Here is a useful link from the Alzheimer's Association about the Do's and Don'ts of Compassionate Communication with dementia:
https://www.alzsd.org/dos-and-donts-of-compassionate-communication-dementia/
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
So this is the part where you sit hubby down with the rest of the family to say that things are changed and that he needs to see his doctor.
There are some SLUMS and MoCa tests on youtube that you and hubby can do as a "game" if you like, and that will tell you if you are seeing normal aging signs or signs of dementia, but it is important now to have evaluation.
Watch some Teepa Snow videos on youtube to see if you recognize where you and hubby are, and to get pointers on how to respond.
I wish you the very best. The problem with early dementia is that often the person UNDERSTAND they are slipping, but go deep into denial out of terror. When that happens they may become very uncooperative. Be certain all your document for MPOA and POA are in place now while they can be done. Get advice from the MD about how to get hubby into the office. Often the docs can make up a little story by calling his patient and saying "John, it's time for me to see you about some testing; I am having my office call to make you an appointment.
I wish you the best of luck. This is very tough stuff. Stay here and read. We are with you.