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He is not dangerous to himself, me, or our home yet, and not cross or grouchy, and says he isn't losing his mind when I explain things he does that make no sense. I know he is beyond "reasoning" so I don't argue with him, but his constant confusion is hard to deal with minute-to-minute/day-to-day. We're not wealthy, and have a reservation for him at the VA home locally for Alz, but have to wait until there is an opening, but don't want to move him earlier than necessary - yet want to minimize MY stress.

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I'm not sure if they're in your area. My mom was recently diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia, so I am in your shoes looking for experienced providers, as well.
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Thanks Jim. How do I get in touch with BAYADA? Never heard of them before.
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Have you considered a home health aide to help with his care? BAYADA specially trains their home health aides on how to care for people with Alzheimer's and dementia sot hey know how to navigate the challenging behavioral landscape.
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Actually, he has prostate cancer that metastasized to his right humerus and it's very fragile, so could break and if that occurs, it will not heal and he will be forced into a care facility. He also has diabetes, but it's under control and he "looks" healthy. It may be a while, unless there is a fall that precipitates the breaking of the arm before I can get any relief, other than respite care the VA provides (30 days a year, taken 2 weeks at a time).
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drruth,
That's tough, but it is quite common. Do you have anyone to help you with is care until the VA opening comes open? I suppose it could be weeks, months or years.
If it he is placed there, what would prevent him from walking out the door on his own?

I hope that someone who is familiar with VA dementia facilities will chime in here. I'm not familiar with them.

Does your husband have a medical condition that he might consider going into rehab for treatment? Sometimes, that kind of explanation will get the dementia patient on board.
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Unfortunately, I don't have a time frame - will have to tell them my situation and hope for good news. He is NOT willing to go anywhere and resists having anyone else come into the home to help- thinks I'm just accusing him of "losing his mind" and thinks he is "fine" - it's "my imagination". Heard this all before and not accepting it, but will not be able to physically move him myself.
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Do you have any time frame for when the VA facility will be able to accept him?
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Very difficult. One comment you hear regularly is that if you wait 'til you're sure, you'll have waited too long. Perhaps more comfortingly, I hope, the more capable your husband is when he makes the move the better his chances of establishing good relationships with the staff and with his fellow residents.

So, the sooner the better: why wait for the crisis?
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