I keep lashing out at my husband, who is a kind and sweet man even during his dementia, when he keeps asking the same questions?

Thank you GardenArtist. Creative thinking, indeed. And spur of the moment answers. Such wonderful challenges. And my responses here in this post are of kindness.
I get him to read out loud to me. Seems to keep him occupied while I'm working on the computer since we're in the same room. I just keep "umhumming" and "is that so" every so often. Works

Cheyenne, if he enjoys reading, you might try switching the repetitive conversations to what he's reading. If he understands the material well enough, ask him to tell you about the new ship. Ask about everything - propulsion, weapons systems, mission, etc.

If he was in the Navy, segue into conversations about boot camp, deployment, missions, etc.

Military guys love to talk about their live in the service.

A really challenging method though would switch your frustration from creative thinking. How can you answer the same question differently each time? That would show real creativity on your part and hopefully would be inspirational rather than frustrating.

Singingway, my Hubby would think I'm the one with dementia if I did any of those things. The caregiver and I also played music. We played some of his old records. Sound wasn't good enough. But, he's been reading about Military ships especially the new one to be launched.

Other ideas: Go tactile. Hold him. Hand him some play-dough, silly putty or therapy putty. Hand him a popsicle. Or a soft fuzzy or furry item -- a toy, or a live dog. Play happy music. I had a pile of party blowers (the kind that unroll, but NOT the kind that squeak) which helps exercise the lungs as well as diverts that talking energy.

Singingway, you say can no longer take care of US, or comfort US.
Yes, how true you are. He and I are a blended family. I'd bounce off my problems to him; and he'd give thoughts. Now ----- well, not very much any more because he doesn't remember families too much any more. And your right, sometimes, he can't figure out how to even put on a shirt. Hugs to you.

Sometimes I would plug my MP3 player into large visible headphones. Whether I had the player actually ON or not -- I would smile and nod at any interruption, then dance a little and turn away and keep washing dishes. It was a big signpost saying..."I can't hear you" which gave me a needed respite.

When I think of the times my exasperation came out - it was because underneath was GRIEF. We are living with a person we have known as smart, and capable. And holding that image superimposed over the current reality of their confused mind repeating questions, or their inability to figure out how to put on a shirt, is grief, and profound loss -- we feel sadness for ourselves, as that person can no longer take care of US, or comfort US. And often, there IS no-one else to do that. We've lost the part of our best friend that could relate to us in an equal give-and-take, and now it seems, only part of them is left. The part that needs our care, effort and time. For me, just knowing that what I felt was grief, helped a bit.

Loving someone and sometimes getting annoyed with their behavior isn't mutually exclusive. God knows I'd be divorced by now if it were! Personally, I think it's completely "normal" ( not a big fan of "normal" classifications ) to occasionally snap at someone you live with. The key is to not do it too often, apologize when you do, reassure the person that you love them and finally - not beat yourself up too much when it happens. We are human and we make mistakes. The best we can do is to learn from them and work to do better.

Yes We are very familiar with repetive questions, but I never let it bother me though as I know it's not my Mother's fault it's the dam Alzheimer's. When I'm preparing dinner Mother will ask me numerous times WHAT ARE WE HAVING FOR DINNER TODAY JOHN ? and each time I will answer like as if I had not been asked before. Why make My darling Mother feel bad or embarris Her, no never. We as Caregivers love those Who We care, and We must show it.

Cheyenne, I know how it is. My mother really wore me down when she would repeat herself over and over and I didn't live with her. I don't have any answers for you. Just know that others understand you and your situation.

Cheyenne.
It is difficult and stressful to have things repeated over and over. I just tried to keep calm and tolerate it. I don't think I could deal with it 24/7.

My loved one is in Memory Care and I'm glad that she has care there. I will offer that the repeating was something that she did much earlier in her progression. After about a year she stopped repeating as much. Only rarely will she repeat anymore. She was in the hospital ER recently due to a fall and she kept telling me that she loved me, (this was said about ever 30 seconds for hours) but that's the only time I have heard her repeat in a long time.
So, there is a chance that the repeating will reduce as he progresses.

Jeannegibbs. thank you. Yes, he does know that he has dementia; and I can give him that answer. Big Hug.

Twice in a month isn't exactly "keep lashing out" but I understand it is twice more than you wish it were! Apologize each time. I didn't give in to frustration often but I felt often when I did. I could say, "Oh honey, I am so sorry I snapped at you. It isn't really you that I am mad at. I'm just frustrated that ol' Lewy is messing with us!" (He had Lewy Body Dementia.)

Does your husband understand that he has dementia? How him that you are on his side!

Thank you, all, for answering
Babalou, Hubby is on meds already for the dementia. I do have a caregiver come in two mornings a week which suits me ok. He doesn't go to Daycare although we have discussed it. The caregiver gives him the outside attention he'd get there. And Hubby does get out during the week with other family members.
He's such a dear.
Thank you again.

Cheyenne, have you talked to your doctor recently? Caring for a dementia patient is wearing. You may need antidepressants, more tespote, or your husband may have passed to point where he can be cared for at home without YOU getting more help. Does he go to Daycare?

I find with my dad I have to get very creative with diversion/distraction and fibbing. Old guys like to talk about the old days and their great adventures. Even though I've heard all these stories a hundred times I still divert him there. I'd much rather listen to the same deer hunting story for the umpteenth time as to keep answering a question over and over and over......... I will even look out the window and tell him I saw a deer or raccoon. That keeps him busy for awhile. I'm fibbing but hes happy and occupied.

Since you've tried most of the diversion techniques and are still bombarded with the same questions from your husband over and over I think it's fine to just walk away for a brief spell to preserve your sanity.

Cheyenne, I find myself doing that with my Dad who is in the beginning stages of memory loss.... I have to keep telling myself it's not his fault, but it can be frustrating.

You're right that trying to change the subject doesn't always work until something major changes the course of his thinking. My Dad was in the hospital this weekend and he kept saying it's time for him to change clothes and head to the dining room [at his IL/AL complex]... no matter how many times I told him he was in the hospital, again he would say the same thing. It wasn't under the meal tray was delivered by the hospital that Dad was finally distracted. Whew.

I think walking out of the room is the best bet if he doesn't need to be watched continually..... unless he following you around the house. Sometimes I can re-direct Dad by turning on the Weather Channel as he is fascinated with the weather in different areas.