How should I handle a lady in mom's assisted living making a habit of going into her room? - AgingCare.com

How should I handle a lady in mom's assisted living making a habit of going into her room?

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Mom has been in assisted living just for 2wks the facility has 55 residents. One lady is wheelchair bound with dementia and makes the habit of going in the other resident's rooms. I feel for her but she has come into my mom's quite a bit for only 2wks (doesn't say anything if you tell her "no Mary" she will leave. Mom called me historical and crying and say she hated it there and this woman is going to drive her nuts. I know she has rights but they are good to her

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As a patient in a NH, I've experienced this as I was recovering following a AP shunt operation that really reversed my post traumatic hydrocephalus. A man across the hall repeatedly would come in and sit down and refuse to leave, until an aide could be hailed to remove him. Long story short I finally wrote a letter to the administrator laying out my fears and concerns and they did get better monitoring this guy and closing my door. Thank God! A relative could do the same thing. Peace of mind is so important in such a setting.
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I considered this as my mother's door is left open for safety, also. I wonder if it's safe to put up a "doggy gate", to discourage others from wandering in...?
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I have a tendency to believe your mom. If this lady has dementia, I doubt very much this behavior will stop. My mom was in a memory care unit for one week, while waiting for a regular room in the same facility. Those that are in MC are there because they are an elopement risk, which means they are pretty mobile. In that short time, I found one lady in my mom's bed and four others who periodically wondered into her room, even when I was there in the room. I'd tell them it was not their room. Sometimes they left, sometimes I had to get staff to redirect them. It was so common, that their policy was to lock up their glasses at night so that they would not be missing the next day. That has to tell you something of the frequency and about the innocent but "sticky fingers". Luckily my mom never saw this. I also would suggest closing the door when she leaves the room. My experience with AL is that the doors lock. But I also agree with leaving the door open when she is in the room, for the social and safety aspects of it. I think telling someone in administration is the best route. Besides a deadline, I think I'd ask in a nice way what specifically they intended to do about it.
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Rainmom, it was interesting reading about your Mom and things she would plan so that you would take her out of the retirement home. Pretty clever.

When my Dad was in Independent Living, he liked keeping his door opened, as people would walk up and down the hall, and call into him "Hi Bob" if they saw him in his recliner. He also did the same thing in Memory Care, it made him feel like his room was larger if he could see the common living room in his corner of the building.
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Sunnygirl makes a good point about verifying that the situation your mother describes is accurate. My mom was extremely upset about being placed in a NH and was doing her best to make me and my brother think she was unsafe there. Mom told my brother that the head administrator was molesting her and that people were stealing from her. When that didn't work mom started to "fall" every day. Mom kind of blew it though the day she planned her "fall" for when I made my regular Friday visit. Since she wasn't sure exactly what time I was coming she arranged a pillow and blanket on the floor so she'd be comfy while she waited for me. As for the suggestion of keeping her door shut - just be careful with that one as it will not only keep Mary out but everyone else who might be able to just pass by with a friendly "hello" and make your mom isolated and lonely.
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Summer, your Mom will find a large variety of different personalities on her floors. Eventually she will bond with others and have new girlfriends. My Dad became friends with the guy next door who was also his dinner mate.

My Dad had a situation where he was in his bathroom and when he came out there was this lady he didn't know fast asleep on the top of his bed. Oh dear, Dad [95] called me in a panic as he didn't want to get into any trouble. I had him push his medical alert pendent and the Staff came in and redirected this lady to her room.

When I asked the Staff the next day about this, turned out it was true, the lady tends to wander. As long as Dad knew he wasn't going to get into trouble, he was ok about it if it should happen again.
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Have you actually confirmed that this lady is coming into your mother's room at the times she claims? Your profile says that your mother has dementia. She could be imagining it. I would confirm if these things are happening first. If it is, it's the facilities' responsibility to handle it and ensure that this lady stays out of your mom's room.

In regular AL I think that they sometimes have dementia patients that may be too advanced for them to properly supervise. They may need to review this lady's behavior to see if that is the case. Most the AL and MC facilities that I have seen, the residents love to have visitors come to their rooms.
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Advise the administrative as well as activities staff; the latter might be able to take her to activities in common areas to minimize the wander time.

She might in fact just be lonely, so if staff can find a way to rechannel her visits, that might be helpful.
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I had a demented room mate who paced in and out of the room. However many times I asked for the thermostat to be turned down everytime she came back into the room she automatically flicked it back up to 80 as she walked past. She would also come over to my bed and rearrange the blankets. Luckily she was discharged in 2 days. next one was a young drug addict who was constantly trying to get out of bed which was no better but she only lasted a few hours and was taken to the psychiatric unit the next morning.
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Can she lock her door? The assisted living stepdad was at had locks on the doors. Staff has master keys so they can get in. He had a key so he could get in when he went out.

What is the facility's policy on those that need more care than they can provide? What is state law on facilities providing care to those with dementia? Do they have the appropriate resident/patient ratio since they are caring for dementia? What does mom's lease say about this sort of issue?
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