How do you know when caring for an aging Mother is just not working?

Follow
Share

May not be enough space.....she is 76, with a lot of auto immune issues. Non Hodgkins lymp. Colitis. Arthritis, hoshimotos thyroiditis, depression,anxiety.divorced from my father 45 years, widowed 13 years from my step father. A great man!
Still not over either. Many relationship mistakes in her life. As well as losses by death. Lost mother at 28 . In my opinion became addicted to percocet before nkneew replacement. This is the biggest reason she came to our home as she was just not safe on her own. No matter what she is angry 85% Of

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
12

Answers

Show:
If your mom is 76 she has pain!! If she has knee problems I bet she does have back problems. I don't know many people 76 who don't have pain. My grandmother in her old age got addicted to codeine. My dad went to our family dr about it. Our dr said what is it hurting? She doesn't drive, she isn't falling, what is the problem with this? So my grandmother continued to get her cough syrup with codeine. Let her have her percocet. And what was the reason the dr took her off her prozac and sinequan? Sinequan is very calming and sedating but it does cause loss of balance. Did they give her a replacement antidepressant?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Today was the neurologist app. We did find out that mothers vision has rapidly deteriorated. ...and that can cause some of the instability but there is something else going on. The amount of medication she takes are large doses for her weight. A brain MRI is being scheduled. Of course on the drive home we had our usual bickering. Just don't know what to say that doesn't anger/agitate her. She takes everything out of the context I meant. I talked with a friend that gave me the name of a therapist. Gotta do something I feel like crawling in a corner and cry. I learned when going through different bouts of depression that I had to do something no matter how small it was. But above all to avoid people that can bring you down. Two of the things I learned to keep myself healthy I'm unable to do right now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Work with the neurologist and if he has a way to detox her, get her admitted and properly medicated.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When I was learning cake decorating the instruction told us to mark the center back of the cake. Someone asked, "The cake is round! How do we know where the 'back' is?" He looked up from the cake and said with conviction, "You'll know!" I think of that sometimes. I have not yet worked with a cake I couldn't identify "the back"!

I think that is the answer to your question, too. How will you know when it isn't working out? You'll know! As others have said, just asking the question is a clue. You've gotten some good advice for planning ahead for when the answer becomes "it is not working out now."

Come back and share the diagnosis. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I suggest you investigate options in your area, so you'll know which places you want when you decide the time is right. Also many of the good places have waiting lists--if one of your top picks does, get on it.

And yes, having a diagnosis helps. We're still in the process, but already know that he has cognitive and brain-cell damage greater than is considered "normal" for his age, and is declining fairly rapidly. Part of the goal with moving him to AL is to see if increasing physical activity and social interaction will reduce the rate of decline.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

All of your answers are helpful. Just not sure if I can put her somewhere yet. She is still cognitive enough on some days for that to cause her great problems. I cannot wait to see the neurologist on Fri. Last night I got home 8:30 from the hay field and went in to her rooms and she was in bed, lights, tv, fans all still running. I knocked on her door...she was in bed reading. I said you ready for bed I brought your pills? Her answer....yes she was reading a bit so Jill could sleep. She's on the couch. You remember Jill E. my friend that is now a physical therapist. She was so tired she just went to sleep. She's remarried now. You remember Jill? I said yes I do. I didn't argue I just gave her pills told her goodnight shut her door, turned all stuff off. There was no Jill! :( Told my husband who we went through dementia/Parkinson.with his dad... (passed 3 years ago) He said it's all you can do. We really need a diagnosis.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Windy, it does sound like addiction is a factor in the OP's situation. My dad is the opposite--so afraid of becoming addicted that he under-treats his very real back pain (compression fracture). That is its own viscous circle--more pain = less movement = more loss of strength.

Julieew, is assisted living an option? There is much to be said for turning the day to day situation over to professionals who aren't emotionally involved in the way you are. Just watching my dad interact with the director of nursing at his soon-to-be-ALF was enlightening--she clearly has a knack for communicating with people on the dementia scale, and he accepted things from her (well, you're the professional) that he wouldn't even consider coming from me.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Feeling lost, that is so right. When you ask if it's time for a change, it's indeed time. I'm wondering if the drug addiction is the root of the problem here. I went through a similar situation with my Mom who had been doing oxycodone for years she was falling, missing her meals and insulin and just a mess. The docs were no help. I finally started backing her off and now she's down to only as needed use. She would never admit to addiction, ok fine, I don't hound her about it. But I have convinced her that if she wants to quit going to the ER twice a month with broken bones and diabetic comas she better d*mn well lay off the stuff.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Somebody on here said that when you start asking whether it's time for things to change, it's time for things to change. I agree.

For me that point was when the situation at home got so stressful that I was looking forward to days at my client's office. Fingers crossed we are moving dad to assisted living on Friday.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Does she live with you? Are you questioning whether that arrangement should continue? If not, what are the alternatives for her? Can she afford assisted living? Can she live alone? It doesn't sound like she's impaired enough to need a nursing home.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.