If my Dad's "ladyfriend" keeps borrowing his truck for her own personal use can that be elder abuse?

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He is 85, she is 60ish. Their relationship started 10-12 yrs ago. He was working for her as a paid handyman. That evolved into a friendship where he was at her beck and call and she quit paying him. He was in love with her but she didn't reciprocate. So, he's been giving her his labor and knowledge of carpentry and running here and there doing what ever she wanted. In the past year, since he is slowing down, she has been borrowing his truck. She has taken it to San Diego from the Central Valley (8hr drive) 3 times to visit her son. (she wasn't sure her own Cadillac would make it). She dented the truck but denied doing it. So, she "borrows" it for weeks at a time. If he wants it back he has to go get it. Is this elder abuse? (One time while talking to her she started to say how much she "gets" from my dad but caught herself and said "we've been friends a long time". It just makes me sick to watch her use him this way.

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Janny57, this has been going on for over a decade.... let it be.... if your Dad didn't like what was going on he would have kicked her to the curb years ago.

As for this being elder abuse? Not even close.
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Let's look at it this way: if she was not in his life at all, he would wither and die. He needs a certain amount of aggravation in his life to keep going. How many men complain about their wives, but still cling to them? Actually, we are all guilty.
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I understand it all. His truck, his friend, his life. Yeah. That's all great except when you figure in dementia and all. Pam, you say he shouldn't be driving. I agree but most of his driving is to drive to her rental properties to help her. She sends him on errands to Home Depot and he forgets what he was supposed to buy and then she gets mad at him. It is a long story and I should not have asked the question because you don't know it all and it is impossible to convey it all. Jealousy? Maybe. But mostly I just hate seeing him being used. He said to me one time "I'm constantly doing for her and what do I get? Nothing, she never does anything for me." So, he knows deep in his heart that shes using him but he is so anti confrontational that he just keeps on doing it. Oh well... the attention that used to go to my mother was warranted. She loved him. This woman is a user and doesn't love my dad. She is out for what she can get. I'm not jealous of that, it makes me sad. I don't know how you can say "dad is happy" when you have never met him.
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I detect a little bit of jealousy here. Children often instinctively reject anyone who is given the affection and attention that used to go to their mother. Now at 85, Dad probably should not be driving. On the other hand men don't want to give up their truck anymore than they want to give up their right arm.
Their relationship works for them, but not for you. Dad is happy. Let it be.
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He lends it because he has feelings for her. My husband says that dad is thinking maybe he will get some sex one day. Years ago he told her he loved her and wanted to be a couple. She wasnt interested. She's had 3 husbands all dead now. He is driven by his feelings for her and she uses that for all she can get.
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His friend. His truck. Let it go. He enjoys this person being in his life, it brings him joy, even if it depreciates the darn truck. Please let it go.
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Borrowing your dad's truck does not constitute elder abuse.

If your dad doesn't want her to borrow the truck why does he keep lending it to her?
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