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My dad has lived with us safely, except for a few falls, for the past 4 years. Now, with dementia and sundowners, he has to be watched every minute. He is very impulsive and does so many careless and dangerous things. We have attendants during the day and a couple nights a week, but for 4-5 nights a week, it has become out of control. Sleep aids have been very ineffective, as they just amp up his agitation. I cannot sleep during the day to compensate for the sleepless nights. Our house has become a house of horror at night. And, if I should look into nursing home care, how will they handle him? He is strong, willful, and he gets very mean....until the sun comes up. Also, medicaid pays for his attendants, so it's not like he will be entering a lovely facility with pansies along the walk that is well-staffed. What to do, what to do.....Thanks in advance for your insight. My dad is 91.

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it sounds as if, for your dad's sake and for your family, the time is now.

As for the kind of nursing home he'll get into, it depends a lot on where you live. In my community every beautiful home has a set number of Medicaid rooms set aside. Non-profits are generally forced to do this in order to get government payment.

The people on Medicaid (in my community) are treated no differently than those who are on private pay. The wait may be longer to get a room, however, so you need to get him on several lists locally. Please do this for all of you. The staff will "handle him." They are trained and will work with doctors.
Take care,
Carol
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I agree the time is now. My mum has become a handful lately I came home and found house completely cluttered today like we had been burgled I just cried and had to clean it up again for the second time today.
I was going to look after mum until things got worse but today am wondering if im just dreaming and maybe who am I kidding im not coping very well at all and maybe she is better in a home?
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I think I would work on getting a handle on the night behaviors first. That may extend the time you can keep Dad with you, and also make his stay in a care center more pleasant.

Is Dad being seen by a dementia specialist? Drugs work differently for persons with dementia than for the general population. Also some drugs that are in general not recommended for elders or those with dementia can be very effective if used correctly and monitored closely. Most doctors are not up on these issues. A geriatric psychiatrist or a behavioral neurologist may be your best bet.

It may be time for Dad to be somewhere that is staffed around the clock to meet his needs. But I think it would be a huge favor to explore all options to solve his night issues first. Do NOT feel like a failure if you don't succeed. Even the specialists aren't miracle workers. But, in my experienced opinion, it is worth the effort to try.
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NOW is the time, talk to the MD about an Alzheimer's or Memory Care Facility. Soon he will begin to wander and get lost. I have seen fancy care facilities and humble ones, both had compassionate staff and good care. As long as you stop in often and have good communication with the nurses, he'll be OK.
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Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I checked out a couple facilities in town today, but with my dad's limited mobility...he really requires assistance to walk at all, he would have to be in skilled care or long term...anyway, I don't feel he would fare well in either, so I have decided to skip that plan and try to plan a better day for him. There just wasn't enough conversation going on for me! I also have a consult with a geriatric psychiatrist. Thanks again...he's waking up...gotta go...pray for a good night!
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