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Father diagnosed with dementia, has been on Nemenda & Aricept for several years. Lives at home with my mother. They live down the street from me. Father has reached a point where he believes my mother is a squatter in his house and calls her a "scam artist". He is starting to do some wandering and making strange phone calls. Mother suffers from severe depression and is also an alcoholic. Father therefore receives minimal care - mother's limit is making sure he takes his meds twice a day and makes it to doctors appointments. They are shut ins, isolated, no friends, no family. I am the only one. I can only do so much as I work 6 days a week. Mother says absolutely no one will be coming into their house, for any reason, for his care, therefore, a sitter or home health is out of the question. Besides, father already believes various people are coming into the house to steal things. I have a meeting with a counselor next week at a nearby ALF about possibly putting my father there for some "Respite Care" as a trial run. I think if father had better care he could stay at home (he is physically strong as an ox and can even still push-mow the yard) but mother has been telling me for 6 months that she is "done" with this and is even taking about suicide. I feel I have no choice but to get him in another living arrangement.

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That's what I thought. I sincerely sympathasize with you. Sounds like moving him is the right thing to do for everyone.
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geevesnc, his dementia worsens her depression, and vice versa. At this point they hate each other. They would be better apart. Her behavior toward him borders on verbal/emotional abuse at times. I do not believe he will go willingly. Mom has POA, and I have POA in the event she cannot perform this duty. He spent time in skilled nursing in 2015 and 2016 and both times the doctors declared him "unable to make his own decisions" in order to admit him against his will (both times he was completely delusional).
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If your mother won't allow anyone into the house to help, it seems you have no choice but to try out AL or a memory care facility. Would he go? We would all love our parents to be able to stay in their homes, but when they aren't getting the care they need, we need to do what's best for them and find the facility that best fits our needs. Who knows, mom might even perk up if he moves out. Perhaps his dementia is contributing to her depression. It is terribly hard to watch someone you love detriorate. You sound like a loving child. Getting some respite care is a great way to see how things will work for all of you.
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